July 2, 2013, was the most painful day of my life....

by Lynne
(WA., USA)

I suppose my story is just like any other...but, maybe not...
This story started 3 years ago, after my Precious Hubby had a massive heart attack, had a out of body experience and came back to talk about it, and talk He did...
He was at work and slumped over in his pickup truck dead, his friend found him and tried and tried to wake him and could not, called 911, all the while doing CPR, paramedics got there shocked him, after 15 minutes, and brought him back to life...this feels like it happened yesterday...Had quadruple bypass surgery and contracted e-coli, staph and pneumonia all in the same day...13 days of recovery, of which they didn't even think he would be normal again...but, he came through with flying colors...
Fast forward, Jan. 7, 2013...Double Aortic Aneurysm, 7cm, he just never really recovered, we went back and back and back to the Dr. and in and out of several hospitals, they could never really figure it all out, then went to another major hosp. and they hit the nail on the head within 1 hour...Pancreatic Cancer, stage 5...I guess now looking back, neither of us really understood it all, but, we left, stopped at a few places on the way home, took lots of pictures and continued on our journey home, got home and he felt really ok, till about 3 weeks before passing, the weight loss made him look a Auschwitz survivor....as the weeks grew into months(2 to be exact), it became quite obvious he was going downhill very fast, 1 week before passing he could no longer walk, tooo weak, he stopped eating also, water was repulsive, so ice chips only...walking was impossible,,,
You know, this is the first time I have recalled any of this, details included, sorry, for my rambling, but, I guess its healing to do this...and 6 days later he died in my arms....
NEVER in my life have I felt such intense pain, in every part of my body, as I am typing it brings tears again....like I said to Don, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy....I know it must be this way,
I guess I need encouragement, ..your right, family is busy and they really dont/wont take the time to grieve with us..., then you think I thought I raised them different...hmmmmmm!
Oh well ! Thanks for listening...
Grief, is there for a reason, but, the PAIN !!!

Comments for July 2, 2013, was the most painful day of my life....

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Sep 09, 2013
by: Lynne

It also helps me to hear more of these "Grief club" stories....Your right ..keep on keepin' on !

Sep 05, 2013
by: Joe

My dear wife of 43 years died on July 9, 2013 and our experience was very similar to what you and your husband went through. Like you I'm overwhelmed with the loss and suffering and though our sons have wonderful they have their own families and lives so in the end it is a very solitary journey. I do thank God for the support of people many of whom were complete strangers. I.m also thankful to you and others on this website for your stories and know that realizing that others are struggling with the same things is in some way uplifting. I believe that God called our loved ones home and that we will be with them again and this gives me hope but like you I find the living till then part so darn hard, painful,confusing and lonely. Lynn please keep living, keep loving and keep getting better.

Sep 02, 2013
dear Lynn
by: silver

Your welcome.I don't know how others make it if they don't believe that they will see their loved ones again.That's one of the major things that keeps me going.Hang in there.We're here for you with loving support.

Aug 30, 2013
To Silver......
by: Lynne

Thanks ever soo much for your comments...they helped and yet made me cry....I am learning, that I heal faster in anything if I can talk, I guess this is talking with my fingers (LOL!!)...Your thoughts are mine exactly...I too, believe in a place after we die...My husband went there in 2010 and talked with The Great and Mighty KING of the Universe and my Saviour,,,Jesus...I know with all I am that my husband is probably talking with John or Jermiah because that is who he always said he wanted to talk to....It helps tremendously to know that he is waiting and Ill see him someday, doesnt take away the lonliness or the guts being pulled out right through ones skin feelings, but, it does help a little...again THANKS !!! Your a peach....

Aug 30, 2013
July 2,2013,was the most painful day of my life
by: silver

Dear Lynn,as I read your note tears began to fall down my cheeks.WHY? Because I know exactly how you are feeling.I think Lawrence said it the best way I have heard:"I feel like a separated Siamese Twin." My love went home May,2010.Although it has been 2 yrs I still miss him so very much.We met after I started divorce proceedings from my first husband.We became such great friends.He was always there for me.He played with my children at the park,took me to the store and other appointments.I left Colorado to go live with my parents in Alabama so I could go to school and be able to support my young children.He followed me.We got closer and eventually got married.We were married for 33yrs.He died one week after our anniversary.I guess in a way he died in my arms.He was in ICU.I had to tell them to turn off the machines when they told me he had lung failure,kidney failure and his heart was only operating at 30%.He only had 34% of his lung power when he went in and they had found a tumor in his lungs.They couldn't do surgery or radiation because of his lungs.I feel for you having to deal with your loves dying so slowly at home(in a way).I know if my husband had come home he would have only lived for a couple of days.I know I would have been terrified to sleep.I can only imagine how you coped.I DO BELIEVE in afterlife with GOD.That's how I cope with my loss.I know I will see him again one day.If I didn't have this to hold onto I don't know how I would go on.Lawrence is right about another thing,you need to find something to do.I write poetry.Some of it is here on this site with some really beautiful ones by others.One I really liked and fits so well for us is:THREE STEPS FORWARD.I send you hugs to take out when you need one.I wish I was closer to you to be able to have someone's shoulder to cry on when you needed it.I won't lie to you,there will still be many hard days ahead but you CAN make it.In the meantime,come to this site.It has really helped me.GOD bless you and send you strength and peace.I keep all of us in my prayers.

Aug 25, 2013
another THANKS !!
by: Lynne

Words again seem sooo inadequate...but, THANKS AGAIN FOR ALL OF YOUR LOVE POURED OUT TO ME!!!
It doesnt seem like a day goes by without tears rolling down my cheeks and my heart aching,...this situation happened the other day and Id like to share it with you all.. my husband was a Mr. Fixit, he could make or fix anything...the back door knob came off in my hand the other day as I was opening it and I fussed with it and fussed with it,to no avail, finally giving up, I taped it to the door. LOL!!!PLEASE!! Laugh, I did ! ; )
I needed that laugh, then I cried...

Aug 25, 2013
Your pain
by: Lawrence

The pain and anguish you are feeling is something so familiar to us all on this site, as I said elsewhere never again will you experience such total agony and devastation at losing the love of your life.
It is eight months today since I lost my beloved wife after being together for nearly seventy years, we were childhood sweethearts and fell completely head over heels in love at the tender age of 14 and 15 and we were never apart except when I did my national service and the babies arriving so I have no need to tell you how difficult I am finding it, but love in finite as is life and there are no happy endings.
Grief is self-limiting and I find the tears don’t fall as they did but I still feel like a separated Siamese twin and I don’t think that feeling will ever go.
I have found solace in music and writing, I serenade her almost every evening by playing her favorite songs like MOON RIVER, THE MOUNTAINS OF MOURNE and THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM on the organ or guitar and I know if she is listening she will have a lovely gentle smile on her face. My GOD I love her so much.
I keep a smile on my face for the family who needless to say are so precious to me and I know my two daughters and the grandchildren are grieving too but inside I am weeping still.
I am having violin lessons in preparation to joining an orchestra in September, my teacher asked me when I had my last lesson and I told her in 1943.she replied with a smile “Well, we have some catching up to do”
So, as you can see I am keeping busy to keep the grief at bay, I strongly suggest you find something that will interest you and occupy your mind.
Look after yourself.

Aug 24, 2013
by: Jenny

Hi Lynne,
It touched my heart to read of your pain.
I'm sending you long distance hugs from Australia. I feel your pain just as I feel my own. It's so hard to lose your partner, husband, friend, love of your life. And the pain is real and physical, as if a part of you has been ripped away. And he has. And that's so hard to deal with and accept.
Your kids suffer too, they have lost their Dad, but it's easier for them to move on with their lives. They feel pain but it's not constant like yours, not so all consuming. Let them share your loss in any way they are able to.
I lost my beautiful Peter suddenly in January. After more than 32 loving and happy years together I felt as if my whole being had been shattered into a million pieces. I felt I wasn't even ME any more. Like many others I've had to adjust to being alone, not part of a couple. Words can't really express it. Yet people have told me I am so strong when I have never felt weaker.
It's 7 months now. I'm beginning to cope a little better. Peter is still with me, in my thoughts, every minute of the day. I still cry every day, usually when I'm at home alone. I still miss him terribly and would give anything to have him walk through the door. I don't really believe in life after death, i hate to think that his life is totally over, it's hard, he was so full of life.
Gradually I am finding the strength to go on. I really didn't want to. I just wanted to join him.
I hope you will find strength and comfort, Lynne.
Take care. I'm sorry I went on so much about my own loss. It does help to share with someone who knows. Hugs to you. Jenny

Aug 24, 2013
by: Lynne

Words seem sooo inadequate at this time in all of our lives...I do sooo THANK and appreciate all of your comments..its sooo good to know I am NOT alone....If its any consolation, it has helped to know there are others out there experiencing this AWFUL PAIN,,,others say they know what I and all of us are feeling, but, do they ?...I dont think anyone can know unless they have been there and done that ...as the saying goes....
I just want to give my condolences to all of you who are going through this grief thing...IT IS AWFUL, but, there is grace on the other side, from what I am told...

Aug 22, 2013
I am so sorry
by: Kristin

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I think it is helpful to remember that you were blessed to have him in your life, and you will one day be reunited with him... and this time for an eternity. I just lost my boyfriend one month ago and this is the only thing that keeps me going. And knowing how he would want me to keep living life, not to give up. i have decided to live my life for him... dedicated to his honor. This allows me to even get out of bed in the morning. I grieve constantly, but i know i was lucky to have him in my life. I hope you can find some peace in knowing this about your husband. God bless

Aug 22, 2013
You Are Not Alone
by: Anonymous


i am so sorry. i know what you are going through. i just lost my wonderful boyfriend in June. He was diagnosed with lung cancer, had surgery, chemo and radiation and two years later he died in my arms. i miss him so much. He was sweet, funny, easy going, handsome and loved to have a good time. Seems like everyday I just go through the motions to get through the day. Nothing brings me joy. I know it will get easier for both of us, just know that other people are going through the same things you are experiencing. I would rather have had him for the time I did and made the memories we made than never to have known him at all.

Aug 22, 2013
July 2, 2013, was the most painful day of my life.....
by: Doreen U.K.

Lynne I am sorry for your loss of your husband Don. You have been through such an up and downhill struggle. Good your husband had those Spiritual experiences which I know would have given him the inner strength to keep fighting for life. But often we can only fight so hard and have to rely on REALITY. Cancer is the disease that tells us more often "I am going to die". Your story is all too familiar with all of us going through grief. You are left with this UNBEARABLE pain and must wonder what is going on. None of us are prepared for this type of PAIN. It crushes us and leaves us crying for days into months. Then it gets less over time and you are left with the memories, emptiness, and loneliness.
My husband worked with Asbestos and the fibres lodged in his lungs and gave him lung cancer which was terminal. This type of cancer is inoperable, incurable, and aggressive. I was his caregiver for 3yrs.39days when he died 15 months ago. I had a horrendous cancer journey with him. He stopped eating, became emaciated and didn't want to die. This is the worst part looking into the eyes of the man you love and powerless to help him. All the time dying inside with him. We all know we are going to die one day. BUT. To sit with one you love and they know they are going to die soon but not know when is the most devastating experience. You wonder what is going through their minds. Then they have the pain of knowing they will never see their loved ones again, and this must hurt them. But they can't express this. I know how you feel. This is a horrendous journey of grief. Having to restructure our lives is not going to be easy. Just take one day at a time. don't look too far ahead. You have the freedom to do what you are able to whenever, and to leave the rest undone till you are able to tackle this. We don't have to work to some timetable. But doing small jobs each day at least helps. I lost my motivation for months. Just got it back but not every day. I just accept each day as it unfolds and try to make the most of this day. I wish you Healing, strength, comfort and Peace in life and I hope you have supportive family and friends to walk with you through your valley of grief. It does get better in time. Don't give up!

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