my beautiful son was taken tragically from me on 8th October in a motorbike accident, he was 23 years old, full of life, hundreds of friends and the kindest person you would ever meet. He was my best friend, I cannot begin to explain the pain, heartbreak and darkness that I feel. It is 10 weeks now and it seems to be getting harder every minute. There is not a moment passes that I dont think about him, I try to be positive and just carry on, I find it so hard that people around me can just carry on when I am so consumed with grief! People say time heals, I just cant see it, how does anyone ever learn to live without the light of their life? his friends have been amazing, I couldn't have coped without them and his sister who is my rock. my husband (not his dad) just carries on as normal, how can he be normal when he supposedly loves me and I cant understand how he cant feel my pain. How can he laugh and joke and pretend nothing has happened when my life is destroyed. My first husband died of cancer and that was horrendous but nothing compare with this!

Comments for Jake

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Dec 24, 2011
i do understand....
by: Mary E

I do understand your pain, I too lose a son, my VALE DIE (29yrs)11-20-11. I try to stay busy, think about busy things, read stories and such. I cry when i read your story. I know Im a strong person and you can be too. Pray to God to help you in your pain, I do for me.

I will pray for Jake, God bless

MaRY e

Dec 24, 2011
by: Anonymous

I know what you are going through. I have been there before. All we can do , is hang on to hope of a reunion afterlife. Take each day as it comes. Today is a gift, Present, so , utilise it and hang on. I wish you all the comfort , that will relieve the pain. Your surviving family needs you. The world needs your contribution ,
while you are still alive. Don't bury yourself in grief. You still have a lot to contribute to humanity. The Lord will help you. Trust God.
It is well

Dec 23, 2011
California mom
by: Shirley

I lost my sweet son Dimitri 16 months ago. He died of leukemia and was only 23 years old. It's been a very difficult road. If you have a local chapter of The Compassionate Friends I highly recommend going to their meetings. All the parents there "know" your pain because they are feeling the same feelings of loss. I would also highly recommend The Compassionate Friends and Grieving Mothers facebook pages. You can chat with many other parents there. Other people will never understand what you are going through. My boyfriend does not get it and there are times when I know he is frustrated with my grief. It is a very lonely feeling. I will leave you with a quote from Marsha Flynn Abbott which explains how we feel as grieving moms:
"Recovering from loss? I'm not sure anyone can be expected to recover from the death of their child; considering the value of what was lost and the consequences of that loss. I think recovery is a misleading and empty expectation. We recover from broken limbs and bad illnesses. This type of loss goes into the category of catastrophic...Catastrophic loss by definition precludes recovery. It will either transform us or destroy us, but it will never leave us the same. There is no going back to the past. The future will...and must include the pain of the past with it. Sorrow never entirely leaves the soul of a parent who endures the death of a child. If anything, it takes us to a deeper place in which we have the opportunity to come face to face with...the soul."

Dec 23, 2011
by: Anonymous

I too am sorry for your losses! it sounds so hollow doesn it? I cant believe in God, if there was a God our children would not have been taken from us, I keep asking myself what I have done so bad in my life that I should loose a husband and my child. I do however try to believe in afterlife and convince myself that he is still here with me all the time. It does help for a while and then I just fall back into the depths of despair, my husband is trying to get me to go on pills/anti depressants, i need to feel this pain, i am sure if I dont I will feel worse at a later stage, my doctor agrees with me, my husband just wants the old me back and it will never ever be! I just hope that time will not make me forget, I will never forget, but just help me not be so sad all of the time. I try to put on a brave face constantly and smile, but it is all so false, I feel sick to my stomach the whole time, I eat to survive and for my daughters sake I try not to bring my constant sorrow to her, I dont know what I would do without her, I used to be really good at looking after my mum who is not well but lately I dont feel able to care so much, this isnt me, I dont have room for anybodys feelings in me anymore, I try to see him in my dreams and he doesnt come, I wake every morning at the exact time he was born 3.53am. Xmas is specially hard, it is about the one and only day that he was not in a hurry to eat his dinner and go off out to meet his friends, I dont want xmas to happen and I know it is only 1 day and I keep telling myself that, I am doing dinner for 9 and I am upset that my sister in law didnt offer to do it, I just want to crawl into a hole and wake up the next day, I am so fed up of being so miserable, I want to smile from my heart again not just a false smile, I know Jake would have wanted me to smile again but it is so so so hard. I just want to see him again but wouldnt do anything to myself because of my daughter, I am all she has now, no dad and no brother, she is what keeps me going and I am terrified that something will happen to her, I try not to be over protective but it is tough. I know for sure that if she wasnt in this world then I would follow her, and that is a terrible thing to say.

Dec 22, 2011
i know your pain.
by: Karen From Tasmania Australia

I know how you feel i to lost my son in August 2011 aged 14 my family also have gone by the way side all there when it happened but all getting on with there lives now.We are left alone now .I miss my beautiful boy so much.He died suddenly and i found him in the shower.We are waiting on the Coroners Report at the moment.If you need to talk i do but only to people in the same position as me my e-mail is tascolder007@yahoo.com.au .Would love to here from you i live in Tasmania australia.They say it gets better but they are so wrong.I miss my boy so much it hurts so bad.Karenxx

Dec 22, 2011
I realize that words are not enough...
by: Diana Kane

Losing your son Jake this last October is not something that you will ever get over, time will never heal this pain, you will eventually learn to manage though. I lost my beautiful daughter this last may over Memorial Day, we were on a family float trip and the water was so strong..we crashed into a tree stump in the middle of the river and with the water moving like it was neither I nor my father were strong enough to pull her to safety. My other daughter who was 12 at the time was in the same raft with us and witnessed the entire thing. I went in after my daughter and my youngest thought that she lost both of us that day. My entire world is different, my family dynamic has changed, I have nothing but the soul shattering, heart breaking, life altering understanding of your loss, losing my Kiki (as her little sister has called her all of her life has not become any easier...in fact it will be 6 months the 28th day of December and my heart hurts more now than it did 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 months ago. The realization of the permanent (on this earth) absence of my daughter absolutely consumes me and I have no idea what to do with all of the feelings that hit me sometimes out of thin air. I know that I have my beautiful Chloe is 13 and needs her mother, I cannot just give in to this pain. I will manage this pain. I know that one day you will understand what I am saying. I never expect to heal I only will learn to manage. Losing a child so unexpectedly is the kind of pain that will always linger in that area....I am sure you know the one I speak of...between your heart and your stomach. Our stories are different, our struggle the same. Your son, my daughter at the beginning of their young adult lives were tragically taken away and why, well that I do not know. All I know is we have people around us who count on us and need our love just like we need their love. Do not try to make sense of it...we never will. All we can do is hold on for dear life to the beautiful although short time we were blessed to have shared in their lives. My heart is with you and I too walk in pain.

Dec 22, 2011
you are not alone
by: Anonymous

we all grieve differently.

i got angry at first when people would have the nerve to ask me, how i was? how stupid could they be, i had lost my little boy...were they nuts???

it's been 9 months. people think you're done.
so you grieve alone, it's a roller coaster and there is no time frame.

pray, i'll lift you up with my own prayers for strength, remember me too.

you are not alone

Dec 22, 2011
I know how you feel
by: cynthia

I am so sorry for your loss. My son passed away suddenly without warning in April of this year. It has been 8 months and I am telling you it is just as hard as the day it happened. I have learned how to get through each day. Time does not heal, I hate when people say that. I believe that you have to adjust to life without your child and evolve into a new way of life. You will never get over the loss, you just have to try to get through one day at a time. My son was also my best friend, he was a few months away from getting married and had an amazing career. Tons of friends, over 600 attended his service. I do not hear from his friends much anymore. You do start to feel so alone and that everyone is going on with their lives and has forgotten about you and your child. People just don't know what to say to you, they feel if they bring up your child it will make you cry. I tell my friends and family that I want to talk about my son, and it is okay if it makes me cry. I cry everyday for my son and for my life the way it used to be. Our lives will never be the same but that does not mean if will not ever have any joy or happy moments. I hope someday to not feel this intense sadness and restlessness I feel everyday and I hope it will be replaced with happy memories of my life with my son. My husband is also not my sons dad but he is amazing. He has read so much on the web about the grief a mother goes through so that he can try to understand what I am going through. He was with my son for 27 years, so very close. I have an older son who tries to help me, he is grieving in his own way. He tries to go about his day and not feel the pain. I know he misses his brother very much, everyone has their own way of getting through the grief. I choose to think about my son everyday and cry a little everyday for the loss. I will never forget my son and I know that someday when I leave this earth I will be with him again, sometimes that belief is what gets me through my day. The holidays are going to be extremely hard, but again we will get through it, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I hope you hang in and try to imagine some good days ahead. If you want to contact me my emai is:
I hope to hear from you and together we can help each other through the days ahead.

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