January 27th, 2006 and still grieving.....

by Linda
(Alliance, Ohio)

Almost four years ago my husband died of brain cancer. It was sudden and although we were to have him for 8 more months, it was only 3 weeks. It was hard. Three days after the funeral, my boss came to my house and let me go from my job. Shortly after that I had to sell my home. Finally I lost the church I attended for many years. I found myself losing so much all at once. My whole way of life changed. I had to return to full time work cause there was only enough insurance to bury my husband.

My "adopted" son abandoned us cause he didn't want the responsibility of taking care of us; I haven't seen or heard from him in 3 years. I could go on and on , but we all have a story to tell, don't we?

I am stressed and tired; sometimes anger takes over, but I am trying to work it all out. It has been almost 4 years and I still deal with depression, isolation, and sadness. Just glad to discover this website.

Comments for January 27th, 2006 and still grieving.....

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Jun 12, 2012
2006 and still grieving
by: Doreen England U.K.

Hi Linda
I am sorry for your loss of husband and your adopted son by him walking away and abandoning you.
You lost your Husband, job, home, church and adopted son. This is a huge loss all at once. It often happens this way. Loss is compounded and this just intesifies the grief.
If you are able to get another job and be able to work this would be good for you as being occupied helps somewhat. I am retired and so this is hard to face all day lonliness.
You will never go back to the way you were before death. The whole complexion of life changes now and we will become different people with different needs even though our values will not change.
Your adopted son has vanished just like my son who is my son by birth. He just has different priorities. I do feel abandoned and this is hard on top of grieving the loss of my husband. Any increase in loss of a loved one and those who are alive and well seem to be compounded by a death so it just makes the grieving longer for each loss.
I hope you are able to get back to a church of sorts so that you get the support from the church as this will be invaluable to you at this time.
Take care of yourself and I hope it all works out for you in time. But don't rush

Jun 11, 2012
Still Grieving after 6 years
by: Doreen England U.K.

I am sorry for the circumstances you are in and for the loss of your husband. You are still struggling with this and none of us know how long our journey will be and how we will fare on this lonely plateau.
Funerals are expensive and had I not had some savings I would not have been able to bury my husband. I worry about money now. In our early days bringing the children up we always worried about money and my husband had to work long hours to manage as he was the only person working whilst I looked after the children.
Come 40 years to now Steve had to come out of work due to lung cancer and was only 11 months into retirement and he was ill throughout the whole 3 years with his cancer so did not have any quality of life and then passed away May 5th 2012 and buried 25th May 2012. I have a long road ahead on my own. We lived a simple life and didn't ask for much and we had each other for company and now this is all gone. My husband was a carpenter and we build up the home together and now I don't have the motivation to finish the job. I can't sell the house as it would be too expensive to buy another home so I feel stuck with the house and stuck with the grief. None of us who are grieving likes their life now and change is difficult the older one gets, so what are we to do with ourselves. You live in the USA and I live in the U.K. so we are poles apart to form a club and all meet up and support each other on a personal level.
You say you had an adopted son who has abandoned you. My natural son has abandoned me and it hurts. Just when I could count on him he left and was only interested in our Will. Grief is bad enough without all the other difficulties that accompany a death. Knowing others share the same experiences will make you feel less isolated and less alone. I hope life gets better for you in the days ahead and more manageable.

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