On 5/1/2012 my father-in-law was given a terminal pancreatic cancer diagnosis. He is wheelchair bound due to an amputation and quickly grew very weak, and was admitted to the hospital shortly after his diagnosis, and then discharge to a skilled rehab center. Then while stressing about his sudden and fast decline and frantically trying to get our home in order to allow him to come live his final days, my husband grandmother passes. My husband step mom then gets into a car accident and breaks her tibia and needs surgery. So now we are frantically trying to figure out how they can remain together since she has 6-8 weeks of healing and we did not think Dad had 6-8 weeks of life. During this time we also had to attend the Grandmothers funeral and spend time with out of state family. 2 days after my husband Grandma's service his Dad has a home visit with his therapist and gets to use the wheelchair ramp his son built him with so much love. The following day his kidneys start to shut down, and he decides to do no heroics and stays at the skilled home to live his last few days. He passed on 6/3. The only silver lining in all of this is his wife was at the same rehab facility and she was able to with him his last few days, and his suffering is over. We had his service on 6/13, and my hubby and are feeling good, like maybe our life can get back to normal and we let the dress and suit have worn to both services get dusty. We arrive at my father-in-laws funeral service feeling sad but good. The funeral director pulls us a way for a message I need to call my Mother, who is supposed to be coming to the service with my Father. The call was because my own Father had now died very unexpectedly, most likely due to his heart. Tomorrow is my Dad's service and I really hope after this we can let some dust settle on the suit and dress, we need a break. However today is Fathers Day and my husband and I are not doing well. I am disappointed in how he handled my needs over the last fews days. I know he is going through a hard time as well. We,for the first time, during all of this got in a fight today and are currently not speaking to each other. I know we will be fine, but it is tough when your best friend is not able to support you because of their own loss. I feel sad and will miss my Dad very much but also feel like I need to be a supportive wife to a man who has become with drawn and quiet with his own thoughts. We process things so differently and he is quiet and I am out loud and need to talk and cry. This is very hard........

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Jun 18, 2012
by: Doreen England U.K.

I am sorry for all the loss of your family members and how you are having one grief on top of another with no break to draw breath and process what is happening.
This is hard on you. When a death occurs it can rock the family and some members feel neglected at not having their needs met and often this is not anyone's fault. It is part of the experience and grief that each person percieves and handles differently.
We all have different needs. Often one can feel angry when they are misunderstood or not understood at all and often grief interferes with this. This is also a time when dysfunction can set in and start the whole process where people shut down and don't talk or arguements take place and people can fall out and never speak to each other ever again or ever for years. I don't know why it happens but it does and we all get caught up in it after a death. Often there is too much to sort out and people walk away from our lives sad to say this happens also. I hope that you can resolve the issues that have caused the NOT TALKING syndrome and that you can all move forward in time in your own way and grow from this. Sometimes positive things can spring from bereavement. But if it does happen. Let me know.
Best wishes.

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