by Janice

I lost my husband of 25 years to lung cancer on august 18,2013. Very sad, 10 children altogether. My second marriage. Most of it was happy- until he got laid off at 73 and became very depressed. Then last september the diagnosis of end stage lung cancer. He became more depressed and withdrawn. Christmas was awful- he bought me nothing. I think he was so consumed with his illness and it being his last Christmas. He would not join in any family activities. I felt like a widow then already. But it really hits home when they are actually gone, and you realize there will be no more chances together and no more hope of a gift beneath the tree or something in your stocking. I cannot even imagine how unbearable it is for someone to know they are going to die, but I will have to live with the memory of that horrible last Christmas and New Years which should have been special because we should have been together with our families. This year I am working- thank God- and having a very minimalistic Christmas. I am glad he is no longer suffering and I will focus on all of the years that we had great times together and great family Christmases.

Comments for Janice

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Dec 14, 2013
A new beginning
by: Janice

My grief is now becoming much easier. Everything slowly falls into place- a new normal so to speak. Keep it simple- let go and let God. My family is intact. Being without my husband is not easy- at least the healthy version of him. Christmas evokes so many memories. This year is almost over and I am looking forward to a happier 2014. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone- God bless you in your journey. He will give you strength.

Dec 01, 2013
by: Lawrence

You must forgive him everything and bear no guilt or grievance, he was what the terrible cancer made him, and nobody can even imagine his anguish at having to leave you and the family. Just be thankful he is out of pain. You say he should have been with you for Christmas, don’t you think it’s what he himself wanted, but life, fate or call it what you want, intervened and there is no fighting it.
It is very early days for you in this grieving process, six months is nothing, I am approaching my twelfth month since I lost a very precious wife after seventy years together and although it does get easier I still cry at anything that reminds me of our wonderful marriage and believe me everything does.
I never dreamed after she died I would be writing comments to try and help you, quite honestly I just wanted to die and be with her, but God thought otherwise.
It’s very hard being alone with no one to talk, laugh or indeed argue with but unfortunately it will happen to every couple, sooner or later one will die, it’s a fact of life, it was his and my lovely wife’s turn and needless to say ours will also come.
So remember the happy times and cry, cry and cry like we all do, he will always be in your heart.
Enjoy all the children, they are a blessing and great consolation.
Take great care of yourself.

Nov 30, 2013
by: Doreen UK

Janice I am sorry your loss of your husband to lung cancer. I lost my husband of 44yrs. to lung cancer almost 19 months ago and it is very difficult watching the one you love die slowly when he doesn't want to die.
My husband's personality changed when he had cancer and he was a different man. He became withdrawn and subdued as he was trying to process his own mortality and wondering what death felt like. He also did not enter into Christmas and was sour and miserable a lot of the time. He also upset me on many an occasion and If I didn't love and care for him I would have felt like walking out the door. But I couldn't abandon him and I knew the cancer was doing this to him as this was not his nature. I fought and overcame this. I would exit the room have a good cry and then go back in to nurse him. My Love for him gave me the strength to pick him up and do all the caring. My family watched in amazement and I didn't feel I was doing anything exceptional. This was the man I loved and would do anything for him. Even change places. I do feel content that I did all I needed to do for him. But I watched him die slowly with a painful cancer journey whilst he had a slow growing tumour growing over 40yrs. from exposure to asbestos he worked with. So if your husband did not give you a gift or he made your last Christmas miserable realise that he couldn't help this. Cancer robbed you of the last Christmas and not your husband. This disease affects the whole family. I hope that your grief gets easier as you heal from your loss.

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