Just when it get's a little better

by Jerry Jones
(Bluff City, TN)

It's been only five months since my wife of 17 years passed on Dec. 1st. I haven't been any where nor have I done much. Trying to date or meet some one is out of the question but what really bothers me no one seems to give a dam about it all. All I've heard is hollow sympathy from people who don't even know me. Since her funeral service I've heard from no one so I am truly alone on this earth but God carry's me through each day. Some days I do small things but for the most part I can't seem to make myself get up and go. The pain is unbearable and the loneliness is a demon. So, here we go through it by ourselves because only we can. No one else can carry this awful burden but us no matter if we have family or friends there to help. The help is useless. I know one day the pain will subside into its rightful place in my mind. And life will or may have some meaning again. Until then however, the suffering is a lifestyle.

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May 09, 2012
Re: Just when it gets a little better
by: Jerry Jones

Hello again everyone. I really appreciate all of you believe me I do. I haven't made it as far as some of you and am a little ahead of some. But we all share one main ingredient in life and that's the horrific pain and suffering. True, no one really understands but God. People understand too, the ones that have been through it, but no one wants to share in it. Right now I can't find the words to express how I feel other than betrayed by friends and family and facing that great void in front of me seems like trying to find a way across an endless sea swarming with demons. So please let us all help each other because I know we can. God Bless all of you folk. Jerry.

May 01, 2012
I am in the same place
by: Michele

No one can understand what it is like to lose the one person that made you whole. I live in a country where I have no relations, no friends, nothing but an apartment where I cannot sleep in the bed we shared so I sleep on the couch. I cannot motivate myself to do anything -I think about going for a walk but my legs are heavy and everything feels like slow motion. I am angry at all the people that professed to be friends but disappeared when I really needed help and support. I am angry at the people that didn't show up for my husband's funeral and I am angry with the people that showed up (except my daughter and a few friends who have since disappeared) because I think they only showed up because of free drink.

I hope you find an answer and some peace - personally I am still searching.

Apr 29, 2012
STILL IN GRIEF
by: IRWIN

HI, MY WIFE PASSED AWAY OCT.5,2009. I BEEN IN GRIEF EVER SINCE. I KEEP MYSELF BUSY BY WRITING POEMS. SOME ABOUT MY WIFE AND OTHERS. MY CHILDREN LIVE FAR AWAY AND SOMETIMES I WOULD NOT HEAR FROM THEM FOR A WEEK EVEN THOUGH I TRY TO CALL THEM. I AM A VETERAN FROM THE KOREAN WAR. I CERTAINLY CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT EVERYONE ONE IS GOING THRU. I WISH EVERYONE PEACE IN THEIR LIFE. IRWIN

Apr 29, 2012
Just when it gets a little better
by: Mari

I am so sorry Jerry. It has to be very lonely at this point. Maybe you just need to visit someone or get yourself involved in a church. It seems that after a time everyone who was there for you just goes back to their own lives.I don't think it is so much that they don't care but usually it just happens that way. People are there for a time. My heart goes out to you and I pray that you can get yourself busy doing something besides staying at home.
I am on my third year without my husband. In fact it will be 2 1/2 yrs on May 22nt. And I am being overwhelmed by memories.It feels like it all happened recently and I sure don't know why as I was making it through.I don't even like to see mail addressed to him and I changed the phone number because people who didn't know were calling. I feel it is part of the grieving process kind of late but we were married a long time.Stay close to the Lord and try to keep yourself busy. We care for you and are here for you. Take care. Keep posting.Mari

Apr 29, 2012
Hello
by: Janet

Jerry,

I am so sorry for your loss and it does get easier. Tuesday will be six months for me since I lost my soulmate of 25 years. People who have not gone through this do not understand and really do not know what to say. The words they say may seem hollow but I think that they mean well.

We all grieve differently, in our own way and our own time. Be gentle with yourself but most of all be kind to yourself. The memories are something no one can take from us. The grief process is a slow and often times difficult one. We are having to learn a new normal because the normal we had will never be.

Come here as often as you need to vent, share stories about her or what ever makes you comfortable. One breath, one step and one day at a time is all we can do.

Apr 28, 2012
It will get better
by: Mack

Jerry,
I'm almost up to the 2nd year and so disappointed that I still miss my love so much. We loved each other very much and had the greatest love of all - that's what we always said. People that haven't gone through this grief and loneliness are uncomfortable talking about it with us so they slip away. Yes, the words from those that haven't gone through this are hollow. It doesnt mean they dont care, they just loose the words. Keep writing and glad you found this site. It is healing and will carry you forward in many ways. We are here for you and as always- take it one breath, one step, one day at a time. Take care.

Apr 27, 2012
I understand
by: jenny

Hello Jerry,

I lost my husband 3 yrs past at christmas. Things eventually settle down a bit as time passes but its a long an lonely place and takes time! Nobody would chose this unwanted journey because it really is an awful place.
I have 2 teenage girls and they have been my reason to get up and get on with it. Routine can be really good! (Do you have children?)
One other thing I would recommend is to write a journal. This was one of the best things that I did! I wrote it for 2 yrs and each evening poured out how I felt about everything and even if I had a better day. Now I look back and read each date to the day and smile as I have achieved so much and my children and I are dare I say it are fairly happy..time does heal a bit but there's no time limit.
Jerry I wish u all the very best from Northern Ireland..stay strong...

Jenny

Apr 27, 2012
The Grief Cha Cha
by: TrishJ

Jerry~
One step forward....two steps back!!
I believe we spend the first year after our spouse's passing just in survival mode. We struggle just to get through the days.
After being with the same person for so long it's difficult to even comprehend our life without them.
It's almost like having to learn to walk all over again. It's been almost 18 months for me since my husband passed and I still can't even begin to think about a relationship without another man.
It's still difficult to get myself up and going. Don't be too hard on yourself. The fact that others don't come around is because I think they feel that being a widow or widower might be contagious. They are afraid of the same thing happening to them. Most people don't understand and they fear things they can't understand. It's sad but true.
Try to make the best of each day and don't push yourself. We are all hear on this site to listen to you.
God bless.

Apr 27, 2012
HI
by: Anonymous

Hi, i understand what you mean. my dad died at 61 six months ago it only feels like yesterday. to other people it seems like ages ago but to me its still very raw. only this morning i was coming into work and the tears were streaming down my face. i too struggle to do anything and to do little things its such an effort. all i can say to you is take one day at a time. my life changed the day my dad died.it will never be the same again. look after yourself

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