On January 12, 2013, I sat on a plane and started my journey to Switzerland where my only brother, Madi was hospitalized. After arriving at Basel airport, I straight went to the hospital and didn't leave his sight until three days later when he squeezed my hand for the very last time and went to a place that I always will wonder where that place is. My brother fought Leukemia for two and a half years and went through many chemo-therapies, radiation, and two stem cell transplants. He eventually passed away from Graft Versus Host Disease(GVHD)which is a common side effect/complication of a stem cell transplant. However,he was in stage 4 of GVHD and pretty much no chance of survival. He left and took a chunk of my heart with him. Loosing a sibling is one of the most traumatic events in someone's life. I truly loved and adored my brother and miss him so very much. Besides being a brother, he was my best friend, backbone,and protector. We talked several times a day over the phone and I always admired his attitude toward life and his situation. He never stopped laughing and telling jokes. Since we were very close, I always dreamed of him and was warned in my dreams about things that would happen to him in the future. A few weeks before he passed, I dreamed of us being in a strange yet magical place surrounded by mountains. At the bottom of the mountains, there was a pond with crystal clear water and oversize black gold fish. Those fish almost looked like dolphins, and I also remember that there were other types of fish which can be found only as small size aquarium fish. But, those fish were also larger than usual their size. I saw us sitting top of the mountain in a spot that looked almost like a bird nest. My brother was holding on to me and looked so scared. As the mountains started shaking, I held his hand and kept telling him that everything was ok. I then woke up and knew that something bad was about to happen. When I saw him at the hospital, I knew that he was not going to make it. I stayed by his side the whole time and held his hand. A day before he passed, he had an epilepsy and I held his hand and told him that I was there and everything would be fine. He squeezed my hand and place it over his heart and squeezed again even harder and pulled me over him. Then he went into a comma and passed the next morning. I feel there is a hole inside my heart that can never be filled with anything. I feel scarred, sad, and confused. After reading other people's stories, I know that I'm not alone out there and there are people who actually understand what I'm going through.
I will always love you Madi!