January and March 2013 - Two Goodbyes - one is gone the other is going

by Katherine
(Toronto, Ontario, Canada)

On January 8th 2013 my father died. He was my hero and I knew I was loved by him. He had a stroke Dec. 1st which left him paralyzed on the left side. I was told my the healthcare professionals that he could not swallow and he had a feeding tube which could not stay indefinitely, so it was removed, actually he pulled it out many times, but the last time was on xmas day and he stayed alive until January 8th. I watched my strong father get weaker and weaker and then leave.

Today I found out that one of my true loves and best friend has lost his battle with cancer and has, at best, 2 months to live. I have spent 23 years liking, loving, arguing, agreeing and disagreeing with this man. He was a boss and mentor a lover and a friend.

He was diagnosed with Breast cancer in 2001 and fought it so bravely for 12 years. He went through periods of remission, even long periods, but cancer is a sneaky disease and lurks about and so often comes back. It makes you wonder if it can ever be beat. Think of the vast amounts of money and efforts that go in to cancer fund raising and yet the outcome, so often and too often, is fatal.

I am so overwhelmed with grief and everything hurts. Sort of a dull ache everywhere. Super sad.

Comments for January and March 2013 - Two Goodbyes - one is gone the other is going

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Mar 27, 2013
January and March 2013 - Two Goodbyes - one is gone the is going.
by: Doreen U.K.

Katherine I am sorry for your loss of your father, and now the love of your life about to lose his battle with cancer.
I lost my husband to MESOTHELIOMA. A rare and serious form of lung cancer caused by working with asbestos. An incurable, inoperable, aggressive cancer. I was his caregiver for 3yrs.39days. I lost him 10 months ago and we were married 44yrs. I don't know where these years have gone all too fast as he was working 6 days a week sometimes 7 if he was away working overseas as an exhibition carpenter.
We emigrated to Toronto over 30yrs, ago and came back to the U.K. within one year. Good thing. As my husband died of and Industrial disease and all the workplaces are here in the U.K. so my husband was able to get all his social care benefits.
My greatest anger over the Cancer issue is that we keep giving for Cancer research and yet in the U.K. many are denied Chemo drugs due to the cost to the NHS. Our Health Care Service is shutting down in many places and so with the lack of funding the cancer patients will suffer. The medical Heirarchy doesn't think it is worth keeping someone alive for a little longer through expensive treatment. They cannot justify this cost. My youngest daughter still runs for her father in Cancer Race for Life to raise funds for cancer research.
I remember my husband's forlorn face when the Oncologist shook his hand and said there is nothing more we can do for you. I have such painful memories of a dying man who wanted to live. I know how you feel and what you are going through and will go through at the end of life stage. Try and get some counselling now so that you won't be so overwhelmed by this experience of losing someone dying soon. May God be with you and Comfort you in your loss of father and losing your best friend.

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