July 4th Weekend and Yet another holiday without My Love...
July 4th is tomorrow...
Another Holiday to "celebrate"
Without My Love it is forced.
But My son expects it and I will keep My facade on for him.
I am bombarded with painful recent occasions without him.
1. His Birthday June 4th
2. June 6th 2010 6 months after his death (am I making progress?)
3. Fathers Day, Thankfully in FLA. distracted by the beauty. Sobbing when we hit the Keys wishing him there.
4. June 29th My 50th Birthday
I cannot actually celebrate jack shit without him, and I will not apologize for my language or spelling errors. I can paste a smile on my face for my son. I can still see the beauty around me and thank god for getting me though another day. But as the tears well I miss him and always will. My Cajun Love,
Look down on me and give me strength for without you I am but a shell of my former self. I have never faked anything yet I go on, the man of the house. A role I do not want. Is it you ringing the doorbell when no one is there? Telling me keep on trucking...I shall I will survive. I am weeping again the FLA reprieve from grief is over and here comes reality smacking me in the face reminding me of my loss.
If I could touch you (one more time)
If we could eat a meal together (one more time)
If we could sit on the porch and chat (one more time)
If I could Kiss you (just one more time)
If we could just take one last shower together as we have for 17 years (just one more time)
My heart my head it aches with grief.... without you but I will go on (one more day)