Just loss my 29 year old wife

by Jose
(Connecticut)

The past week has been an absolute nightmare and I don't know how to cope. My lovely 29 year old wife and I have two wonderful little girls. A 3 1/2 year old and 4 month old. We had just purchased our first home On this past April 2013. We met at work 5 years ago. She was a nurse and I am a physician. She was the perfect woman. A strong woman of faith, a wonderful mother. A home maker. She loved to back, cook, arts and crafts. She did all the little things to show me ever single moment of the day that our daughters and I were to center of her world. for the past 4months since our baby was born we had been under alot of stress. We couldn't Imagine how much stress a second child would at add. She cared so much about me that since the day our daughter was born she let me sleep in another room and she with the baby so that I could get a good nights sleep.
On Sunday November 3, 2013 my wife told me that she put our baby to sleep and the other was playing in her room. She then told me she was going to go for a walk. Well 30 minutes later the police show up at my house to tell me that my wife was found unconscious on the side of the road. EMS was able to restart her heart and she was airlifted to the hospital. She had to have cardiopulmonary bypass and was incubated. The neurologist the did an EEG showed should poor activity in her brain. I was then told that her cat scan of the brain showed catastrophic anoxic brain injury from lack of oxygen to her brain. She remained in the ICU for one week. This past Sunday November 10th her condition decompensated and she was pronounced dead. Today I had to go to the funeral parlor with her mother and sister to making arrangements for her burial this coming Saturday. The mass will be done at the same church where we got married. My life is a nightmare and the only reason for me to go on are our to baby daughters. I don't know what to do. I find myself pacing through our house desperately waiting for her to come home. I send her cell phone a text message and keeping waiting for her to respond. I am dying inside. Everywhere I turn I look at everything she left behind. All the holiday decorations that she was beginning to put up. Picture on her camera and phone from when we took our girls trick or treating just one week ago. I cant believe she is gone. I am destroyed and feel like I am in a bowl of water and am drowning. I don't know how to go on. I want my wife back. I want to hold her and kiss her. I want to tell her I love her. She was my best friend. She was only 29 years old and I 35 with so many plan about our family and our future together.
J.S.

Comments for Just loss my 29 year old wife

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Nov 20, 2013
follow up message
by: Jose

Hi Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear about your loss. I do agree with you in feeling very alone in this. I too have a great support system but at the end of the day no one can say or do anything that will actually make me feel better (the only thing being something that only god can do and give me my wife back). The funeral for my wife was this past saturday. Our 3.5 year old has been taking it well but still is showing behavioral changes which the child psychologist that I spoke to say its there way of grieving. Everyone grieves differently but one thing that I also agree with you is that no one expects to be widowed at our age group. Like you the loss was sudden and not something expected. My wife actually suffered cardiac arrest from going into V-fib. The doctors that took care of her said that it was likely secondary to postpartum cardiopulmonary. The past 3 weeks have been a living nightmare for me. The grief comes in waves where then I just have a total melt down. Looking through cameras and videos of my baby with our kids does nothing but break my heart. How I prayed to the lord that it would have been me and not her. It breaks my heart to think that all the plans we had for the future are no more as she is gone, yet I get to live. Oh I wont even go into my thoughts on the " what if's". They are driving me insane. I usually only have one or two beers with dinner every once in a while but for the past 3 weeks have been drinking myself to sleep. Anyways ill leave it at that. If you want to chat let me know. There is also a great website/ forum that I found besides here called young widows or ywwb.
Jose

Nov 20, 2013
Mutual feelings from New Orleans
by: Anonymous

I lost my soulmate in April of this year to an acute aortic dissection. He was 39 and I was 31 going on 32. We have an almost 3 year old to be in December and would be celebrating our 4 yr anniversary in December as well. We were friends for several years before dating so our relationship goes back starting as a friendship. He was a teacher ad I am a nurse. Unfortunately for us, life must continue to carry on for our beautiful children. But the heartache, agony, anger, numbness, bitterness, and loss will never ease or go away I'm convinced after the last 6 months. The only way to get through is to admit needing help, anyone who hasn't been through t can't possibly understand. People will compare to the dumbest situations and I sit there and stare and think "just shut up". I'm in my 30's and the one person that completed me was taken so quickly without any warning and I'm left to live my entire life and raise and attempt to explain over and over again to a toddler that can't possibly grasp this concept. Maybe reading how others cope or get through situations will e the only sort of "peace" we may ever feel. Feeling your pain all the way in New Orleans....thoughts to you all!

Nov 20, 2013
Aortic dissection
by: Anonymous

I actually too lost my husband who was 39 and I am now 32 in April to an acute aortic dissection as well. We have a almost 3 yr old daughter in December. We will be married for 4 years in December as well. He was a teacher and i am a nurse. nothing anyone says can make the pain, anger, hurt, loss. I have felt completely detached from everyone even though I am lucky to have such an amazing support system, but at the same time I would trade all of that support to have my husband back. But knowing there are people out there that can relate may help even if its just to vent to someone who can maybe relate. I don't know anyone personally who had gone through this at such a young age so i have been reading blogs online in a desperate attempt to find anything!

Nov 19, 2013
So Sad
by: Jo

I felt so sad reading this, my partner of 48 years old was run over by a car a month ago so I really feel for you. I was also thinking he would walk in the door and everything would be normal again. It is was very strange time leading up to, and on the day of the funeral. It was almost as if I was outside of my own body watching myself going through a nightmare I could not wake up from. Since the funeral I have started to feel the reality of the situation and i am reading the book back to life to try and work through my grief.

Wishing you all the best for the awful times ahead. If I hope our soulmates can somehow give us the strength we need go on without them.

With love

Jo xx


Nov 13, 2013
So sorry
by: Anonymous

I am so, so sorry to read about your loss. I will keep you and your beautiful children in my prayers. I hope you can find comfort in God's love, and can find the strength to heal. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. Peace, Barb

Nov 13, 2013
loss of 29 yr old wife
by: Anonymous-MI

Jose----I am so sad for your loss. May I add to what the other good people on this site have stated? That is to keep your faith and trust in God; look to Him for help. Your sweet babies need you for their very life and God will help you to care for them and raise them up as your dear wife would want. While the going is so sad and full of sorrow God will give you strength to get through the minutes that lay ahead. He will be your guide. God bless you and your babes.

Nov 13, 2013
your agony
by: Lawrence

You are in a living nightmare and my heart breaks for you and your two lovely daughters.
The overwhelming grief you are going through is like nothing else you have experienced, it is totally devastating and the pain excruciating, so what do you do?
Well, it’s happened, there is nothing you can, take it an hour at a time, cry, cry and cry again until you feel you have no more tears left but still you must still continue to cry, its nature’s way of getting you through this horror.
Needless to say everybody on this web site has been through the agony you are going through now but I know that is no consolation, this is your own private hell and you must wonder how you are going to get through it, but you will.
The next days, weeks and months will just be a case of surviving, looking after your daughters and trying to understand what has happened, it doesn’t seem fair that your lovely wife should be snatched away from you, unfortunately life isn’t fair.
I have also been through the trauma of being told my wife is brain dead and could they stop the CPR which I tearfully agreed, I am haunted by the memory of seeing her on her deathbed and kissing her goodbye.
So you are not alone with your pain although it may seem like it.
All of us on this web site weep with you and may God give you strength to survive and continue.

Lawrence

Nov 13, 2013
broken heart
by: christine

Jose, there are no words at this time to comfort you. I to am crying for you. It was one year yesterday I lost my only child he was 38. It hurts as much now as it did when I found him. I also wait for him to come home. I do believe and God has brought me much hope and strength. We will all be praying for you and your little ones. Your wife will always be with you. Keep her close to your heart, and love her always. God will bring you peace, trust in Him and have faith. That is what gets me through each day. Take all the time you need to grieve, there is no time limit. God Bless you and your girls.

Nov 13, 2013
Just lost my 29 year old wife
by: Doreen UK

Jose I am so very sorry for your loss of your very young wife. To leave 2 young babies behind that need a mom is so very hard. Life is so very cruel. We quite normally take life for granted each day that we will live to see another day. And why shouldn't we. Life is not meant to happen this way. These initial days of loss are the worst ever. There is no way to describe how awful the pain of grief is. Knowing that a loved one is not coming back is another painful moment. To look at all our loved one's belongings still in place is even harder to deal with. Try and get support from your wife's family to cope with the sorting of clothes when the time is right. Don't try to handle too many things at once. Pace yourself. I lost my husband of 44yrs. to MESOTHELIOMA. (lung cancer caused by working with asbestos. incurable, inoperable, aggressive cancer.) I nursed him for 3yrs.39days and he died 18 months ago. I have some bad days of grief. For the first 6 months I took to the couch and NURTURED myself through my grief. The secret to coping with grief is TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME, and NURTURING Yourself. It helps a lot. So is having supportive family and friends very beneficial at this time. You have 2 very young babies and so this will be an added concern at this time as you have to juggle work and childcare. Take time to put a plan in action and get support. In time when grief gets easier focus on your needs and don't neglect them.
I know the days and months ahead are going to be very difficult. Life will never be the same again for any of us having lost a spouse. You have immense responsibilities, just don't handle everything at once. If you have to work try and take time out for yourself to grieve and Heal from your grief. You said your wife had a strong faith. This is good. I have a strong Faith in God and this is what gets me through each day. Just don't give up Hope. You will see your wife again as Jesus promised to come back to earth for all who believe in Him. This keeps me going on each day. May God comfort you and give you his Peace.

Nov 13, 2013
Sending support
by: Anonymous

I am in tears reading your post. I too just lost my husband who was 35 I am 31. I know that you may not want unwanted stories or advice from strangers. Believe me I understand that completely. So please stop reading at any time but if you feel up to it please continue to read. My husband and I just got married 7 months ago we have a 4 1/2 year old daughter who is our world. My husband died on October 18th 2013. He had an ascending aortic aneurysm. I don't believe the details of this would benefit you right now but I couldn't help but share this. My best friend bought me a book, "I wasn't ready to say Goodbye, surviving, coping, and healing after the sudden death of a loved one" by Brook Noel and Pamela Blair. At first I thought I don't have time to read right now nor do I want to but one day I decided to pick it up and I can't say yet that it is helping but it is helping focus my attention elsewhere. My sleeping patters are not normal right now and most days I wake up two hours before I have to just to grieve. I believe my faith has helped me and I know that the prayers I have received have helped me so right now I am praying for you, your wife, and your two beautiful children.

Nov 12, 2013
Your Loss
by: Judith in California

Jose, I'm so sorry for the loss of your wonderful wife and mother of your children. There are no other words I can offer for this terrible heartbreak and pain. Please keep in mind that you have those wonderful children to protect and love. You will see her in them and love them as they need. You will provide for them and make sure they know who she is.
My heart aches for your situation. Please look to God for strength and I pray for you to find peace and acceptance on the other side of this horrible grief journey. It's been 3 years for me .

Nov 12, 2013
so sorry
by: roops

Hi...its really heartbreaking to hear what you've gone through...its such a tremendous loss to you and also to your daughters who are so young. ..I cannot tell you to be strong and move on etc etc because I know how very painful it is to wake up each morning and realize that the person you love the most is not around any more. ..my experience is that the pain never really leaves you...I guess one just gets used to living with it....I wish you all the very best in looking after yourself and your daughters...am sure your a wonderful father....please take care...

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