Langerhans cells histiocytosis killed my lovely baby

by chong cs
(jb, johor,malaysia)

My daughter was a healthy baby, the symptoms of this disease started when she was about 6 months. But we thought all those were normal. Scalp problem, itchy. Fever and diarrhea, was due to her growing teeth. We went to see doctors for many times, but couldn't solve her problems. One of the doctor wrote a letter for us, he suggested us to send her to hospital for a check-up.

After 3 months, the specialist told us she diagnosed with Langerhans cells histiocytosis, a very rare disease. Her chances to be cured was 50%. I searched a lot from the internet, i knew what it is, some of the websites say the outcome for the patients of LCH, who are below 2 years old are poor. That means, no one survive....

When she was undergoing the chemotherapy, i hadn't never tell my parents about that, i was hoping she'd get well, and be the lucky one who survive from this illness!!!! But.... She'd gone after about 9 months of treatments....

I feel so regret, guilty.... Grief... Desperate... She was such a lovely, smart, and obedient girl. Though she was only 22-month!!! She understood what we said, she was so sweet to make me smile when i was angry even she was sick, and pain... I'm so sorry, baby... I'm not a good mummy... I'll repay you in my next life!!!!!!!!!!!