Just a Moment in Time and My Life Is Forever Changed

by Linda Lauer
(Land O Lakes, FL)

It's been just over one year since my husband, John was killed on his way home from work. John was working the closing shift at his employment and was riding his motorcycle home from work as he usually did. Just a few blocks from home a careless driver not paying attention to the road simply crossed over the center line and ran him over. He died instantly that night on June 9, 2011. I was home waiting for him to get home. He was usually home around 11:30PM or a little earlier or a little later. When he didn't come home by midnight, I really started to worry as he always came straight home. I called his cell and the employer and got no answer. By 12:30 I knew that something was wrong and left with my 17 year old grandson who lived with us to drive to his work to see if he were broke down along the way. I only got a few blocks and as I came around the bend all I saw was the flashing red and blue lights of the sheriff's cars. The road was blocked and I got out and crossed under the tape across the road. I had a really bad feeling. I think I already knew. They stopped me and told me they were conducting an accident investigation and asked me to wait there but would not allow me any closer. After about an hour and a half they came and told me that my husband had died in the accident. In just one tragic moment my 57 year old husband had died and I never got to say goodbye. Sadly, by the time I found out the date had changed to 6/10 and that was the day of our 39th wedding anniversary.
My life was forever changed. He was my high school sweetheart and we had married young at the age of 19. We had a wonderful marriage and truly loved one another. We thought we had so much more time together. So many plans that were just over. The grief was so overwhelming and I was so lost. My friend, my lover, my companion, my rock were all gone. Not only was I dealing with the tragedy of his death but having to endure the details of the criminal investigation, speaking with attorneys, insurance companies, and financial decisions. All at a time when you can barely function or stop crying. The grieving process is a long and very painful process. Sometimes I think I am doing pretty well and other times it just hits you all over again. The waves of pain are just as fresh as they were before. I am thankful I have three wonderful children and seven grandchildren to help me. My family, friends and my faith have got me through this first year. I have hope that my life will continue to improve. I know God and John would want for me to be happy. I will never stop loving John or forget him. I miss him every day but I will go on, to honor him and all the wonderful things we had and he taught me about life, love, laughter and family. I will always carry him with me in my heart and mind and I believe we will be re-united some day and then will be together for all eternity. He was my one and only true love.
I am glad to have found this site where we can share our feelings and our sorrow and possibly find comfort from others.

Comments for Just a Moment in Time and My Life Is Forever Changed

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Jul 06, 2012
Just a moment in time and my life changed forever
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Linda
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband in such a tragic accident. I am sorry for you not being able to celebrate your wedding anniversary. We will never know till eternity why such things happen robbing us of our lives here on earth. Your husband was so young. I am glad you have three wonderfull children and equally 7 grandchildren of an age that will comfort you and give you a reason to go on in life when we as wives see no reason to to go on without our spouse. For me I was married 44years when Steve died of lung cancer caused by working with asbestos. The worst day for me was 28th March 2009 on that day we got the diagnosis and I sat in the doctors office and cried and cried hysterically and had to tell my 3 Adult children. Steve sat silent unable to process what was happening. The first thing that came to my mind was. My Steve is going to die. His cancer was aggressive, inoperable and incurable. Steve suffered a very painfull 3yrs.39days till his death on 5th May 2012. (8 weeks now). Steve was ill throughout his cancer and no quality of life. Life is just unbearable now. We did not get to spend any of Steve's retirement. A man works 40 odd years to build up his pension. Looking forward to retirement and then cut down and die. Life has no quality for me now. I am sitting here crying whilst typeing this post to you. I hope that you get good support Linda to carry you through the years ahead without your beloved husband. I sometimes wonder if some deaths could have been preventable. Or do we really have a life span and die when it is our time to go. I can never understand praying for healing and some get a healing and other's don't. They would then feel that God didn't care and this is understandable. Some of the adversity we go through in life is painfull but this loss and grief is the worst ever pain. It comes from deep within our soul. It is almost like life has to be difficult. I remember well the news that a Pastor and his 3 sons were killed in a plane crash. Was this meant to happen? So many people have so much to give in life and never get the chance to give it or live it. I guess no trial in life could be worse than what you, myself, and everyone on this grief website is going through with our Loss of our loved ones. You must feel like myself. As if we are climbing up a steep hill and we are so tired we can't do it anymore as the hill has no end. It just goes on and on and on. Linda I wish you Peace in the midst of your grief and less sorrowfull days with the support of your lovely family.

Jul 05, 2012
My Life is Forever Changed
by: Pat J.

Linda,
Like you my life is forever changed also. It was one year on June 27th that my husband of 46 years died. Our wedding anniversary was June 26th. He had been in and out of the hospital, starting on April 18th of last year. He had health issues-heart and lung issues. We were told he was not dying, one week before he died.
My husband was in the hospital the last time from June 6th until the 25th. We were so glad he was coming home for our anniversary.
On Sunday, June 26th he and I are sitting in our livingroom. He is on oxygen. He tells me what a way for me to be celebrating our anniversary. I told him we were together and that was what mattered. He was home, not in the hospital. He told me something didn't feel right. He said he didn't belong here anymore. I asked him what he meant. He said he couldn't explain it, never felt like this. I just told him, he had been very sick, lost alot of weight, was weak and we were told recovery was going to come slowly. To make a long story short, five hours later he was dead. He had a massive heart attack sitting on the side of our bed. It was so fast; I didn't realize at first that he was gone.
Like you, one year later and I still miss him oh so much. We were together since I was 15, married him at the age of 18. We started our family when I was 20. We had 5 great children. My adult children are always here for me as are our 8 grandchildren. The thing is, I still feel lost and alone. I joined a grief support group through my church and met 3 other widows. We have become very good friends, do things together and are there for each other; as we say we get it.
I am dealing with this new life of mine. I want my husband and my old life back. I know that isn't going to happen in this life. My faith in God and a better life after this one on earth, when I am joined with my husband again keeps me going.
Our grief is with us everyday. Somedays are better than others, but this ache in our hearts, I feel we will always have that. How can we not, after having the love of our life taken away from us. Whether fast or a slow death, death is so final.
My husband was the love of my life. He was my husband, my lover, and my best friend.My life is forever changed. All of us, our life is forever changed. All we can do is go on and make our loved ones, always proud of us.
We have to make all the decisions now. It can be challenging, but we will all make it-One day at a time, sometimes just a moment at a time. God bless us all, we are strong.


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