Just When I Thought That Things Couldn't Get Any Worse!!!!

On January 16, 2011 I lost my eldest child to an unknown illness. I never thought that this was possible! I truly believed that with time, any and all illnesses could be diagnosed. How wrong I was! After more than seven months, multiple countries, multiple hospitals, multiple doctors, multiple tests and even an autopsy, we were no closer to determining what killed our healthy, 6 foot, 200 pound, muscular, athletic son. How could this be? I still can't believe that my son is gone but I know that he is! As horrible as this is, I have accepted that he is no longer with us. I might not like it but I know that this is real.

As painful as it was to lose our son, tragedy still managed to search us out and find us again. At his funeral, many of us realized that a relationship was evolving between my son's fiance and his first cousin. We didn't want to accept this so we avoided the issue. Two weeks later, his fiance announced that she would be vacationing in Florida in the near future. This didn't feel right but I rationalized to myself that we all grieve differently and this might be her way of coping with the hand that she had been dealt.

Less than three months after my son had passed away, his fiance and cousin traveled to Florida to vacation together. Their relationship had evolved far beyond a friendship. Officially, they were now a couple. Apparently, they never meant for this to happen, it just did! Although my son's fiance was now in a new relationship, she continued to wear my son's engagement and wedding rings. How could she do this? Not only had she betrayed my son with his own cousin, she also refused to give my son's rings back to us. She was disrespecting the very person who she vowed to love completely for the rest of her life. We realized that she had to get on with her life but two weeks seemed a bit quick. Did she not think that she owed my son a bit more time to grieve his loss before entering into a new relationship? At least, could she not have found a boyfriend outside of our family?

It appeared to us that our son's fiance had no problem disrespecting nor betraying him! Not only was she accepting of her new relationship but my sister and her son also shared responsibility. None of these people could see anything wrong with the relationship that had formed. According to these people, our son was "dead" and they were happy. What was wrong with this? All I can say, is that I have a problem with this! I have a BIG problem with this!

For the life of me, I cannot understand how selfish all of these people are! I cannot understand how they can live with themselves. Why can't they just break all ties with us so that we can go on with our lives? Why didn't they think before they caused us any more grief? Did we not deserve any respect during our time of grieving?

Comments for Just When I Thought That Things Couldn't Get Any Worse!!!!

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Jul 02, 2011
Just when I thought
by: Sue

I am so sorry for your loss. It must be so awful to bury a child. I have just lost my husband so know what grief is.
After reading your message I want to say that you are carrying two burdens and you must drop one of those heavy loads otherwise you will never be able to move on.
You have linked your son's death and his fiancee's behaviour together in your mind and you are focussing all your attention on this, feeling that she has disrespected him and your family. Please remember that where your son is now he feels no hatred, or betrayal, just unconditional love. Don't judge her..let it go. Grieving and bitterness sit together uneasily in a person's heart.
I am thinking of you.
Sue

Jul 01, 2011
JUST WHEN I THOUGHT.....
by: Anonymous

Life is good at throwing us a curve ball when we least expect it. Please except my deepest sympathy for the loss of your precious son.
Aren't you glad we don't have to be responsible
for what others do? It's often through forgiveness
that we start to heal. My heart goes out to you.
I hope with time things will get better for you and your family. God bless you.

Jul 01, 2011
Karma can be a real bit**.........
by: Anonymous

People can be very selfish. Out of respect for you (at least) your son's fiancee should have waited a respectable amount of time before moving on to another relationship. The fact that it is with your son's cousin is really hard to take. They should both be ashamed of themselves. Yes...they have to move on and be happy, but show some respect. Instead of being angry with your son's cousin you should probably pity him. He is obviously getting one selfish and self-centered person in his life. They will both pay in the long run. Jesus said, "Forgive them for they know not what they do." If your son's cousin isn't any more intelligent than to rush into a relationship with his cousin's fiancee two weeks after his death....they both deserve each other. This will not be a relationship based on loving care, concern, or trust. Just sit back and watch it happen. Karma is a real bit**. What goes around, comes around. Those two are both due for some rude awakenings in their lives. It will happen. God knows what he is doing. It's hard for you to sit back and watch this unfold...but these two are headed for disaster. Just live your life and cling to those beautiful memories of your son. You will see him again someday. He is watching over you and knows exactly what is going on.
Hugs and blessings to you and your family.

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