Karen matthews

by Karen matthews
(shildon, co. Durham, u.k.)

My mum died in April 2014 she was 93 and had dementia. She was handicapped due to arthritis had a permenant brokenharm I looked after her for over 15 years but since her 90th birthday she just deteriorated gradually wasn't very mobile without help started seeing things, saying strange things. I did everything for her. Got her washed and dressed. Made all her meals saw To her medication. She loved having her shower had a croft sherry every night. She wanted to die in her own home, but I feel so very guilty because i couldn't manage on my own. It was as 24 hour job seeing to her and she had to go in a home. She was only there for about a week until she died. I wished I had kept her in her own home. I miss her so very very much. I thought I was doing well I've been away for a week, and now I feel worse Than ever, crying, wandering around like a lost soul I don't like going out in case I start crying again then this morning the phone went and a woman asked to speak to Nellie Matthews, I couldn't believe it, I've done nothing but cry since. And I don't know what to do, wish someone would help me.

Comments for Karen matthews

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Sep 08, 2014
I Know How You Feel
by: Marty

I Lost My Mom On January 20 2014 She Had A Bad Liver & She Broke Her Hip A Week Before When Slipping In The Shower. It Feels Like I Haven't Seen Her In Years & It Hurts Me Cause I Wasn't By Her Side & Did Not Answer Her When She Called Me A Few Hours Before She Passed Away . . . RIP Mom.

Aug 30, 2014
I know how you feel
by: Janine

I too lost my Mom in April 2014. Different illness . However, I totally understand how you feel. I sat in Costa Coffee Shop today with never ending tears rolling down my face because she should have been sitting opposite me with her usual latte. I feel totally heartbroken.

Aug 22, 2014
Karen matthews
by: Doreen UK

Karen if you haven't faced grief before it can feel overwhelming. Guilt and many emotions rush in and are an aspect of grief. They don't last. You firstly have to accept the fact that your mother lived to a good age. A Blessing. Next you have to not feel like not going out in case you cry. So What! I cried in the Bank, the supermarket, in the bus, down the road. Anywhere. Grief happens and we could be in a public place. No shame in this. Crying is good grief so don't stop, because one can't make themselves cry. It is spontaneous.
Caring for someone who is ill is a tough job. I cared for my husband with cancer for 3yrs.39days. before he died. It was hard. During my caring for my husband my younger sister took charge of caring for our father with Dementia. She pushed my other sister out of the way and she took Power of Attorney. She did a good job of caring for our father with her husband. After 1 1/2 yrs. she had enough and faced burn out and put our father in a home. He is 93yrs. She said she only took our Dad in thinking he would not live beyond the time she cared for him. My father hates being in the home and very unhappy even though it is a good care home in the U.K. My sister never gave me the chance to look after our father when my husband died. She said that his dementia was too severe. A lie. I was nieve and gullible. My other sister knew the truth I was blind to. This younger sister took all our father's money and did 5 siblings out of their inheritance. WE just walked away. But our Dad is far away and we can't see him. He will die in this home, but we can't change a thing.
You did what you thought what was best for you without support. Don't feel guilty, but applaud yourself for doing so well for 15yrs. Your mother is not here now to worry or care or feel sad. You have earned your right to enjoy the rest of your life. Don't waste any more time with guilt. Live your life well and make it the most pleasurable experience because life is hard, tough, and harsh. WE owe it to ourselves to put good things in our life and our days on this earth.

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