J.J. of Fort Wayne, IN

I lost my husband 4 weeks ago today. I am anxious, stressed and the pain is almost unbearable some days. Sometimes, I don't know how to make it to the next minute. We were together almost 40 years and he was 66. He had multiple health issues and died of a third heart attack.

it's overwhelming and as my doctor put it "you have lost part of you". It was 4 weeks ago today. December 14, 2010.

We never protected ourselves financially because we were money short and raised our children. I have a big family but no one seems to know or can even understand how horrible this is for me. I don't expect that, they couldn't.

I was always so sympathetic to friends and women who lost their husband. I knew that could be me, anytime.

He was a good man and wonderful family man, husband, grandfather and one great grandson. He was an amazing keyboard player and everyone knew it. People who were wonderful musicians spoke at his funeral and praised his ability to play by ear and play anything anyone asked for. He played in Fort Wayne with a band called "Sweet" and they were a one hit wonder with a song called "Love is like oxygen". Their keyboard player was in the hospital. He was asked to tour with them. He said no. That's not what he wanted. He wanted to remain with his family and play music locally. Fame and fortune was not what he wanted.

He was very funny, and you could not talk to him without walking away with a smile.

Part of my anxiety is money. Don't know I am going to make it. Reality sets in and we all have bills to pay. That's the way it is.

My tears, and sobbing come in waves and I don't know how to get better.

He loved me so much! I loved him too. I just don't know how to bear it. This is worst I have ever gone through.

Thanks for listening

JJ

Comments for J.J. of Fort Wayne, IN

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Jan 13, 2011
for JJ
by: Jen

Hi,

Stick around with all the wonderful people on this site.

We will help and support you all we can in this unwanted journey that you now face.

Jen

Jan 12, 2011
Condolences
by: Brigadoonlass

My darling husband of just 8 short months passed away on December 18th after a long illness. So much of what you and some others have written rings true for me.

I sit at night expecting him to be in the kitchen making himself a snack or even that he has gone away with work and will be home soon! then suddenly as if I have been smacked in the face with a shovel I hear" HE DIED" though nobody is speaking.

Now that 3 weeks have passed I'm trying to get the legal stuff sorted out and its a nightmare. I am seriously thinking of writing a book for women about what to do if your husband is terminally ill. I feel I can't grieve my darling hubby's passing for worrying about what legal "rock" I'm going to wake up next to tomorrow.

I feel your pain and I am really sorry for your loss.
Linda

Jan 11, 2011
to JJ
by: Judith

Dear JJ, please know we are here for you even tho at times we can hardly be here for ourselves because we're all in some stage of grieving. It will be four months the 14th. I wish I could say it gets better but right now for me it's going backwards. I had some bright days about two months into it but that changed.

Isn't it nice when folks say "why didn't you". Most of us are in the same boat and there wasn't money for life insurance, much less health insurance and then paying extensive medical bills associated with no cure for illnesses, and outrageous drug bills, plus buying supplies to care for them at home..

My adult son now wants to live with me and I'd have to begin supporting him because he's not working and the outlook is slim.

I wish you the best and check out all the resources you may be entitled to.

Visit often here and do read past posts too for Lost Spouse or true love in Yourspace section here.

Jan 11, 2011
Helping each other helps us
by: M Mack

JJ,

I feel for the pain you are going through. You are not alone out there. I keep repeating the same thing every time I post and guess what??? It helps me in more ways than I would ever imagine. I want to encourage others and at the same time I add a small piece of strength to my soul.

I lost the most wonderful man I have ever known 6 months ago. He was everything to me. He used to say "this is the greatest love story all time!" He was right and I will never get over his death, ever. Yet, I know it's got to be this way and I am also very sad and lonely.

Come to this site as often as you need to. Pray for strength and take baby steps when you need to. Most of all don't rush through grief, it needs time. My prayers for you.
M Mack

Jan 11, 2011
6 WEEKS FOR ME
by: PAT

J.J. (my husband's initials)
I lost my husband Joe 6 weeks ago. I'm pretty much in the same position you are in. My husband was on the UNOS list awaiting cardiac transplant when he passed away on December 3rd. We let our home go due to the mounting medical bills. We moved to an apartment on November 14, 2010 and he passed away three weeks later. We never even got settled in the apartment. I don't even qualify for widow's benefits for another year and 1/2 ~ have to wait until I turn 60. My husband was 9 years older than me ~ we were married for 37 years.

The pain and loneliness in my heart is unbearable right now. I had to move in with relatives because I can't pay the rent on the apartment. I left my job in July (upon the advice of the transplant team at the University of Chicago) so I have no income and no job. Some how God will get me through this.

I, like you, have daily waves of crying. My husband was great~always the life of the party. Everyone loved him. We had 400 memorial cards printed and ran out 1 hour before his wake was over. I'm as frustrated, lonely and afraid as you are. There are some really wonderful people on this site. Writing your feelings really helps.

Jan 11, 2011
Hand to mouth survival techniques...
by: Esperanza

JJ,

My husband died 12/06/09. Later when the help,worry and consideration disappeared....
Some one asked Why didn't He have Life Insurance?!! As though it were never a consideration. We lived hand to mouth, no nest egg, no CD accounts and no life insurance.

Do you have minors in the house under 18? Can you collect survivors benefits from social security? Find out if there are any benefits that you may be entitled to. It might be that you cannot collect them until you are 60? 62?

But check it out. It is survival of the fittest as you try to tread water. I know that survival of the day is what you desire and when you get situated that is all you can expect of yourself.

But in order, roof, food, transportation, heat.

So what you can even if it means moving in with someone or taking a room mate. I know, I have a 12 yr old and wondered what would happen to me.

I have survived a year financially, One thing that I truly was unable to give a crap about initially. Deep mourning makes it impossible to think. List list list. Your memory will be gone for some time and it is hard to remember trash day much less figure out how to pay the rent.

Remember survival of the fittest, Best of luck Hope to hear from you soon.

Jan 11, 2011
jj of Fort Wayne
by: jules

JJ - you have come to a good place, this site can be your sounding board, it has saved the sanity of so many of us. We can't help you financially, but emotionally we are there for you, we will be there for you for as long as you need us - there are people on this site who have been here for a couple of years, we have all lost a loved one, be it husband, wife, parent, child or friend.

We do understand what you are going through - go on the "lost spouse" section in Your Space, for support from other wives, husbands or partners, but read other posts as well, they will help you.

As we say - take one step, one breath each morning, and you will get through this - it won't be easy, but you will survive.
Read some of the older posts - they will help give you some comfort..

Take care
one step, one breath
jules

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