by Bev
(New York)

I just lost my son, Jonathan, December 10th, 2010 and I am so, so sad, the pain is unbearable. Jon went into the emergency room the day before Thanksgiving with pneumonia and never came out of the hospital alive. He had complications including withdrawal from alcohol dependency and went into a coma from which he never returned.

Jonathan was only 39 years old and had 3 small children; 7,5 and 2 years old; children he will never get to see grow up, go to proms, graduate from school or get married and have his grandchildren. He always said he wanted to walk his 2 girls down the aisle and now he won't get to.

Jon was a kind, compassionate and loving person who had many friendships that have lasted many, many years, some since nursery and grade school. It touched my heart and made me proud to see the number of people that came to his wake and to see how many lives he had touched in his short time on this earth.

Jon's motto was "Hugs are Free" and he would give them out generously, even to strangers if he thought they were having a bad day. I really do miss those wonderful bear hugs and calling him just to see how he was doing.

I know my life will never be the same and it's very hard this time of year when everyone is so cheerful and I feel like never getting out of bed to face another day without my son. I know someday it will get easier but right now I can't even imagine a life without Jonathan.......

Comments for Jonathan

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Dec 26, 2010
Thank You
by: Bev

Thanks to everyone who responded to my blog for my son, Jonathan. Christmas was hard but we had his three children with us and that made it more bearable. I pray that we all find some peace and solace in wonderful memories of our loved one.

God bless you all.....

Dec 25, 2010
my heart is with you.
by: kay

Dear Bev,

We are on the same journey, one that will never end until we are together with our sons again. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my beautiful son in May this year and it stills seems like yesterday, the pain and heartache is still raw. A mother has a special connection with their child no matter what happens throughout their lives,we travel the bumpy roads with them and enjoy the good times as well. I just take a step at a time, somedays I just sit and think and cry all day, others I cry on the inside and ache to hold my boy in my arms like I imagine you do. Bev just remember that we are not alone. I am sending you love and healing. Thinking of you. Kay

What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love becomes a part of us.

Dec 24, 2010
I feel your pain!
by: Cindy


I am so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain... I lost my husband November 15, 2010, and I am so lost and I know the feeling of not even wanting to get out of bed. I don't even want to go to bed, because I know when I wake, I feel that pain again that I will have to face daily. It is so hard to understand why Rusty was taken away from me. We had a wonderful marriage for almost 35 years and he was the best husband anyone could ever as for. He treated me so good and I just can't understand why God took him from me. I miss him with all my heart and I am so broken.

I am so sorry you had to lose your son. Rusty blessed me with a son and daughter,and if I lost them right now, there would be no reason for me to continue. I want you to know I am here for you if you ever want to talk. I have found on here that it helps so much to talk with others that are experiencing the same grief.


Dec 23, 2010
Me Too
by: Pat J

I lost my husband Joe on December 3rd. He died while waiting for a heart transplant. We have three small grandsons who will never remember their grandpa.

Prior to his death he arranged a for a good friend of his to play Santa. Santa came to my son's house this evening. My entire family was there.....all of our friends, everyone making merry. I wanted to scream and go and hide under my son's bed. I spent most of the evening in the bathroom crying. I know the pain. Sometimes I feel like my chest is going to burst open.

I was reading a book this morning and there was a passage in it.......We grieve so much because we loved so deeply. Yes that is the problem. We loved these people so much and now we have to try to pick up the pieces and go on without them. Our lives will never ever be the same again. Everyone keeps telling me, take it one day at a time. My pain too is unbearable. It's especially hard with Christmas. Maybe we are blessed to get it over with so soon. I close my eyes at night and all I can see is my husband. I lay in bed and cry. Everyone tells me it will get better. I hope for that for you. Losing my husband and best friend is painful. I can't even imagine losing a child. We have to learn to live with the pain although that seems almost impossible right now. I will pray for peace for both of us.

Dec 23, 2010
Our Sons
by: Anonymous

Dear Bev, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my 36yr. old son to suicide on Sept. 20th, 2010, he also left 3 children behind although his 3 boys are older 16yrs. old 12yrs.old & 10yrs. old. Thanksgiving was very hard & now Christmas, I'm not looking forward to waking up Christmas morning. There's not anything I can say to make it better, I know this first hand. I can't even tell you if it will ever get easier because I still hurt so bad. Someone sent me a poem. My First Christmas in Heaven if you haven't read it before, I posted it on Theirspace. May God wrap his arms around you and my he give you the strength you need to keep going.

Just one of many feeling the pain.
Pat Foster

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