by bonnie kaufman
I read genevive's post about the death of her son. I let her know what had happened to our daughter Kristina. who admitted to hospital the same day as her son passed,and for 23 days she fought a valiant battle. she had a I guess it could be called a cooking accident. she spilled boiling water on herself and had 3rd degree burns on 10% of her body.
Kristina was diagnosed in 2000 with autoimmune hepatitis which led to stage 4 liver disease. she had been on the transplant for almost 2 years. during the time she was being treated she had numerous other health issues all related to her comprised immune system, among them was she had severely low clotting time and blood counts would drop to severe. then she would have to have transfusions.
Kris, as we called her had been in and out of the hospital over the years so many times but was always able to recover. this time however it was not meant to be. she developed infections in her burns and skin grafting would have to done. but because of her clotting time the surgeon told us that she would only have an 80% chance of surviving the surgery. and a 75% rate of dying from infection if no surgery was done. so they treated the burns and kept giving her transfusions with hope that her blood count stay high enough to do the grafts.
that did not happen. her kidneys started to fail ARDs set in and she developed internal bleeding that could not be stopped or located. as fast as she was receiving blood she was bleeding it out. then her liver failed along with her kidneys. her dad and I gave the doctors the authority to remove her from life support. she passed away the day after our 50th wedding anniversary.
we miss her so much. I feel that this tragedy would not have happened if she had not been so stubborn and independent. she was 45. she lived by herself and refused to move back home until she had a transplant. she would say she was an adult and should not have to live with her parents, even though her doctors told her that she should not live alone.
my husband and I took care of her final arrangements. we packed up her apartment by ourselves and dealt and with her landlord pushing to move her belongings out because he had already rented the apartment. as soon as we told him she had died he put out a for rent sign.
Kris only asked that she be cremated. she did not asked for a funeral service of any kind. the only thing she requested is that we take care of her dog and her personal belongings. her dog is with us along with most of her things. since she had made any special request other than being cremated, she also is with us.
now well meaning people are telling us that we will not have closure because of no funeral or memorial service. she had lost contact with the majority of her friends and what is left of both our families are not close. we have a younger daughter who lives over 500 miles from us and twice drove here in a blizzard. she feels the same way we do. we did what Kris wanted. are we wrong by not having a service?