by Jen

I recently was betrayed in the worst way possible by my partner. She had cheated on me before, and I always took her back. This, I know, was stupid and some may feel that I deserve all that I get. I, on the other hand, forgave her and loved her with all of my being.

Years had gone by since the last incident and in those years we had purchased a home, remodeled it, traveled, and built a life together. Then out of the blue, she said that this life wasn't enough for her. That I was not expressive and compassionate enough with her. That she needed that kind of attention (she had told many times prior that she was not a clingy type of person).

She broke things off with me and left all of the blame in a bag on my back. At the time, I suspected that she may have found another but she blatantly denied this and said that she was on the up and up, to take as much time as I needed in the house. She even discussed the possibility of becoming roommates with me.

She spent less and less time at home, all of the while denying that there was another person in the mix. I pleaded with her to tell me the truth, that I would not hold that against her, that I planned on moving on, but that I needed to know the truth of the matter to help me do that.

She, again, denied this to me, our friends, her family. Last weekend I popped by our house to ask if she wanted to get coffee. I had since moved into my own place which has as much character as a hotel room. We had discussed needing to keep our friendship since we had been together for 7 years and knew each other so well. So, on her doorstep, at the home we had built together, I found out the truth.

She has moved in a 24 year old woman that she was forced to admit to me that she is with now. She could not admit to cheating on me with her, however that has been verified through a mutual friend who, unfortunately, has been drug into the middle of this. Her mother, whom I consider my family, has emailed me to give her support but will not pick sides- which I do not blame her for.

All of the lies combined with leaving all of the blame on me has me reeling. I love and miss this woman more than life itself. However, I have told her to never call me, text me, or email me again. This has all happened within the last two months.

Now, I am left with the grieving by myself. I feel like a part of me has died. I know that not being a part of her life will eventually help the situation, but it is so hard. I consistently fight the urge to try and contact her and talk with her.

I know I have lost to this 24 year old and her prize is my happiness. I hope she uses it well, but I know that eventually she will squander it. I know that eventually my ex will try to contact me and want me to come back- but I cannot be old faithful any longer.

The one thing that bugs me the most is that I will be filed away in the "past lives" file of her memory bank and forgotten. It doesn't seem fair that I cannot so easily just turn the switch off and file her away as well. She made such a difference in my life and I had hoped that I made a difference in hers as well.

Comments for Jen

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Mar 21, 2011
Is this ME?
by: Kelly-CO

I could have written what you wrote! My partner and I have been together for 7 years. She told me 3 weeks ago right before my birthday that she feels that we have only been friends, not lovers or partners for the past two years! I was floored. I am heartbroken and lost! I know what you mean by a part of you being lost. I too will be filed away in her mind as a kind person. I am so angry at her for giving up on us and not even trying. We went to one counseling session, but she doesn't feel like she could ever be in love with me again. How did I not know that? I also found out that she has feelings for someone else and she has denied it for over 3 months now. She has retreated to the computer and her phone. She was always annoyed when I would ask her to talk about it or who she was talking too. I should have know better. I trusted her emphatically! I gave every ounce of my being to her and she has squashed it all! I can't believe that she also want to "coexist" as she calls roommates. We own a house too. She went to a friends for time and space this week. I am sure she has been with her, but is denying it. Meanwhile I am working my butt off remodeling our house. Putting up a wall so that one of us can leave our bed that we bought together and have shared love and secrets in for the past 7 years, just to move into the new room. It isn't fair. I am so sorry that you live in CA and I in CO...could be good to get a cup o joe and chat. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope this all gets better soon, for us both! Take care!

Aug 19, 2010
very sorry (i can relate)
by: trish

I, too, have recently broken up with a man that I've been on and off with for 3 and a half years. I caught him in many lies all along and wondered if he was a cheat and now I know for sure. We recently tried to reunite but he only stuck with me for 2 weeks and went back to his old girlfriend. She is in her twenties as well and I'm 42 so like yourself I feel a little traded in for a newer model. I have been praying a lot for God to heal me as quickly as possible. My grief is still present but prayer really helps lighten it. Bottom line is God knows what's best for us and if we trust in Him and put Him first He will take over and send us true happiness in time. Sometimes we want things that are not best for us and God has a better plan or someone better in mind. If you're not used to praying just talk to God like you would talk to a friend and pour out your heart first asking Him for forgiveness of all your sins (as we all are sinners). He can give you peace and although it may or may not be immediate He will love you thru this hard time. I'm looking for the same to happen with myself. I know it'll get better. God bless you!

May 27, 2010
I feel for you
by: Anonymous

I read what you wrote and it's like I'm saying those words myself. You will be filed away and cannot file her away. Oh...I feel of your pain and I understand it. I really do. You are strong for not talking or texting...I'm proud of you. That is so difficult. You deserve someone who will love you and not leave you and you can trust them with everything. You deserve someone like yourself because that's what you gave. I know it's so hard to believe there is another out there or that you can even get beyond her. Keep faith...pray to God to help you though this and know that there a lot of people who read your story and care. I do.

May 18, 2010
by: Anonymous

I lost my partner of almost 21 years my heart is so broken i know what you are feeling. Hard to start anew when the hole feels so big. Each day seems to get harder for me and the hole grows, good luck i wish you well, Thomas

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