Just Found Photos

by Barb

I have been posting here for several months, and I am so grateful for all of the support I have found here. "Thank you" to all of you who have managed to reach out and help me despite your own losses and grief. I lost my father to Sudden Cardiac Arrest in January, and recently I thought I was "doing better" (whatever that could even possibly mean). I have been keeping super busy with my kids - school, summer camps, summer traveling, etc. Running away from it I guess? But this past week has been awful and emotional and now I feel like I am going backwards. I am crying a lot again, and I just feel completely overwhelmed by this huge loss in my life. I was so close to my Dad - we had a wonderful relationship and this still seems unreal to me. This evening I was going through my computer files, and found a ton of pictures of my Dad from last Thanksgiving and Christmas. I can't even begin to think about the holidays and how I will get through them. My children are young, and love the holidays, so I cannot deny them the traditions, but part of me wants to stay in bed November and December. I am at such a loss and I am so upset. I will never, ever get over this. I'm sure this is part of the "wave of grief" or the "process of grieving" - I don't care what's it called, it is just awful. Does it ever really get easier? Barb

Comments for Just Found Photos

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Sep 08, 2013
Thank you Anonymous-MI
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your kind words also-they really do mean a lot to me. I think the complete shock of SCA is hindering my recovery too. My mother and I replay EVERYTHING from that day in my mind. Did we overlook something? Did he look sick? Was he tired? And there was nothing. In fact, my Dad had never looked better than he did those few days before he died. I have thought perhaps angels were surrounding him and preparing him for death. He had a very youthful "glow" to him that we still cannot explain. And, as expected, my mother is absolutely devastated. I worry about her so much. I am an only child, and so is she, so our immediate family is incredibly small. Thankfully she has great neighbors, and even though they had just moved to this community a few years ago, they made some great friends. Some are widows, and can relate to her raw emotion and simply sit and listen to her. I know my father would not want me to wallow in my grief, and he certainly would not want me to deprive my children of the holidays. You give good advice about moving on. My dad would want it, and Jesus tells us that we can. God gives us the strength to do this. Some days though, I just can't find it. Thank you again for posting, and I wish you and your family peace.

Sep 07, 2013
by: Anonymous--MI

Barb, my husband died of SCA Nov 2012--I have two grown children who are married and have children. My son lost his best friend when his Dad died and my daughter lost her one person that she could go to for advice and guidance about anything. We are crushed and are in total grief as it has been only 9 months. I can relate to what you are saying; we think that we are getting stronger and dealing with the sorrow and then we are hit with the realization once again that we have lost our loved ones and they are not coming back. Our minds bring up sudden memories that make us fall flat on our face because we miss our loved ones so very much. You mention your children and that the holidays are joy for them. Like my son and daughter with their kids-- you too will give them of yourself for a joyous holiday and a happy life---because your Dad would want you to do just that. We honor their memory by making our life as Christ-like as humanly possible and 'do for others in love'. Doreen is so right in all that she writes for us on this site and her faith in God is strong and she is glad to share that with us. God bless her and you. May we seek Jesus to praise Him for going to the cruel cross taking our very sins upon Himself that we may have eternal life where we will see His face and our loved ones again. What a glorious day that will be.

Sep 07, 2013
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you Doreen, for your heartfelt comments and your understanding. The kind support here is what helps me to get through each day. Wishing you peace, Barb

Sep 07, 2013
Just Found Photos
by: Doreen U.K.

Barb I am so glad you wrote back to let us know that you still need support.
You have kept so busy and this has helped you, almost like a diversion, but could also have stopped THE FLOW of grief. It is now coming out all at once. Have that good cry. Don't be afraid of the crying. This is OUR GRIEF. It washes out our pain. It brings us HEALING all but slowly. We never know what to expect each day.
Just when we think we are Healing the process of sorrow starts all over again. We feel as if we are going backwards. But we are not going backwards. This is the nature of Grief. It can catch us off guard at any time. Being so busy can also interfere with our Grief. Sometimes we can't keep a balance here. But don't worry about this. You will soon learn that Grief will have it's day. I think God gives us our grief in small doses so we get through the pain, because the Healing is so slow it seems as if grief lasts forever. It is now 16 months for me from losing my husband. I feel grief more now than at the beginning. It could be that REAL healing is going deeper. Just like a broken bone takes time to heal so does Grief. The emotions are the most difficult area to cope with. We can take a pill for a headache. Anaesthetic for surgery. Painkillers for chronic pain. But nothing for Grief. Yet this is the one area that hurts the most. We will have triggers that will keep our grief coming back till full healing takes place and this doesn't bother us in quite the same way again. Someone once quoted Jesus' statement in the Bible. "AND IT CAME TO PASS." I hold this statement that everything in life comes to PASS. It doesn't STAY. When We look back and see how much we have endured in life and say. "HOW DID I GET THROUGH IT?" "I JUST DON'T KNOW!" God is our HEALER and TIME. You will get through this. Accept those new outburst of overwhelming grief knowing that you are still in the healing process but it will one day pass and won't hurt you so much in the same way again. Best wishes.

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