Jim 08-08-53 - 11-01-11
I attended my 4th grief session today. We were asked to bring two pictures of our spouse to show and talk about. I did not have any problems choosing the pictures that I wanted to take because I knew my husband loved to fish. He would rather have been fishing than doing any thing else. One I chose was a picture of him holding a 9 1/2 Bass that he caught from the bank at Lake Fork during Brandt Engineering's 1st fishing tournament. The second one was of him sitting at Jam Rocks in Corozal, Bellize C.A.
I found it very difficult to talk about him and it makes me sad and I cry when I do talk about him. I do not know why it is so hard to talk about the man I loved with all my heart and soul but it is. The only thing I can think of is that with me being a very private person that what we had is private and between Jim and I. We were inseperatable. We did everything together. We laughed together, we loved together, we played together, we were a couple together. we even cried together at times.
Life feels so empty without him. I know I have shed more tears in the last 4 months than I have in a life time. I know that I will shed even more during the following months.
He never thought he would live past the age of 53. He lost both of his parents by the time he was 13. His Dad died of a stroke at 53 and his Mom in a car accident less than 6 months later. Every day that he lived past the age of 53 he was very thankful for. He was 58 when he passed away. He was raised by his Uncle Bill and Aunt Dorothy, but he always said he felt like he never was really a part of the family. He had two half sisters and three half brothers. He was never really close to any of them. The only two he could really relate to were his brother Jerry and his sister Joyce. I think they were the two that he felt any kind of connection with besides his sister in law Cathy.
Maybe if I come here more often and talk about him the pain with ease and it will make it easier to talk about him to other people.
I love you Jim and I miss you so very much.