Judy From FL. Re: Living in the here and now comment

by Hope
(Tappahannock VA)


I just read you comment about the Love bugs in Fla. and how the Female holds on and flies with her dead mate attached until he drops off. That story really hit home.
I am trying to live MY Life, But with Paul being part of my past it is difficult to let him go. Somehow to keep him as a warm memory that I am lucky to have experienced. Trying to move on is still hard. Seeing other couples holding hands still brings a twinge of loneliness that all the projects on the world will not relieve.

There is one thing that I am certain of. When I yearn for him, I Know that I am not all together healthy enough to "Move on" to another man, lonely as I am...I am still looking for Paul in every one that I "consider". So alone I will be for now. Perhaps we need to take this time to enjoy our independence and individuality. We want to share as we did but since there is no one to share with, let us be selfish and a little self centered for now attending to our needs and wants. Yes we want what we can not have, agreed. But it is what it is and I hope that you and I, everyone who has lost the one Love that was the center of their universe can find contentment in this life. We all so deserve it. It's been one heck of a grief road we traveled. I am weary but stronger, Hope the same for you...

Comments for Judy From FL. Re: Living in the here and now comment

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May 31, 2011
Holding On
by: Linda

Judy, it will be six months for me on June 1. I will hold him forever until I fall out of the sky. Love hurts very much. I wish you strength.

May 25, 2011
Re; Living in the here and now
by: Mari

Hope, you have said it exactly as it is.We are finding a way to deal with the struggles of losing our loved one. It seems to me that many people on this board just find ways to cope. Perhaps it is a God given thing.In a sense we are like the Florida love bugs because we want to hold on to the memories.
I have my husband's picture of both of us on my cell phone and feel kind of frantic if I cannot bring it up right away. It has to be there.
I am redoing the house and I even bought a new car. My husband had this thing about wanting me to have a new car every 2 years and he would tell me to go trade mine in. So I bought the car. To be honest I hoped to feel his presence when buying the car but didn't.
It has been a year and a half for me. So here I am , new car, new job, new kitty cat.I sure miss my husband but things are alright. I just keep going.
I believe we find ways to cope and become individuals too.Life does not stand still for us and God gave us the ability to cope with losses in our own way. You are doing good and you are an encouragement to others. Take care.

May 25, 2011
Living for now
by: Judith in California

Hope , you have spoken for me . I too just can't let Chuck fall away yet. I want to hang on for dear life to all we had. I wasn't ready to let him go for me but I knew it was time for God to take him due to his loosing all his abilities . I look at our pictures on our wedding day at The Chapel of the Bells in Las Vegas and it seems like yesterday not 36 yrs. ago. I love him now as much.

AND I, like you , know I must be lonely for a while until I can stop looking for him in every man I see. The mold was broken and there will be no one like him. It would be a dis-service to want to be with someone because they look like someone we still love. I'm using this time to get to know myself and what I will or won't tolerate in a new relationship. I don't know if marriage would ever be in the future for me because I gave all of me to Chuck. I'm enjoying going to the mall and meeting new women friends and still meeting with ex-co-workers and doing things with them.

But I sit sometimes with not enough to do and it drives me buggy because I was so used to caring for my husband all day. He was my world.

Thanks for sharing .

May 25, 2011
Love Bugs
by: TrishJ

I am definitely in the "Love Bug" stage. It will be 6 months for me soon. I'm holding on to my mate although I wouldn't exactly call it flying. I'm holding on and crawling right now.
At the 6 month point I am not ready to let go of Joe. I need to hold on. I am in no way ready to even start to let go.
This is why I need everyone here to guide me. I so admire all of the strong women who post on this site. I know I'll get there ~ it just takes time and patience.
Thank you Hope. Wishing you a wonderful day!

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