keep hoping you'll come back

by Cynthia
(bellingham, WA)

I think i may be delusional.It will be six years Sept.11, 2014. I have spent most of the last six years struggling with how to get through every day, sometimes making it and sometimes not. He was only 36, he was riding his motorcycle and smashed into a rock dying instantly, they tell me. There was blood, gas, oil, a missing boot, a crashed motorcycle helmet with his skin and blood and hair in it. It was everywhere. The local paper even ran a false article that he had been decapitated. I have horrible flash backs to the accident site all the time, almost daily even after 6 years. I have such a depth of sadness and melancholy that I can't seem to find any moments of joy. Most days i just want to go to bed by the afternoon because i can not live with what goes on in my head. I do not feel any healing.

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Aug 29, 2014
tried to move on but can't
by: Doreen UK

Dear Gerry's girl,
Death by Suicide is an area that almost always needs the intervention of a grief counsellor. Most people cannot heal by themselves. My nephew at age 30yrs. threw himself in front of an express train 9yrs. ago and My sister could not function at all. A grief counsellor had to go to her home to pick up the pieces of a crushed life when she couldn't go on. The coroners report was so horrific she couldn't share this information with anyone. She has recovered from grief in a few short years. But she will suffer periodically for the rest of her life. She is able to move forward and she can cope with life now.
Often we are stuck in grief, or numb, or in denial and unable to move forward. A skilled counsellor can unblock the pathways that block grief from flowing. You won't be able to cope with life if you are in denial. I have been in this place. I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 2yrs. ago. I still feel sadness at losing him. I am sorry for your loss.

Aug 26, 2014
tried to move on but cant
by: gerrys girl

My husband of 22 yrs died by suicide 10 yrs ago and I cannot move on as ive tried but im still in love
with my dead husband and want him back and just cry constantly and want him back an cannot develop relations with others

Aug 23, 2014
You are not delusional.
by: Barbie

Cynthia your words touched me and I could almost feel your pain. You don't mention who the person was that you lost so brutally, and tragically, but it really doesn't matter, the pain you are going through every day is almost too much for you to bear. Have you been to see your doctor, perhaps you could take some medication to help with the flash backs. After I lost my mum, also 6 years ago, but under much different circumstances, I had to take anti depressants for a while to help me cope with every day life and the anxiety states I was experiencing. They didn't take the grief and pain away, but took the edge off it, so I could function normally. Do you have close friends or family you can discuss your flash backs and thoughts with? If not, perhaps your doctor could recommend a grief councillor to help. I felt I was losing my mind after my mum went, but my lovely doctor explained I was suffering from acute anxiety which was normal, and I just needed a bit of help to deal with it. I hope this has helped. Take care x

Aug 22, 2014
Sympathy and advise
by: Lawrence

Dear Cynthia,
What a terrible story, how on earth do you get over something like that?
I do hope you have seen a grief counselor because you definitely need a little help to get you through this nightmare.
You have joined a web site of people who, like yourself have lost someone so very precious and we all are suffering the empty overwhelming grief and sadness that you feel.
Six years is a long time to mourn and you are a very young woman, so please, please please, pick yourself up and take the first few faltering steps to normality, it’s what your husband would want, I know..
I lost a wonderful wife on Christmas Day 2012, she died in an instant, one minute talking the next dying and I closed her eyes, kissed her goodbye and thanked her for a wonderful seventy years of happiness and walked away from the only girl I had ever loved.
It’s hard, very hard being alone and truthfully I didn’t want to spend my few remaining years without her.
Reading this web site “THE DEATH OF A SPOUSE” made me realize that I had to go on and I now live a frantic life filling in the days with many activities like learning to play bridge, writing novels and having violin lessons, climbing mountains and running marathons (not really the last two after all I am 85 years old) but may I advise you to get out of the house, force yourself if necessary but don’t stay in the house and grieve, it will still be there when you return in the evening., do anything, join a club. Learn to play an instrument, help at a local hospice, anything at all, but GET OUT OF THE HOUSE
Needless to say I am still heartbroken and miss her incredibly but as the months pass the pain gets that little bit less and I don’t cry so easily.
So, Cynthia, it’s time to join the world again, everybody on this web site is praying for you in all our different religions, so make this the first day of the rest of your life.
With deepest sympathy.

Aug 22, 2014
keep hoping you'll come back
by: Doreen UK

Cynthia you are not delusional. Just stuck in Raw grief that you are unable to move forward. You will not get your life back till you work with a skilled counsellor to help you through the pain in your mind and all the flashbacks of such a terrible tragedy.
It is quite understandable that you would want to go to bed and sleep so you would not have to remember this terrible tragedy which still haunts you. You need support and a lot of good grief care to recover since 6yrs. have passed and nothing has changed in your world to help you move forward. There is no shame in needing help. We all need someone to lean on. For me it is God who is my comforter and strength to get through each day. Losing our loved one's is the very worst thing that could ever happen to us. It hurts so much. I am sorry for your loss.

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