Just sad

I was married for 18 years we have had our fair share of ups and downs he has left me once before and then once I threw him out for one night. 4 years ago his father committed suicide and he totally changed. He became depressed and worked all the time, started a business and stayed away from me and our family as much as he could. About a year ago he was told they were laying them off and he spiraled downward. He became more distant and instead of trying to fight it I let him slip out of my hands. So to speak
In feb he told me he was Ieavimg me when he found and job and I thru him out that day. He left and hadn't looked back. 3 months in he came to tell me he was seeing someone and she wanted me to know before they went out. I started looking back at phone records and found he was calling and texting her right after he was laid off. He had been having an emotional affair for a year so he said. I still don't believe they didn't sleep together before he left me. It's been 7 months and he had gotten a job in another state and is still going strong. We have 3 boys who are doing ok with his absence but 2 won't speak or look at him at all. The third is hurt over his dad but he still sees him for the most part.
I' tried to mentally prepare for the demise of my marriage and did really well until I found out he had someone new and he told me she made him happy. And I made him depressed and the way he was.
I find myself not sleeping very much and then sleeping a lot. I haven't talked to anyone but I've been approached by several married men to be there, They must be insane and there my response to them.
My heart is crushed and I feel like I'll be alone forever
I read constantly and look for ways to make myself feel better. Nothing helps.

Comments for Just sad

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Aug 26, 2014
Let's do it together.
by: Anonymous

Your story is very similar to my own and the responses were helpful to me too. Thanks to everyone for sharing thoughts. I am eight months into grieving for my marriage and my husband's betrayal of his own integrity. He lied for a year and then left. His betrayal continued with narcissistic behaviour that saw him return 4 times, only to leave again and again. The disbelief that someone I thought I knew, was sure I knew, hadn't gone temporarily crazy but is in fact, just a darker, nastier person whose inner problems from a bad upbringing, have surfaced as they had to, to become mine. I have worked hard, read all the spiritual healing sites that I can find. Developed a respect and understand for and leaned on friends and family for support and advice. I must move on and look forward with little real belief that I can find happiness, but I must try to put one foot in front of the other in the hope that what people say is true. Let's do that together because if it's true for one of us, it's true for both of us. I will survive and thrive if you will xxx

Aug 22, 2014
Just sad
by: Doreen UK

It is never easy living with marriage difficulties to the changes in life through losing a job, loved one, or self esteem. People change and when life feels difficult at home many men don't want to work at it and take themselves off somewhere and are in a vulnerable situation to attract another woman. He may be happy now but there is no guarantee that anything will last in a way one wants. Life is difficult. You just don't know what will happen. Your boys will grow up and live their own independent lives and you will also. But for now you are feeling lonely and unloved.
You can start by building yourself up. Treating yourself special each day until it becomes a way of life and you are feeling stronger.
You can go into counselling to resolve the marriage difficulties you had so you will be able to attract the right man for you and not an imitation of the man you had. We all need different things from life. But what we all need is love and RESPECT. Your EX must have done something so bad that you threw him out of the house. Not something I am in favour of.
My son married a girl he was besotted with and loved to bits He would do anything for her. Only problem she was still emotionally attached to her EX. My son felt there was 3 in the marriage. When my son objected to her seeing her EX or him going on holiday with them she would throw him out of her house. She threw him out 5 times whilst my husband was dying of cancer and we cared for him. After my husband died 2yrs. ago from his cancer my son and I had a falling out over his wife. He left. I have since heard that my son still has the same difficulties with his wife and he sleeps in his car and at work. He is now back in my life. I embraced him with love, but won't give him advice. I will offer him a place to sleep, a meal and a listening ear. He doesn't deserve what he is going through. He has the Integrity and commitment to make a marriage work. But without Her EX in the picture. Her family don't agree with what she is doing, despite their pleadings. They love my son for their family. I don't know where it will end. So much unhappiness in life. Counselling does work and it can save a relationship. But it still boils down to how committed both parties are. I hope life gets better for you in time and that you take time out for YOU and discover what it is you want out of life. Then try hard to make your dream come true.

Aug 21, 2014
Time for Change
by: Judith in California

DEar Just Sad, it never failed that the one who has done wrong and damage always blames the other person. You are not the reason he was the way he was or is. HE alone is responsible for his actions. No one makes another person the way they are. He alone chose his path and Yes, he will lie about the particulars of how his affair began. He's a narcissist.

Yes, it's sad and me telling you that most women have gone through this will not help you right now but you can make it better. You can become a strong confident woman by choosing to.

NOW, please get your self esteem up off the floor and take note. You will be responsible for your own life from now on and those boys. Make them your focus for now. Talk to them about how they feel. Let them know that their Dad will be co-parenting and that Dad has made a choice to be somewhere else. Don't get them involved with adult problems and don't tell them what a rotten person their Dad is.

Don't worry about being alone for now. Get to know who and what you are about and what you will or won't tolerate in a future relationship. When you're ready be sure to choose a good man of character and one who will treat your boys and you with respect. Go to a good bible based church and let your boys get to know God. Always keep your boys well being up front and foremost and teach them to be men of character.

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