Kathy

by Kathy
(NJ)

Yesterday my best friend died. The tears are flowing so hard right now that I can't really see the keyboard to type this. Her name was Robyn and she was my best friend for over 25 years. She was only 41 and died from complications from diabetes. She meant everything to me. I could tell her anything. Sometimes we would talk into the wee hours of the night if one of us couldn't sleep or if one of us was having an anxiety attack. :) She was a great listener and although she didn't finish high school she was the smartest person I know. Her advice was always sound and caring. (and I am a social worker). My life and her life were always filled with stress. I worked at the hospital for 15 years and with cut backs they layed off the Social Workers. She was home with a mean angry husband who didn't appreciate her. I met Rob thru her brother who I was dating at the time. That didn't work out but our friendship had been sealed. Her laughter was contagious and so was her cheer. She was a rebel at times and that caused her parents some concern. I was very close to her parents. When I got married I got dressed at her house. Her Mom was like a Mom to me her Dad like a Dad to me. My own Mom didn't have time. Told me she couldn't help me find a wedding dress because she was so busy. When I was young my Dad came to me and told me my mom had issues with my Dad and me.My mom had made it clear to him there was not going to be any "Daddies little girl" in her family. I only had my Dad. He told me he had to choose my Mom. Then he basically forgot me.I felt sad and lonely and that's when I started having anxiety attacks. He told me one day I would understand. I never have. My parents moved away about 15 years ago. Then came Robyn's family and they loved me. Her Mom and Dad had enough love for her own 4 kids and me.

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Aug 18, 2012
Kathy
by: Doreen U.K.

Kathy I am sorry for your loss of your best friend Robyn. You had such a beautiful relationship that some only dream of. this will make you feel deep grief more. Keep a Robyn Journal and keep writing in this, tell Robyn how her death is affecting you. How you feel so empty and lonely without her. Tell Roby in your journal all you want and need, write her letters. This will help you greatly in your grief. If you need to. See a grief counsellor to help you work through your loss. I am sorry for your loss of relationship with your own parents. They must have done something right because you have turned out to be a very Loving and Caring person. I suspect your mother and father really Love you but somehow don't know how to show it. they are probably victims of their own upbringing and can't see they are doing anything wrong. My parents were very caring but we couldn't bond. I now have this difficulty with my childen. I wouldn't know how to rectify this. I do feel sad that your mother was too busy to go with you to get a wedding dress. She missed out big time on a special moment with you her daughter. A moment she will never get back. I guess your father is trying to please your mother, and because she doesn't want NO DADDY'S GIRL. You have been neglected by Him not intentionally. Your mother's hang up on not having a daddy's girl in her life will mean that she experienced this difficulty with her own parents that has affected her life and yours, seriously, and any siblings you have. The sad fact is that what is not CONFRONTED will never change so things very well may continue like this forever.

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