by Karen Belding
Well, I don't know what stage of grief I am in. Maybe none yet. My Mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor in early December. They did surgery on December 13. The type of tumor was a gliobalastoma multiform. Stage 4. They took out a tennis ball sixe mass but could not get it all. She is 72 years old and this is her third cancer. She had 2 melanomas that she survived and now this. We lost my step father to Alzheimer's in 2010 and my sister to MS in 2011. I'm pissed, I have never been this mad. I am mad about everything. I have had to move in with my mom so she can stay home as long as possible. Hospice was called in and we are looking at about 3 months they say. She is amazing as always. Happy, singing, making jokes. She has always been that way. I want to make the rest of her time the best it can be but my anger is spilling over into everything. I have taken a leave from my job, I can't sleep with my husband, I miss my cats. Even as I am writing this it makes me sick. It,s all me and my and sounds like a pity party. I should be thinking about my Mom not myself. I have family members I have a hard time looking at because they did not help my Mom when my step Father (their father) was suffering from Alzheimer's. My Mom was the sole caregiver and kept him at home while going 3 times a week to the nursing home where my sister was. I lived 2 hours away but I was the only help she had. Later I had to move her closer to me again no help, all on us. Yest they come around every once in a while now and act like they are just so into family. It makes me crazy. After this is over and I bury my Mom and my best friend they will be there with their hands out wanting to grieve together. Don't even get me started on anything religion based that really fuels my anger. Maybe I am going crazy.