Just Can't Let Go
My ex and I have been dating for about 7 years. We are both single parents - he has 2,I have 1. We started dating when the kids were 3, 4 and 5. Things were a lot easier then. He had a crazy ex wife at the time, who has since mellowed, so there was a lot of time management and "adventures" in the beginning. We had arguments - mostly over not having enough time for each other. My father recently past away from a long battle with cancer. It has only been 6 months. In addition to that my job has had me working long hours for about a year - oh & he works in my office, so he knew how crazy I was at work. So the past two years have been hell between balancing my relationship, my daughter, my dying father, my mother and eventually the death of my father. Due to my plate being so full, I was confident enough in my relationship to feel I could focus 100% on my parents because I knew my dad didn't have long to live. So I was not the most attentive girlfriend because after my parents came my 9 year old at the time. I barely had time for myself let alone him but we still saw each other every day at work and we did get together when we could on the weekends, week nights. We got into a disagreement one Friday and by Monday he said he had done a lot of thinking and his life isn't where he wants it to be and our relationship isn't what it used to be or what he wants anymore. What we had in the beginning was incredible, he had never felt like that before even for his ex wife but things had changed, the last two years were horrible - oh and he didn't tell me this to my face, he did it through text, email and voice mail. I did finally get him to talk to me but he refused to tell me what was going on and that he needed time. To say the least I was devastated - I mean, the past two years have been the worst in my life and he is using this as the basis of our breakup & not to mention he his doing this before the start of the holiday season, the first one with out my dad - the one I needed him to really be with me during. I feel like he ripped my heart out and stepped on it - not to mention the past 7 years of my life feel like a waste. He wouldn't talk to me, call me back, text me back, nothing. He finally left me a voice mail message saying he doesn't want to say it's over but this isn't what he wants anymore. It's not about love or being attracted to me, he could be with me again and spend the night but things would just go back to being the way they were and he wasn't happy. I told him we could work things out, we can sit down and discuss things - he said we have been trying for 7 years. I said not one time in 7 years have you told me that we were at this point - NOT ONCE. I think he is seeing someone else because when I asked him if he has met someone else, he didn't answer. I asked him if he would rather start over with someone else or TRY to fix things with us - nothing again. I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down and not to mention my daughter who has told him that he is more of a dad to her than her own father. He hasn't asked about her once during all of this. I have to work with him and see him everyday which is killing me. He has no issues with it, he's fine, goes out with his friends on the weekends, goes around the office like nothing is wrong and I can't eat or sleep and my daughter is like MOM, stop already. Working with him is hard but having your 11 yr old tell you he isn't worth it, he has moved on and now so do you, is painful. All I keep thinking about are all the things I could have done, why didn't I try to make him feel more special, more important, why didn't I do this or that and you know in all of our short conversations, I have begged him just to try to work things out - I practically begged him to not walk away after 7 years and all he said was STOP, neither of of us should feel forced to do anything. He said he doesn't feel the same anymore - it started 10/7 and just last Monday, he finally said "Ït's over".....all I do is think my God I never thought we were at this point, I mean I know it's been tough, I have been going through a lot with my dad dying and I haven't been the best girlfriend but I never thought we were at this point. How can he just walk away from 7 years without blinking of an eye. He is tired of doing things alone. Well, I live on one side of town and he lives on another and he will NOT move and I cannót move to where he lives because the schools are horrible and I don't want my daughter to leave her great school for a crappy one, so it was going to be a while until we could live together but I was willing to do what it took to make it work until we could be together. I thought he was the one, we talked about growing old together, living by the water, we made plans - how can he just walk away??? I know our relationship wasn't ideal but I love him and I thought that is what love was about - sacrifice and compromise and being and staying by somoenes side even at the worst possible moment. I feel so crushed, I'm home on a Saturday night crying and he is out either with his new girlfriend or picking up women at a bar with his friends. We are 41 and 43 and I feel like I have just spent 7 years of my life with someeone I don't even know anymore, who can say such harsh things, who breaks up with me like a 16 year old and to not even ask about my daughter who he has been around since she was 4....it kills me. I just want to stop feeling so hurt and the pain and I want to be able to move on like he has. I want to be a role model for my daughter but that's hard when I'm in so much pain. I know my family and friends are over me talking about it, I'm over talking about it but I keep waiting for him to change his mind - even after he said ITS ÖVER. It's just hard for me to come to terms wtih him walking away after discussing our relationship with his friends, his family, himself but never me - all I wanted was a second chance to TRY - no promises just to TRY. I wasn't worth that to him? Our life together wasn't worth that?