Oh where do I begin! they say time heals, it doesn't! it is nearly a year since you were taken from me, I love you so much Jake, my first born, my angel, my funny little boy who grew into my best friend and my confidant, I miss you so much, your smile, your touch, your annoying little ways, I didn't even say goodbye to you, my world turned black when I had that call, I haven't even changed your sheets yet, they still smell of you, your room is still the same ... waiting for a miracle.... waiting for you to come home again. I know you wouldn't want me being so sad but I cant help it, it is the inquest next week and it will all be raked over again, I just pray for the day that we meet again, I was afraid of dying, not now ... I just long to be with you one more time, I love you Jake, I love you so much xxxxxxxxxxx

Comments for Jake

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Oct 03, 2013
Greiving mom
by: Leticia

Jakes mom, I feel your pain too. I loss my first born at 37 yrs old a single father of 5. He was the best father and son. It's been a year this pass sept14 2013. He died on his way to work that morning of a heart attact. His children were his life. They were insperable . He died that morning at 7:06 am and didn't get the call until 3:30 pm. I will never forget the pain that hit me so hard. I kept saying why my baby!! I cried everyday and night wanting him back so bad that just wanted to run and scream in a rage and felt I would go nuts and wanted to just die and be with him. We had to pick up his children from school and tell them that daddy died. I will never forget my grandbabies faces. I still morn for him. Someday I just don't want to get up from bed. I am going to counseling and seeing a dr. The kids seem better. I try hard to hold wonderful memories I share with them about there dad, but it kills me inside. I just want cry and die. I know I have to hold up for his kids. There really doing better then me. I pray for all us mothers that have lossed our babies forever. I will never be the same again.

Sep 17, 2012
by: Anonymous

karen, i have tried to email you but it bounces back my email is liz_johnson@mail.com

Sep 17, 2012
by: Liz

Hi, thank you for replying to my post in recover from grief. What a name - how do you ever recover from grief of loosing a child! It is so damned hard, we will live with this all of our lives, I shall never be the same person and no doubt neither will you. I watch the news about people dying and think "you are not alone, there are other people out there in the same or worse situations" but it doesnt seem to help, my husband is not my sons father, my sons father died when Jake was 15 and I re-married, he doesnt understand at all, thinks I should be over it by now but to be honest I think that the first twelve months is just spent in shock, I am hoping that the second year will be a grieving year and the third will be an acceptance year. So roll on 2015 I dont think I will feel any better until at least then. Do you agree or am I being optomistic? every day is such a struggle, it seems only yesterday that Jake was here with me, I heard him talking to me last night, not to me just his laugh. I have to go to his inquest on friday and I am dreading it. Why doesnt anybody understand how we feel? Is your husband the same? Do you find your eyes just crying on their own for no reason? sounds wierd I know. My daughter has been my rock, she is 22 and still lives at home, she misses her brother and her dad terribly but she is so strong, I fear that she is being too strong, that it will all come back to haunt her later, I can be positive when I am with her, if she wasnt on this earth then neither would I be, and yet what a burden to put on her, I feel so guilty I cant imagine what life would be like without her at home, if I had to spend my life with just somebody who doesnt understand how I feel. I work from home in my husbands business, doing the books, so I have a fairly lonely life, Nick cant cope with my "quietness" and just goes out to work and then comes home tired and goes to sleep on the sofa, its not that I dont want to speak to him, I just dont realise that I am not, I just go into my own little world in my head and am quiet. I am so different to how I was, I used to be lively and fun to be with, I dont blame him for not wanting to be with me, I dont want to be with myself. If you feel the same as me, maybe we are "normal". Have you had any counselling? I havnt and feel that I need to feel the pain in order to get better, Nick thinks that I should be on anti depressents, he wants a get better quick solution but there isnt one, why cant he understand that? Please tell me how you feel? thank you again for replying, just take every moment at a time and just breathe slowly. xxxxxxx Liz

Sep 12, 2012
I share your pain
by: Martha

I also know to well how you feel. My son passed away four months ago I cry everyday I cry even more when my younger says what am i suppose to do without my brother how do i respond. The same as you now I long for the day that I will see my son again.

Sep 11, 2012
Iknow how you feel.x
by: Karen.Australia

Hi,i to lost my beautiful son Josh 13months ago and the pain is still unberable to live.I to wish i was with my son life doesnt get any better.People say it gets better but those people are the ones who havnt lost a beautiful child.My heart goes out to you please if you would like to talk to me my email is tascolder007@yahoo.com.au.My son was 14 yrs old.Luv to you Karenxx

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