Just Like My Dad

My father died suddenly on July 1, 2012. He was working out on our farm and was crushed under a tractor wheel. A neighbor found him, called my mother and sister, and we all found out the horrible news. I was with him eating dinner the night before. It was a wonderful evening, and I am so glad I could be there for the last night of his life. I am only 24 years old, but my father was 81 years old. I know that is a long life, but he was so healthy and capable. In fact, he had just gotten so many reports back that his health was so good. One night I was kissing him good bye before my husband and I drove home, and the next morning he was gone forever. I am finding this so hard to accept. I know he could have had more years. Maybe not a lot, but he was doing so well. This just isn't fair. My mother is only 62, and I don't know how she is going to survive. He was her whole life. She has no money, and she cannot work because she has a very bad back and other health complications. Her suffering is so traumatizing to me. None of the life insurance looks like it is going to work out the way Dad thought it would. For me, I am wondering why anything should matter anymore. Why does it matter if we're all going to die anyway? I so want to believe there is an after life, and my father is safe and happy with God. When we all saw him in the hospital after his death, he truly did have a smile on his face. The same smile I saw him wear so many times as he sat with the whole family around him in his big arm chair. That gives me peace, but I still have so many doubts. Before all of this happened, I had such a passion for life. I was excited to start my new business and really start my life with my husband. Now, I cannot seem to get my mind off of the fear of losing everyone I love. I especially fear losing my husband. I also fear my own death, which never used to happen to me. Everyone always said I am just like my dad. The good and the bad. He was always so strong, and I am struggling to find that strength inside me. I wonder if I will ever be myself again.

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Jul 25, 2012
We have some things in common
by: Anonymous

I'm 24 too, and in a young marriage. My dad died suddenly at age 52 while mowing the grass. I was blindsided. That phone call is the one that crosses everyone's mind, that we dread, and at the same time we never really think it'll happen to us. We all expect our parents to live to be extremely old; to move in with us and play with the grandchildren, and annoy us to death :) It's so hard to know we'll never have that.
I also have the debilitating fear of everyone else I love dying now. My husband went out running errands in the car, and didn't answer when I tried to call. I became more and more panicked, and started envisioning everything that could've happened. My husband is the one person in this life that I feel I could never recover if I lost him young.
I'm sure like my husband, your husband understands this fear, and will try his best to not give you anything to worry about. I hope you will be surrounded with support and stability, until eventually life doesn't seem so fragile anymore. Best wishes.

Jul 13, 2012
i understand
by: trisha

Your story sounds similar too mine I am 24 years old lost my father July 4th 2012 of liver failure...I am married only a month and a half befor and very fortunate to have him walk down on that beautiful day. I miss him terribly ...though I knew of his diagnosis for years now and excepted he could go any day .I never had the chance to talk to him as he went to the hospital with liver failure and had brain damages from his liver failing and many other problems .so he could not ever talk to us again. I had to watch him die slowly and I feel it was the same as someone getting in a terrible accident suddenly and having to choose life or death for a love one.I understand where you are coming from I'm so worry about anyone else passing away and feel sick to my stomach if I was ever to lose my husband...on top of that I don't think my father thought life insurance who screw my mother over as it is doing right now.she has health problems also and its awful to think she might have to work her whole life.I just want you. To know you are not alone and I hopefor the both of us our dads are watching over us and life will make a turn for the better.

Jul 13, 2012
Just like my Dad
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for the loss of your Dad. He had a horrible death and this will affect how you grieve. this was a sudden death and is always harder to deal with because so much was unsaid and there were no good-byes. It is only natural for you to be so consumed with memories and fear of death and losing those close to you. I have gone through the same fears. This too is part of the grief. It is early days. It will take time for you to recover your strength again. You will be vulnerable now to dying and who will leave you. It is very difficult to go on in life again when we lose a loved one. Life gets interrupted and somehow we cannot get back into the game of life and pursue all the things we loved. If any of you have difficulty with grief. Try and see a grief counsellor who will be able to support you all whilst you work through your wounded feelings and hurts. Your mother is young and will be finding things especially difficult losing a husband. I lost my husband almost 9 weeks ago and this is very painfull at the moment. We just go through the motions feeling very numb. Life is going to be an uphill struggle for all of us having lost somone close and special in our lives. I hope that you all have better days ahead in your grief journey and that you will recover your strength again. Best wishes.

Jul 13, 2012
Don't worry there is eternal life!
by: Anonymous

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16 God which watch over you and in time you pain will subside.

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