My son died in a road traffic accident, which may have been because he had been drinking, 3 weeks ago today. I remember the police standing in my doorway and knew immediately what they were going to tell me. He was a really good boy, never would he have normally got behind the wheel of a car when over the limit. He had tried to phone me and my younger son that night about half an hour before his death. He had also tried to get in to his friends house but hadn't knocked the door so as not to wake his parents. I still cannot believe it has happened and am carrying on as if he is just away somewhere. I am scared this will hit me with full force in the months to come but at the moment need to stay strong for his brother. Nothing will ever change the outcome. I feel so guilty that I didn't hear his phone call and wasn't there when he needed me. I have lived my whole life for my children but failed him when he needed me most. I wonder when this will finally hit me as I know at the moment I am in denial.