I recently was betrayed in the worst way possible by my partner. She had cheated on me before, and I always took her back. This, I know, was stupid and some may feel that I deserve all that I get. I, on the other hand, forgave her and loved her with all of my being.
Years had gone by since the last incident and in those years we had purchased a home, remodeled it, traveled, and built a life together. Then out of the blue, she said that this life wasn't enough for her. That I was not expressive and compassionate enough with her. That she needed that kind of attention (she had told many times prior that she was not a clingy type of person).
She broke things off with me and left all of the blame in a bag on my back. At the time, I suspected that she may have found another but she blatantly denied this and said that she was on the up and up, to take as much time as I needed in the house. She even discussed the possibility of becoming roommates with me.
She spent less and less time at home, all of the while denying that there was another person in the mix. I pleaded with her to tell me the truth, that I would not hold that against her, that I planned on moving on, but that I needed to know the truth of the matter to help me do that.
She, again, denied this to me, our friends, her family. Last weekend I popped by our house to ask if she wanted to get coffee. I had since moved into my own place which has as much character as a hotel room. We had discussed needing to keep our friendship since we had been together for 7 years and knew each other so well. So, on her doorstep, at the home we had built together, I found out the truth.
She has moved in a 24 year old woman that she was forced to admit to me that she is with now. She could not admit to cheating on me with her, however that has been verified through a mutual friend who, unfortunately, has been drug into the middle of this. Her mother, whom I consider my family, has emailed me to give her support but will not pick sides- which I do not blame her for.
All of the lies combined with leaving all of the blame on me has me reeling. I love and miss this woman more than life itself. However, I have told her to never call me, text me, or email me again. This has all happened within the last two months.
Now, I am left with the grieving by myself. I feel like a part of me has died. I know that not being a part of her life will eventually help the situation, but it is so hard. I consistently fight the urge to try and contact her and talk with her.
I know I have lost to this 24 year old and her prize is my happiness. I hope she uses it well, but I know that eventually she will squander it. I know that eventually my ex will try to contact me and want me to come back- but I cannot be old faithful any longer.
The one thing that bugs me the most is that I will be filed away in the "past lives" file of her memory bank and forgotten. It doesn't seem fair that I cannot so easily just turn the switch off and file her away as well. She made such a difference in my life and I had hoped that I made a difference in hers as well.