Just lost my grandmother a few hours ago
by Adam D.
(New York, NY )
the best emotion to describe how I'm feeling now is numb. I am 30 years old and lost my grandmother at 7:30pm tonight. It's now about 11 and I am just numb. She was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer back in October, 2009. Today is February 23rd, 2011. Usually people diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer have maybe 4 months to live. If you want to be depressed, just google final stages of Pancreatic Cancer, and you'll see it's something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Anyway, most people in my situation would be either crying or in a ton of pain. I on the other hand have been watching old home movies to relive the days she was well, and all was good in the world. Sigh. I just wish I knew what happened the moment of death. Does she see her parents who were taken from her decades before? Does she go straight to the stars? Does she get reincarnated? I feel so terrible for my grandfather...they were supposed to be celebrating their 60th Anniversary together in 2 weeks. I'm just devastated for him...I have no words on how he's going to be able to pick up the pieces now. I'm visiting him tomorrow in his house, which will be extremely strange since I've always known that house to have both of them. It's going to hit me soon that I will never have the chance to communicate to her or hear her voice ever, EVER again in this lifetime. Depressing.