Just lost the love of my life, my dreams and future

by Jim

A future lawyer, a smart, smart attractive girl. I had been engaged to her for a year.

For many years I had been struggling with pornography. I tried so hard to stop. It got better over the years, but never stopped. Well she found a recovery book. I had not told her about it before. She broke down and I had to drive her home to her parents. Then two days later she called and said "We need time apart." and "she needs space", which hurt me dearly as I needed her support in this time. I had to hang up as I just couldn't talk anymore, because I was hurt. Which later I learned hurt her more than the admission itself. We've met once, but she said "only as friends". We've talked on the phone only twice since it happened.

It's been over three weeks since this happened and I'm experiencing the worst pain I've ever had. Worse than the pain of my mothers death. Plus she won't answer whether or not there is a future for us, i.e. a marriage or even a relationship. I'm very left brained, and I struggle with unknowns. I don't know if I'm supposed to move on, or if I'm just supposed to stick with it.

I wake between 3:30 and 4:00am groaning in pain and never fall back asleep. I find no happiness anywhere. My work is suffering too.

Bottom line: I screwed up on a number of fronts, yes. Now I have to pick up the pieces of what's left of me, which isn't much. This really hurts.

I'm 33 years old. Our wedding date was June 25, 2011. She was the one in a million. Now all I can see is her face crying.

Comments for Just lost the love of my life, my dreams and future

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Nov 14, 2010
I'm sorry...but...
by: Anonymous

Pornography ruins relationships before they even start. I was engaged to what I thought was the man of my dreams. Shortly after our engagement he got mean and ultimately broke up with me confessing he too had a pornography addiction. Your fiancee feels hurt, betrayed and how is she to know that this wouldn't happen throughout your marriage? I think guys don't understand how much this hurts us girls.

Get help with your addiction first and tell her that you love her and are trying...prove it through your actions. You can't stop this alone...this is evident with you trying, but never having it stop. I admire you wanting to stop and having a book to try and help you get beyond this. You can get beyond it and I wish you the best with it. She deserves nothing less than that. Do it for yourself...and her. You can do it!

Nov 13, 2010
husband gone
by: Anonymous

It was my decision. After 4 years of a bad marriage I filed for divorce. I thought we could continue just not married which I have never liked or feel comfortable with. But he was so hurt and has left for his country, leaving me and my dogs alone . He left yesterday and I feel so alone and so guilty that I pushed him out, filed for the divorce against his will and he has left. The emptiness is so painful. Like when my father died 5 years ago, That pain passed and I believe this one will too. It's just that I feel mean and that I am being punished for what I did. I have separations and this is a big one. Will I ever see him again? What happens when he remarries??

Nov 12, 2010
by: Anonymous

The only thing I can say to maybe help you is, that time is a great healer. Your girlfriend is understandably hurt. She feels betrayed that you didn't share this information with her. If it's meant to be for you two to be together, it
will happen. Give her some space to work through this and I have a feeling, she'll understand.
Good luck and God bless.

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