Kyle Brandon

by Bill furey
(New jersey)

I came home from work the other night my 26 year was face down in his bed I had test h 2 hours before and he answered me. He had been going through a bad patch of life and was on a clean path but these evil drugs that destroy more than help took away from our family our son . He was the family rock the finest person a parent would praise except for the problem which we worked with him on but it was just not enough. I tried to bring him back to life but it didn't work and I tried for 5 minutes till the police came. I just don't know this is so hard I think it is a bad dream unreal feeling. In feel like I should have been there to protect him just don't know how to go on with life but I know I must I have 3 other children 2 grandchildren and I must be strong for them. But my hurts so bad what did I do wrong?

Comments for Kyle Brandon

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Jun 16, 2014
your son
by: maryjo

I am reading through the posts here this morning because I am so low today I feel so sorry for your loss, our son was an addict too. How does this happen? I don't think I did anything wrong and I doubt you did either. Our adult children are free to make choices and some of them are bad, wrong and deadly. I do not believe though that they intentionally want to hurt us, if they could have known where they were headed and what their loss would do to their families, I think they might have quit the drugs. They did not want to hurt us, they were only thinking of the drug and what ever pleasure it brings.

God Bless you

May 24, 2014
When God has let us down.
by: Doreen UK

La Donna I am sorry for your loss of your son and for the immense burdens you carry.
I prayed for Healing for my husband from cancer and waited and waited patiently and then he died. I was so angry with God, but didn't want to be. I felt let down. Felt I didn't pray the right prayers. I learned you can ask God for anything and He will hear you. Well He didn't. I have grown to accept this.
I also lost a nephew of 30yrs. 9yrs. ago when he threw himself in front of an express train. His world was too painful and he couldn't stay in it anymore. My sister couldn't understand how God rescued me often from wanting to end my life but her son lost his life. I can't understand why God took my husband from me and left me in such pain. But I have to accept God's ways when I can't understand them. God is all I have ever had, and still have in my life. He is the burden bearer, the Comforter and He is our Creator and so must know how bad grief feels like. Your son, and my husband and nephew belonged to God before they belonged to us. So I guess God felt the pain too when they died. I see God now from a different perspective and hold on to the HOPE of seeing my loved one's again. God can absorb our anger against HIM because God is PURE LOVE and can't see things the way we see them. He is BIGGER than it all. Don't ever give up HOPE!!!. God is all we have. and GOD IS ALL WE WILL EVER NEED. How else are we going to get through this hard life. May God be with you always and help you find your way back from your pain and grief and loss of a precious son.

May 23, 2014
I know your Pain.
by: Levin Nick's Mom La Donna Nick

I am so sorry about your Baby Boy. I lost my Son, my Baby Boy when he was 19 years old. Blonde hair, green eyes, tan, and buff. He loved to work out. He was the one who lite up the room when he walked in. Football player in High School. Very popular. everyone loves Levin Royce Nick. I tucked him in bed that night, we had a fight but had made up, I was to wake him for work in the morning. I went to bed, heard him get back up, but I feel asleep. I went in his room the next morning and he was dead. Laying there in his bed. He overdosed. That was 11-4-11. The inhuman screams rang throughout our home. I still can't breath. I hide behind my work. I went back to work4 weeks later and have worked six days a week since. My heart is so broken and I see him everywhere. The only reason I am alive is because I am raising a six, nine, and twenty year old by myself. I am fifty years old going on eighty seven. My 20 year old daughter works two jobs and goes to college full-time. I keep the little girls busy in after school activities and in camps this summer. Levin was a huge part of all of our lives. Us girls cry together and we cry alone. I don't know how one keeps going, God was my closet friend, our relationship was solid, I trusted God with my children. This is the ultimate betrayal. I fight with God all the time, it is a constant battle in my head and heart. My heart will always be broken, I will never accept this, there will never be peace again. The girls and my motto are "you got to keep on keeping on". I will stay here as long as they need me and when my work is done, and they are able to take care of themselves, my heart will not hurt anymore. That is my plan. I am so sorry for you. You will never be the same, you will be a different person, changed in some ways for the good, broken in others for the worse. The order and balance of life has been shattered, but this is the time to now only think of others in your life, who depend on you or to help anyone who needs help, do what you can and give what is left. Talk with God, maybe he will answer you. He answers me, I just don't get it and I suspect I never will. I just can't wait to get face to face with God. I am a servant now. God's Servant.
Scream, throw things, run, swim, stay in bed for 48 hours, do it your way, this is your Son. Honor him, he loves you, nothing is your fault, a new path has been carved and he is with you in spirit.
Know this: you are not alone. Love. Levin's Momma

May 16, 2014
for kyle
by: Jolynn

I am sorry for your loss. I too lost my son to an accidental overdose of Heroin. His addiction was born swiftly and from the time he first got hooked on oxycontin then switched to Heroin because the pills were too expensive, until he died was only 8 months. He was only 26yrs old. He was accomplished, funny, sensitive, patriotic. He was an officer in the Marines training to become a fighter pilot. He had his pilots license but somehow got derailed by the drugs. It totally shocked us to learn about his illness as he was the last person I ever thought would turn to drugs. He had everything, a loving supportive family, a brilliant future, we had sent him to Europe twice, he was outgoing and had many, many devoted friends. He had it all. Now he's gone and for what? It is so terribly sad for all of us. I told you a little bit about Tyler as it points out that drugs can take anyone down and swiftly no matter what their life experiences are.

Apr 28, 2014
This made me cry
by: Anonymous

I feel for you. I too lost my son just over a year ago. I don't think it's kind for people to offer that they understand they don't. By comparison we have all lost someone we love but it's harder to loose someone to drug overdose as it leaves you with endless unanswered questions. You will question yourself remember to be honest to yourself when that happens. That will help combat negativity. Just know that this journey has just begun. It will hurt a lot. Be kind to yourself all of you in the family. Love each other everyday. Life will never be the same again and you have to adjust to that and come to terms with it. I don't believe time heals this one. However time is kind especially when you have to adjust. I have lost a grandmother best friend from school close friends you grieve a loss then you are ok. This loss is not the same. You must give yourself permission to just be however you need to to get through this.

Apr 25, 2014
by: Anonymous

I think it's very brave of you to open yourself to us. You are not alone and each day remembering that family, friends, and others can help us more each day. I find it helpful each morning to spend a few moments with my eyes closed following my inhales and exhales and counting my blessings. I have found that incorporating this routine of meditation has helped bring a sense of balance, peace, and calmness to my every day. As painful as the situation is, it is also very important to keep you own health in check. I would also recommend reading books that help support these methods as well as social groups that support parents and families that are grieving a lose. Support is the greatest source of strength and self recovery. Know that every day is a new day and baby steps always help to heal. You are in my prayers.

Apr 25, 2014
by: Janice Astarita

I can honestly say that I can't imagine how you and your family are feeling...I lost both parents last year and I just fell apart. I had so much guilt because I felt I didn't do enough for them in their final days. As we age, we expect to lose our parents, but never a child. Our children are suppose to outlive us. I got to spend the day with you and your family and was so impressed by the love and devotion you all had for each other.
I will never forget how you helped me when I moved to 2 Broadway and it has been a pleasure working with Melissa. I hope someday you and your family can find the peace your deserve.

Apr 24, 2014
Kyle dad
by: Bill

So we buried him today and without all the loving support of my family kyle*s friends and my work family along with my wife's work family we would not be in the right state of mind. We love you . The writings here bring major comfort thank you

Apr 24, 2014
Kyle Brandon
by: Vinny M.

Bill, I know, deep in your heart, you know you did NOTHING wrong. Although we would like to, we cannot shield our children from all the world's ill's. You and Lori and your family were there for Kyle as much as you could be because you both are great parents and you raised great children. Unfortunately, when we experience great tragedy it's human nature for us to question everything...including ourselves. We want to make some sense of it all... and we can't. What you can do is lean on your faith, your family, and realize the gift you have in your grand children. As a previous writer on this blog said, I think God had his own plans for Kyle. When I lost my sister what kept me going was knowing that she was in a far better place than me. I know my words will not take away the pain but I have a feeling Kyle will find a way to let you know he is alright. My prayers are with you and Lori and the kids. Please don't hesitate to call me if you need anything...anything.

Apr 23, 2014
Life is so unfair
by: Robin Ayres

Bill, please know we all love you and are here for you and your family. Please be strong even though some of us know what a softie you are. Love, Robin

Apr 22, 2014
by: Sal Romano (Bear Stearns)

I would like to offer my condolences to you and your family.

Apr 21, 2014
Kyle Brandon
by: Anonymous

You don't know me but my daughter went to college with your son. She told me what a friendly, nice and funny kid he was in school. You did something right. It is so normal to question everything right now. You stood by your son in a world where parents are too busy to care. I see it everyday. We are all flawed human beings and we try the best we can to do right by our children. We are not their "keepers", and at some point trials and tribulations will come and block their path. There is no justification for who makes it down that path, and who doesn't. I truly believe that God needed your son for a special reason. There are no words that will take your pain away. You have lost a part of yourself, and a very important part of your family. Life will never be the same, but you have taken the first step in the healing process. For now, you must put one foot in front of the other, no matter how you feel. It will get better, but it never goes away. Be patient with yourself. There will be days where you wake up and think it was all a bad dream, then you realize it is real. Cry. Mourn. Take the words and hugs of others. It is not easy for others, when there are no words to say. Take refuge in the Love of God, and know that your son sits with Him today! May God bless your broken heart and heal you through this heartache. Sue

Apr 21, 2014
Your son
by: Kate

I lost my son too,grief brings pain hurt sorrow guilt anger all kinds of emotions, just know others know how hard this is and you will somehow make it,day by slow hard day. My heart is with you.

Apr 21, 2014
your son
by: Anonymous

Addiction is a hard road. There is no easy way out. So many die from the disease. Its a progressive disease, and as much as we want to save them, it can impossible. Don't beat yourself up, although I know, because I too lost my son, age 31 one year ago tomorrow. Its agony losing them, especially to this disease. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

Apr 21, 2014
like you
by: Joe's mom

Your loss is much fresher, I lost my son July 8, 2013...I am missing him today like that first day. Fresh pain and longing for a different outcome...but like you, I must find a way to keep living in a world that is just incomplete without the loving son we each lost. There are times when others' words or a song or poem can touch you and for just a moment, the pain recedes, so the hope is, though my life will never feel complete or the same without my son in it, I might just be ok one day, maybe find a way to laugh again eventually, maybe even remember my son without the sobs and longing...I wish this for you as well, but as we walk this road of grief, take it slowly and handle only as much as you can, because we could not have done more or made decisions not ours to make, we must just live now for both of us. My son had an infectious grin and I hope soon to be able to brighten other peoples' day with mine, but for now, I just try to be ok and wish peace for you also. This site is sometimes good for me, though I rarely write, I read as it makes me know someone out there has the same feelings and travels a path none of us wish to be on. My son's bday would have been Saturday, so I am having a little setback in my healing, but I will make it and take your time, you can do it to. Hugs

Apr 20, 2014
Praying for your family
by: Anonymous

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Apr 20, 2014
Kyle Brandon
by: Doreen UK

Bill you didn't do anything wrong. Parents have a difficult task of rearing their children in the right way, but they are exposed to the world and it's elements in a very harsh environment of drugs and a way out to cope with life. It then becomes too late once they are hooked onto drugs to cope with life.
You can't beat yourself up for your loss of Kyle. Do the opposite. BUILD YOURSELF UP. This will help you to heal from your grief. Start by doing some good things for yourself each day till it becomes a way of life. You will be nurturing yourself. Life is so sad and Broken for many of us and all we can do is to cry our way through some of the sorrow, hoping each tomorrow will be a better day and we can cope with our lot in life. Loss of a loved one especially a child/adult child is the worst experience of our lives. Pray for strength each day that you will get through it all and that God will reach down and comfort you all and help you find your way again through life.

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