James Pinkney Infinger 11/06/1955 - 08/07/2012
by Kathern Infinger
My husband, James Pinkney Infinger, and I were set up on a blind date by his brother June 1987. I was 18 years old and he was 32 years old. I never would have thought we would have stayed together because of the age difference, but 25 years later and we were. He was kinder to me than anyone I had ever met and he was a lot of fun. He was a hard worker and a good provider and all he ever wanted to do was take care of me. He always teased me about me not drinking because this way he had a permanent designated driver. I did not mind because I enjoyed watching him have fun with his friends and family.
We both worked full time and tried to have to have children but we never could. I was so sad about this because I knew he wanted to be a father and he would make a great father. I wanted to be a mother to a child, any child. After spending who knows how much money and time on fertility treatments and so forth we gave up on the idea of a biological child. We ended up adopting two wonderful children, one at 22 months old and 18 months old. He adored these children. He loved them more than his own life and would do and did do anything for them. If it meant playing soccer, baseball, going on roller coaster rides, water parks, swimming or fishing, for endless hours to make them happy, then that's what he did. I felt like I had three children because he had just as much fun as they did. He spoiled our children rotten and loved them like every day was their last.
He had been ill in the past and had had a quadruple bypass surgery just as our son was 2 1/2 years old. He feared that due to his health our son would be taken away and that worried him more than having the surgery. His parents both had passed away from heart failure and it was no surprise that he would have problems but he did fine and then we got our little girl shortly afterwards. Her and him were joined at the hip. She is a tomboy and he loved it. She dragged him on fishing trips, swimming, soccer games, and she begged him to play every minute of the day with her and he loved it.
He started gradually being ill again 10/2011. With several different admissions to the hospital for the last year. He was finally diagnosed with Nils disease which is normally an easy to treat kidney disease. He sensed there was something else wrong. Now that I look back, I realize the fear in his eyes and the sorrow in his heart that he was showing, but just keeping it to himself so he would not worry us. Every so often he would drop a hint that he does not have much longer to live but never said it was a very short term feeling. God if I had only known!!!
All he ever asked of his family was for them to be happy, get along, and have a good time. We took our last vacation in 07/2012 and all he could say over and over, "this is going to be our best vacation ever, I can feel it"!!! As most families do, some arguments and fusses did occur like normal. God if I had only known this was going to be out last vacation together I would have done so many things differently just to make sure his wishes came true.
He usually would forget my birthday or mix it up with another day but this year he through me a party at a restaurant. He was so proud of himself and I doted over him like he was a king. I was so proud of him. I just wish to God I knew this was my last birthday with him!!! I would have doted over him like he was 10 kings!!!
Two weeks before he passed away we happen to run across a new pet store at the Mall. He went in and saw a piebald dachshund. He demanded that I buy that dog for my early birthday present. I argued with him because I really did not want another dog. Something clicked after a few minutes that his feelings was seriously hurt because I did not want his gift offer. Finally I grinned really big and said fine, let's take him home. I doted over the dog a lot and really made a big fuss over it because it really meant a lot to him. God if I had only known he wanted me to have that dog to remember him by I would have reacted so differently at first. Now I worship and spoil that dog like he's a baby. I originally named him Pinkney, my husband's middle name. He really like that!
My husband was out of work again from his last admission to the hospital and staying at home and was glad he was going to be able to spend more time with the kids before school started. On Tuesday, August 7, 2012, I woke up and was trying to be very quiet and getting ready for work. At 5:30 a.m. I came out of the shower and realized he did not look right. He had passed away in his sleep during the early morning hours. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and not sure how I am going to continue without my best friend. He was everything to me. He did everything for us.
I feel so bad because I cannot remember if I told him I loved him enough, told him how wonderful he was, told him how wonderful of a father he was, I don't know if I thanked him enough for all that he did and thank him for just being there for me for 25 wonderful years. I can't remember what I said or did for him, but I do remember what all he did for us and how good he was. I just should have said it EVERY DAY!!! God if I had only known!!!
I would give ANYTHING, ANYTHING, just to have him back for five more minutes to tell him what I should have and tell him how missed he will be for all the rest of my days. I go to his grave EVERY DAY and beg for forgiveness from him for not telling him all of this, for not doing everything he asked me to do for him, for not making all of our vacations the best they could have been, for not being a better wife, and God the list goes on forever!!!
I am writing this memorial in my wonderful husband's honor but I am also writing this hoping he hears it some how and understands how much I love him and how much I am missing him.
I am also hoping to help as many people as possible understand, tell your loved ones that you love them, that you cherish them, do as much as you can for them even when you're tired, go the extra mile for them every day, because tomorrow you might not get to and then you will regret it just I do now.
God I love that man. I know your not suppose to question God's motives or plans but I am feeling really selfish right now and want him back. I know one day I will get to see him again but I will spend the rest of my life wishing to God I went that extra mile for him.