Jennifer's Second Chance

by Jennifer Neher
(Ocean Springs, MS)

I had to put my 12 1/2 year old golden retriever, Chance, down yesterday. I can't eat, sleep, think. I have been crying since it happened. I cant believe I will never see him again, rub his head, throw his ball, step over him in the kitchen...I want to move because I can't stand it that everything reminds me of him....I am so lonely, and I feel like I lost my best friend...I had him cremated so I can be buried with him, do dogs go to heaven? If they do he will definitely go, he was such a great dog, he was so goofy, and I loved him...My heart is so broken right now my life will never be the same.

He had a mast cell sarcoma and I had it removed a year ago, but it came right back 3 times bigger, the vet said he couldn't make it through another surgery and I did not want him to suffer. I woke yesterday morning and he was laying in a pool of blood, he had dug into the necrotic mass on his flank and lost a lot of blood, it would not clot because of the histamine in the tumor. When I took him to the vet they said it was time, the blood wouldn't clot. They laid him in the grass at the vet and the vet and the vet tech sat with me, then I grabbed Chance by the neck and told him I was so sorry it ended this way and that I loved him. They put the shot in his arm and he just feel asleep in my arms. I have so many doubts, should I have had more surgery, should I have tried harder, should I have asked the vet to give me a shot tooo....I cant express the absolute heartbrokenness I am feeling right now. My life will never be the same.