Jay S Bonovitch August 4 1049- May 15,2015

by Kathy

I lost my dear sweet husband of 42 years on May 19.
He was healthy up until his had open heart surgery on January 20 to replace an aortic root aneurysm,did great for six weeks. Then his health began to decline. In and out of the hospital these past couple months and they kept saying nothing wrong. Finally found the problem when it was to late to do anything. I have never felt such pain and emptiness. He had only just turned 65 and did not even get to retire. I have so many emotions right now my head is spinning.

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Jul 04, 2015
Jay S Bonovitch August 4 1049- May 15, 2015
by: Doreen UK

Kathy I am so sorry for your loss of your precious husband Jay to a sudden death. It is so difficult to express the pain of grief in how it crushes you and you would do anything to get rid of that pain that seems to last forever. Worse when you are just getting on with life thinking everything is well and then suddenly your spouse dies.
My husband was a young man in his 20's who went to work each day as a carpenter and cut asbestos before it was known as a deadly material in the workplace that is a killer. The asbestos dust gets into the lining of the lung like claws and takes 40yrs to develop into an incurable, inoperable, aggressive terminal lung cancer. MY husband did not know he was given a life sentence and he would never see retirement. He was diagnosed at age 62yrs with a rare and deadly cancer. I nursed him for 3yrs.39days and he died on May 5th 2012. 3yrs. ago. I could not function for 6 months. I was crushed beyond despair and I could do nothing but take ONE DAY AT A TIME and let this grief do its work. It took 6 months before I could get up and do anything.
Like you my husband did not get to retire. WE widows now have to do this by ourselves. This is a very lonely and empty place to be. A new life thrust upon us and we just soldier on with no meaning or value to our life from what we knew and lived as a couple.
I had good support from my family otherwise I would not have been able to cope with such grief alone. You are in the early days of RAW GRIEF and I remember it so well. Thank God those early days are over. But as I sit here writing this post I am still aware of how long this journey of grief is to healing us from this pain of loss. There are no easy solutions to bear this grief but to listen and learn from each other about what to expect and how to cope ONE DAY AT A TIME. You are not alone in this war on death, but in essence we are alone as we go through our life by ourselves trying to live some sort of life when we don't feel like going on in life without the one who gave meaning and value to our life. I miss having my husband to talk to and share the difficulties of each day for support. May God be with you and comfort you in your sorrow and give you His Peace.

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