Just lost my beloved brother on Father's Day, June 16,2013

by Deb
(Northwest Indiana)

I cant describe this gut wrenching, heartbreaking pain of the loss of our brother. My sister was visiting over the weekend and the three of us always spoke via phone 3x daily. This particular weekend he was fighting with his wife and he just seemed so down. He has been having a rough couple of years financially and in the marriage,plus he was estranged from his only son. My sister and I would always try and help him or listen to him. We loved him so much. He was a very funny guy and our kids loved Uncle Jack.

Father's day June 16,2013, my sister and I had just spoke to him again for the 3rd time that day and we told him to avoid his wife and just to out to his barn and we would call him later after she went to work.(she works midnights at a Naval hospital as a nurse).

He just kept saying to us that "she wins,she wins").

Guess she went out to the barn to tell him she was going to work and he got up and went to a cabinet and opened it and my sister in law saw the 357 gun there and she tried to stop him. He took the gun and pointed at her and said" you better get out of here because you are not going to like what I am about to do" and she ran out and she heard the bang and he shot himself in the head!

They did find a note that was written and in the note it stated:

To my family:
It's time for me to check out. Everything has gone bad in my life. I'm tired and worn out. Maybe everyone can move on now without me around.

To my sisters and brother:
I'll love you all so, so much, dont mourn, it is for the best.

My only real son:
What can I say, you should be happy now

I always love you. I thought we were a match. I guess I was wrong.

God Forgive Me

My sister and I are so heartbroken, our youngest brother is silently grieving and doesnt call.

I have my sister coming to stay with us because she lives alone and we need to be with each other.

All we do is cry and cry and cry. The note is so sad and he just never had a good life. My dad beat him as a child and my brother took his life with my dad's gun..

How can I work? It seems to get worse instead of better this gut wrenching pain. I dont feel like doing anything.


Comments for Just lost my beloved brother on Father's Day, June 16,2013

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Jan 01, 2014
Been tough
by: Deb

Can't seem to be happy, cant seem to embrace this New Year as I have always have in past years.

My husband even told me that I am not myself anymore since my brother took his life.

It has been 6.5 months and it just doesnt seem to get any better. I know Jack is in a better place and I know he is out of pain and no one else can hurt him and that sometimes gives me peace, but my sister and my brother and myself are just missing him so much and keep going over and over and over Fathers day and the phone calls we shared with him that day trying to cheer him up since he was fighting with his wife and all that she was trying to and had taken away from him. I understand Jack why, I understand because you kept saying "she wins, she wins", but I miss you and not sure what to do but try to stay busy.

Today is rough and the tears are flowing and I am not sure why and if this will ever go away, this grief.

I guess God made tears for a reason and today is going to be a very tearful day for some reason. Just glad the holiday are over, now his birthday will be her in Feb.
I do not know how people get through their grief when losing a child or multiple members of their family. I have never experieced grief let alone a suicide to my precious brother.

I have had grief counseling, helped for a while. I have joined AFSP(American Foundation of Suicide Prevention). I have read and read about suicide, but it still doesnt take away this pain. Life just seems to be dark right now, hoping and praying this will pass

Thought I would get on here and write my feelings and hope my tears will stop before the family gets up:(


Jul 04, 2013
Beloved Brother
by: Anonymous--MI

I am so sorry for your grief in the loss of your dear brother. When such a tragedy occurs such as this there are so many questions and not many answers. God knew your brother's heart and what he was feeling and dealing with. We must believe and know that God is the only judge and only He knew why your brother took his life. For you and your family remaining please look to God for strength and help each day; this is your only hope to finding some peace of mind in the days to come. God Be With You and all of we who are in sorrow.

Jul 04, 2013
Just lost my beloved brother on Father's Day, June 16, 2013
by: Doreen U.K.

Deb I am sorry for your loss of your brother Jack just over 2 weeks ago. It is such a cruel tragic death that could have been helped with support, if Jack was able to get the support he needed. It seems Jack had come to a place in his life where he gave up fighting what he thought was a never ending losing battle and he was worn out and very tired. This is what happens when someone becomes unreachable and cannot hang on anymore. It is a desperate feeling. I guess your sister-in-law was affected by how Jack felt about himself and then the cracks show up in the family. Unhappy wife, husband and son. Families become estranged and then cannot find their way back as it becomes hard work and often the emotions and mental capacity find it a heavy burden to carry. Jack was wounded by his father and was not nurtured in the way he needed to develop in the way he needed. Often counselling does help from a trained professional who allows the person to express their feelings and heal from them. Certain therapies and skills can help a person find their way back from abuse and some not. Your sister-in-law will be a victim also and need support. So many wounded people spring from a wounded child who grew into an unhappy man who took his own life because he saw no way out and thought it would be the best way for his family. You all as a family need to come together and find strength to cope with this immense loss and so help your younger brother who is finding it very hard to cope with this loss of a brother. It will take you all a long time to come back from this tragic loss, but it is not impossible. It will take a lot of time, Love and care from each of you siblings.

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