Kindred Soul

On January 12, 2013, I sat on a plane and started my journey to Switzerland where my only brother, Madi was hospitalized. After arriving at Basel airport, I straight went to the hospital and didn't leave his sight until three days later when he squeezed my hand for the very last time and went to a place that I always will wonder where that place is. My brother fought Leukemia for two and a half years and went through many chemo-therapies, radiation, and two stem cell transplants. He eventually passed away from Graft Versus Host Disease(GVHD)which is a common side effect/complication of a stem cell transplant. However,he was in stage 4 of GVHD and pretty much no chance of survival. He left and took a chunk of my heart with him. Loosing a sibling is one of the most traumatic events in someone's life. I truly loved and adored my brother and miss him so very much. Besides being a brother, he was my best friend, backbone,and protector. We talked several times a day over the phone and I always admired his attitude toward life and his situation. He never stopped laughing and telling jokes. Since we were very close, I always dreamed of him and was warned in my dreams about things that would happen to him in the future. A few weeks before he passed, I dreamed of us being in a strange yet magical place surrounded by mountains. At the bottom of the mountains, there was a pond with crystal clear water and oversize black gold fish. Those fish almost looked like dolphins, and I also remember that there were other types of fish which can be found only as small size aquarium fish. But, those fish were also larger than usual their size. I saw us sitting top of the mountain in a spot that looked almost like a bird nest. My brother was holding on to me and looked so scared. As the mountains started shaking, I held his hand and kept telling him that everything was ok. I then woke up and knew that something bad was about to happen. When I saw him at the hospital, I knew that he was not going to make it. I stayed by his side the whole time and held his hand. A day before he passed, he had an epilepsy and I held his hand and told him that I was there and everything would be fine. He squeezed my hand and place it over his heart and squeezed again even harder and pulled me over him. Then he went into a comma and passed the next morning. I feel there is a hole inside my heart that can never be filled with anything. I feel scarred, sad, and confused. After reading other people's stories, I know that I'm not alone out there and there are people who actually understand what I'm going through.

I will always love you Madi!

Comments for Kindred Soul

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Feb 05, 2013
I know the pain
by: Sheri Bullion Enfield

Always know that you were lucky enough to be there for him in the end. I did not get that chance and regret that every day. He will always be with you in your heart and when you ask he will be there to hold you up when you need him to. You never expect to have to face life without the person who was supposed to grow old with you. Your brother sound as wonderful as mine was. Just know that your words help others to deal with there pain sometimes that is the best way to heal the pain. Hang in there always smile when you think of him.

Feb 03, 2013
My heart goes out to you, Doreen
by: Anonymous

Dearest Doreen,

Thank you for your comment and know that my heart goes out to you. I can't even think how difficult it is for you to lose your other significant half. You long for him every second. Even at the moments that you feel some happiness, there is still a gap in your heart. My husband is in the military and currently deployed. I do know the feeling of loneliness. It's a tough life and we all have to try to make the best out if everyday. Being forced to continue without the ones who we love makes it even harder.

You will be in my thoughts.

Feb 03, 2013
Kindred Soul
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your precious brother. I have 5 siblings I am one of 6 and I would be feeling just like you if I lost even one of them. In fact since I lost my husband of 44yrs marriage to a deadly cancer 10 months ago I feel very vulnerable to losing other members from my family. But a sibling is as special as a child and when a parent loses a child their world has literally ended. There is NO PAIN like Grief pain I am broken hearted since I lost my beloved husband and life will never be the same again. I sat crying at 2.40a.m. this morning British time over the loss of my beloved husband and now his sister who is so ill she may have either cancer or Tuberculosis. Life is so very FRAGILE to all of us as we live in difficult times. I was brought up with strong beliefs of an afterlife so I feel more comforted than those who just don't know. I believe that the body goes back to the earth from whence it came when God created man. The Spirit which is the Breath with character, and personality all go back to God ready to be resurrected when Jesus comes back to earth for us. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour when I was 13yrs. of age and I have never stopped believing in the Second Coming of Jesus Christ to this earth to claim those who have accepted him and this is the Promise God gave to his children on the earth written in the Bible. Now this is something to Live and Hope for otherwise we all might as well live how we want and die when we feel like it because there would be no point to living on in a world that is getting worse it is hard to live in it with crime everywhere. More murders, killings and such like that fill us with sorrow. To lose a loved one is the worst that we can bear in sorrow. But there is Healing but this takes time. If you struggle to move forward try and see a grief counsellor who will help you with your grief till you are in a more comfortable place in life. But what you are feeling is all the initial stages of grief we all feel with you. May God Comfort you in your loss and Grief.

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