Jon I miss you so much!!!!!

On July 13, 2011 I lost my oldest son Jonathan at the age of 26. He was attending School full time and working part time. He was to graduate this fall. He leaves behind his 6 year old son Jonathan with whom he had joint custody. His son was here in NJ spending the summer with his dad and extended family. Jon was not ill and this was so sudden and unexpected we are still in shock. He lived with his grandparents and when they checked to see if he was awake for school, he was gone. I am so heartbroken as is my husband and his younger brother. My cousin lost her only child and daughter at the age of 16 in a car accident 2 years ago and we have been by her side ever since. I guided her to the group Commpassionate Friends and we started a Scholarship Foundation in her name. Now this nighmare becomes my reality and this hell becomes my new life. I can't believe this tragedy has happened to our family twice. I would give my life if I can have my son back. Nothing can possibly hurt worse than this pain of never seeing my child again. I want to text him to come over and have something to eat. I miss him so much. All of the memories of my baby come flashing back as we put together those picture boards for the wake service. I can't even look at a picture now. We are starting a scholarship for my grandson who has been amazing through this. We have helped raise him like parents since he was born. He would not let me cry around him during the wake and during the funeral he kept telling us you have another Jonathan. He had me smiling at my sons funeral. He has to go back to his mother out west and now visitation will be interesting. We will work on a schedule but life will never be the same. Jon I miss you so much!!!!!!!!!!

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Jul 21, 2013
2 years later and I still cannot believe my son is gone
by: Jon's Mom

I am 2 years into the loss of our son Jon. I still cannot comprehend that my son is gone. I have changed both mentally and physically. I am no longer religious. I do not hate a god I just do not know if one really exits. For 26 years I have know the whereabouts of my son. I know for sure where I left him in the cemetery but now I am supposed to believe he is in heaven somewhere. This is supposed to make me feel better. People say, he is watching over you. Who would want to watch their loved one be sad, grieve or just live without them? Why would I be happy my son is in heaven when no one knows if it really exits!! I do not blame the death of my son on anyone. The death of your child will either turn you to religion, away from religion or just completely question everything which is where I am at. I have to tell you that I have been attending church regularly for 24 years and still do at times. I just don't feel as I have before. This is my grief and I am not to be judged. This is just where I am at 2 years later. I am otherwise content. I have a job and a functioning life. I have a husband and son that I love very much and they keep me going. My 8 year old grandson (my late son's son)just recently visited us and he is doing well too. Life goes on but it is not the same. When your child dies a large part of you dies too but you will adjust and change. You'll just have to find out who you will become. It's a daily process and a rollercoaster at times. Some people will expect you to be over it or just don't want to mention your child because maybe it will upset you. It's crazy, don't they know you think about your lost child almost every minute of the day? Anyway this is me, Jon's mom, 2 years after I wrote the above post. Still missing, loving and remembering my Jon...yesterday, today and forever. Jon's Mom

Aug 01, 2011
by: JOY

Life is never the same after the loss but there is solace. We are not alone. The death is shocking and painful but take solace in the fact that there will be a reunion some day. Death is a necessity and a must for all mortals, no matter how long we live. Live each day as it comes, the future will take care of itself.
I feel your pain. I lost my son to gun violence, very traumatic, so ,I know how it feels.
Take care of yourself.

Jul 31, 2011
I'm so sorry
by: Lori

I am so sorry for your loss of your precious son. I last my son Zach age 24yrs, 1 year ago in an accidental gun accident and died instantly. I can't say that it gets easier but somehow you are able to bear the pain each day and remember good times and happy times and the smiles come back remembering them. I do feel that God had a plan for these men. We were blessed to have them and have to look for small signs that they are still with us in spirit. I just have to say that good memories do help and don't be afraid to talk to people and say his name. Take Care and know there are people that want to help......please let them.

Jul 30, 2011
Jon, I miss you so much
by: Sue

Hello... your grief touched my own sore heart - my beloved husband passed away on 5th March this year and this is the hardest journey any wife and mother has to embark upon.
You do not say how Jon died - please do not blame yourself for anything, the fact that he was with you so much and that his own son was staying with you demonstrates that you were a loving, close family. I do not know how long this tearing grief lasts- my friends who have been down this road tell me that it does get more bearable in time but I am still waiting for that to happen! You just have to take each day as it comes, celebrate his wonderful life and that you were privileged to be a part of it for 26 special years.
I am thinking of you and sending you strength, wisdom and cleansing tears.
My love to you,

Jul 29, 2011
by: sarah

so sorry for your loss i cant be much help i lost my son the same way on the 18th of june and still have no reason xxxx

Jul 29, 2011
from Shirley in Calif
by: Anonymous

Hugs to's still very very fresh. I lost my son last August. It was "somewhat" unexpected. He was diagnosed with leukemia on May 31 and we had his bone marrow transplant all set up but he ended up with sepsis and died ten weeks later. He was also attending college full time, coached youth basketball and was such a love to have around. He was 23 years and 27 days old on the day he died. I attended my first CF meeting three weeks later. It has saved my life so far. I also belong to a couple of closed facebook groups for grieving parents. It's been one step, one breath at a time. I'm still in shock. I still question why I'm here and what was the purpose of this disaster every morning when I first open my eyes. Here is a quote from Marsha Flynn Abbott:
"Recovering from loss? I'm not sure anyone can be expected to recover from the death of their child; considering the value of what was lost and the consequences of that loss. I think recovery is a misleading and empty expectation. We recover from broken limbs and bad illnesses. This type of loss goes into the category of catastrophic...Catastrophic loss by definition precludes recovery. It will either transform us or destroy us, but it will never leave us the same. There is no going back to the past. The future will..and must include the pain of the past with it. Sorrow never entirely leaves the soul of a parent who endures the death of a child. If anything, it takes us to a deeper place in which we have the opportunity to come face to face with..the soul."
God bless all of us mothers who have endured the loss of our beloved children.
(p.s. July 13th would have been Dimitri's 24th birthday. He spent his 23rd in the hospital undergoing chemo....Dimitri Parks 7/13/87 to 8/9/10.)

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