Jake, the best dog I've known

by Joan
(Hoovertown, OH)

I am having a hard time living life without my beloved collie dog.
Jake was there for me and showed his love for me in many ways. He
never wanted to leave my side, but followed me around, even when I
went to the restroom. Even during his last months, when following
me around must have been more difficult with his hip dysplasia, he
kept close to me.
I loved this dog, but I also love my husband, and as Jake began to decline,
my husband began to tell me it was time to euthanize him. I shuddered at
the thought. However, I became weary of my husband complaining and I
felt bad that I did not want to go out in the evenings with him because Jake
needed to be let out several times. He generally needed someone to raise
his hips to get up the stairs. Then he started to have accidents in the home,
because it seemed he couldn’t let us know when he had to go to the bathroom.
Finally, after Christmas when I was going away for 4 days, I told my husband
that I could never put Jake to sleep while I was there but if he really wanted
to do it, it would have to be done at a time when I was not in the home.
I knew in my heart I was playing Russian Roulette with my dog’s life. I really
thought it would be too hard for my husband to actually do. He never said
anything when I was away, and when I drove home on Dec. 29th , I pondered
about how I would run in the house and say hi to my husband and go hug Jake.
However, such was not the case. I walked into the home and just the little dog
Greeted me. I asked my husband where is Jake and he said,”he is gone”. I
asked him, “ you did it” and he said “yes”.
I have been crying ever since. I cannot believe I gave my husband the choice
to end the life of my precious pet. I regret so much the decision to go on that
trip . This is so hard, not just for me but on my husband. I know he thought he did
the right thing, but I am angry at him (although I don’t say it). I feel dead inside and
do not want to get up in the morning. Everyone says, “well, he is out of pain”
but there are meds to give him to alleviate the pain.
Last night, even after almost 3 wks, I went to
Bed and woke up at 2:30 am and could not go back to sleep. I am reading books
To try to help but at this stage, it is sometimes makes me feel worse.
Will this nightmare ever just become a bad dream?

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