Just few sympathy cards in loss of brother

by Pat
(New York)

Am so hurt as to not receiving sympathy cards from friends in loss of brother. I just feel they just didn't think he was important enough. I know my brother would not want me dwelling on this but I am looking at these friends differently. Are they really friends or have I been looking at this relationship through rose colored glasses. I am feeling very differently about who your real friends are and what makes a person a true friend. Thank you.

Comments for Just few sympathy cards in loss of brother

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Sep 23, 2014
Not one sympathy card
by: Anonymous

My Dad died two weeks ago and so far, I have not received any sympathy cards at all - not even one.
This saddens me to no end. At first I thought it was silly to feel this way but I think having something tangible, something to open, sit down, and read, means that someone has taken the time and cared enough to express their feelings in print, even it it is a store bought card. I copied and pasted emails that people sent me into a Word document so I can read those, but even so, it's not the same as receiving a sympathy card in the mail. I live out of town, not near where my Dad lived. I noticed people handing cards to my brother and sister at the service but no one gave one to me then nor has anyone mailed me one. And yet when other relatives have died, or when relatives are ill, I have always sent them cards and little notes. I am grieving and missing my Dad so much.

Apr 05, 2012
I Too am Hurt!
by: Carla

My father passed away March 5 2012. I too did not receive many sympathy cards. I feel the same way, in that I feel I found out who my true friends are! I'm sorry but I think the comment that some people don't know how to deal with death is hogwash. They are not dealing with it! We are! I give sympathy cards to everyone, regardless if I know them or not.(We rally around all members of our congregation for support)Although no one gave me one from my congregation, I find that a bit crazy. The service was not here, It was in another province, but the ones who knew could have least gave me a card!!!!!!

Apr 09, 2011


Unfortunately people are very uncomfortable with death. They do not know what to do or say.
It makes us feel abandoned. Those who do not understand or haven't the courage to bring up the subject makes us feel angry and isolated.

Please find someone who will listen and understand. Most hospitals have hospice grief groups. Do not try to take this on alone. Grief can really only be shared with those that have lost also.

Please read the stories here knowing that your not all alone in your feelings it is a huge help.
Grief tends to magnify all emotions and leaves you feeling so very alone. Remember one breath one step at a time...

Apr 08, 2011
by: Zoe

I lost my beloved a year ago. What I have seen, and you see it here is that alot of people do not know WHAT to say so they say nothing. When you suffer a loss you make those around you uncomfortable, you pain is proof of the fragility of their reality.
I obviously do not know these people, just do not feel your brother has been lessened by their fear.

And remember you can always come here, we are always here and we always listen
One step one breath one day at a time

Apr 08, 2011
Real friends
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss, Pat. Yes, tragedy opens our eyes in a new way. I think most of my friends have been acquaintances, more than heart-to-heart friends. Not everyone can handle someone else's grief and often, they disappear. Some do the right thing for the short term and then they too disappear and go on with their lives. We go on too, but are hobbled by pain and grief. I have learned that I cannot rely on people. We are all "hobbled" by sin and in need of a Savior. I have learned that Jesus Christ is the only one I can truly put my full weight on and He will never let me...or you, down. I am learning to trust in Jesus and cut others some slack - through their slack behavior. Can you do likewise? Blessings. GT

Apr 08, 2011
True Friends Will Always Be There
by: Anonymous

A lot of people don't send cards these days. When my husband passed away I got a lot of phone calls from people who I hadn't heard from in years. People came up to me at his wake ~ I was shocked to see so many of them there.
Real friends will be there for you no matter how they choose to express their condolences. Many people are shallow and don't know what it feels like to lose someone they love. Maybe when they lose someone they will realize that they weren't there for you. A lot of people just don't know what to say so they stay away. Death scares them. Some act like it's a contagious thing. If they get too close it might happen to them.
Look for friends who really care about you and your feelings, people who love you for you. True friends will be there for you in the bad times as well as the good.

Wrap yourself in your beautiful memories and don't be too hard on those around you. Cling to those who did show you comfort in your grief. A true friend is something hard to find. God bless.

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