James Onice Angel Sr. 1957-2012
I haven't been able to speak of my father's passing with anyone other than my wife. It's been a little over a month.
Let's rewind to July 2010. Dad went in to his doctor, that he has seen for at least 15 years, and noticed a considerable amount of weight loss. Upon getting blood work and xrays scheduled, we were told that my father had some spots on his right lung. AdinoCarsonma Stage 3a, immediately they started of with 36 rounds of Chemo and 40 rounds of radiation. After all these treatments, dad was given a clean bill of health.
Six months later the spots were coming back bigger and stronger. After a week of aggressive radiation, we were told they would retest in a few weeks. over that period of time, dad would begin to feel better, up doing things that he loved to do. (Landscaping/Grading by trade and Fisherman as passion), we went to the lake on the boat, just he and I. He started feeling ill after rangling in some good ol' flathead
catfish. So, we left. In the truck, on the way home he began to tell me that he could taste it and that this time would be IT. I tried to downplay the fact, and tried to convince him that it was just in his head. Fast forward after a couple more radiation and chemo treatments, after new PET scans found more spots from his lung all the way back around to the spine. Upgraded to Stage 4. after several attempts of trying different types of chemo, the doctor insisted the family to brace ourselves. If the cancer spread in the spine that would be it. Before leaving the dr. office we were given six months.
Now, April 15, 2012, dad's 55th birthday. Dad has really gone down hill, but still out with all of the family as we threw him a big birthday party. Limited mobility in a wheelchair is really getting to my dad. The first time I have seen my dad smile and the way he embraced my son for the gift he was given. Tore me up. Day after day since his birthday and dad has gone down hill. The cancer spread into the spine and he his paralyzed from the waist down. I'll spare details from the final mins of his life as I do not have the strength to mention what I saw my hero go through. 4:10 AM APRIL 21st, 2012 my father passed away holding mine and my mothers hand, with us telling him it was ok to go, he faintly said I love yall. took his final breath and went on to the other side.
Exactly one month later we laid my grandmother to rest beside him. I am lost, I have a beautiful wife and an awesome son, but I don't know how to cope. I just want to find a cave and disappear. My dad was everything to me. I am 24 years old, I went to him for everything, advise, help, just a talk, ect. I learned so much from him, but there is so much more I wanted to learn. My father was well known and very respected and loved. At his wake, everyone was shoulder to shoulder and elbow to elbow. Sorry im rambling, but im trying. We both had the same interests, cars, fishing, hunting, guns, ect. now when i get excited about it I want to go over to his house to tell him, as I am getting in the truck I remember he's gone. I had an accident on the highway and he was the first person I started calling. I can't grasp that he is gone, I feel like a little kid instead of a man. I question my own mortality and how I can be a father. I am not the same person and part of me died. God bless my wife, she accepted the fact I cannot work right now due to this and backed me 100% to take time for me to heal. I miss him more and more each day....it has not gotten any easier. Will it ever?
James Angel Jr.