by Troyce
(Titusville FL USA)

We met at work, at Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville AL in 1983. We married in 1985, then moved to new jobs at Kennedy Space Center in Florida. Then, 29 years later, a few weeks before our 29th anniversary, Laurie died on 4 June 2014. The first several weeks were a period of shock in which I dealt with all the things with which the surviving spouse must deal. Now that's mostly done, and I now have no idea how I'm going to get through to the 'promised land' wherein this grief will subside enough to allow me to find even the smallest joy or hope in life again. I'm 63 years old, and being so much closer to the end of my life than the beginning, the effort to continue is overwhelming.

Comments for Laurie

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Aug 25, 2014
sympathy and hope.
by: Lawrence

Hi Troyce,
There is no promised land, what you are going through is absolute hell on earth and everybody on the “DEATH OF A SPOUSE” web site has been through it, but strangely enough as the weeks and months pass, although it must be impossible for you to believe now, we survived, so much so that I am able to send you this comment.
I was just as you are now twenty months ago when my own very precious wife died after being together for seventy years from young kids at the local youth club in 1943, the war was on and the bombs were still dropping, when we fell so deeply in love, and seventy years later she passed away..
Truthfully I had no desire to live without her, but after reading some of the contributions on this site I realized that life has to go on, so I pushed myself out of my deep lethargy and the desire to just sit and cry and left the house.
Initially I just went to the local library and read the papers and noticed a card from the local Bridge club seeking beginners, so I joined.
Can I tell you,Troyce ,it saved my life.
Learning to play was so very difficult but I mastered it and can now play with very experienced players which I do at least four times a week and meet many widowers and widows seeking their own solace.
So “GET OUT OF THE HOUSE” force yourself if need be, do anything but sit in your house and mourn, it will still be there when you return cold and empty
I lead a very frantic life, I am having violin lessons after a layoff of seventy years and the two hours practice every evening of difficult concerto’s, helps me to forget my sadness.
I am a writer of books and also a composer, in fact I do many things, none of them very well, but it passes the time and gives pleasure to a lot of people.
So please don’t tell me you are too old for all this, I am 85 and to me you are a youngster at 63.
So Troyce,you know the secret of how to survive your nightmare., please listen, it’s the only way.
With my deepest sympathy.

Aug 25, 2014
Loss of Laurie
by: Judith in California

Troyce, I'm so sorry for your loss of Laurie. She was a beautiful woman. The grief journey we make is the hardest, most emotionally charged roller coaster ride. It throws you back and forth .One day you wake up and realize you didn't cry as much. The next you just might have smiled at a memory. Then the next you cry as if it just happened yesterday. You are so early in your grief. It's normal to feel so lost.

I chose to retire early from PWR ,where I supported all the the engine programs at KSC, to care for my husband of 35years.
He fell and fractured his skull and 3 1/2 years later in 2010 he passed away. It will be 4 years next month and I still cry at least once a month. No matter what I do ,even if I go out with friends and laugh there is this void no one could ever fill.

63 is not so close to the exit. God only knows how long we will continue here on earth but he wants us to move forward and honor our loved ones by living the best we can until he says it's time. I truly believe that.

We all began just like you. We wrote once a week, then once a month then every now and then. Some of us reply to the newly widowed , like you, to let them know they are not alone and we understand your heartbreak and that we are here for you to lean on.

I pray God will give you the strength to eventually get to the peaceful ,acceptance side by taking it one breath, one minute, one day at a time.

Aug 24, 2014
by: Doreen UK

Troyce I am sorry for your loss of Laurie. These will be very devastating days and months ahead after losing a spouse. No pain like it. You feel as if your life is over, but know that you have to go on whether you want to or not. This is how most of us felt like after losing our spouse.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 2yrs. ago and I am going through what you are facing now and know all too well how painful a journey this is and how difficult it is to start all over again to restructure one's life without the one you loved.
The best way forward is by TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME. Having supportive people around you helps with the grief. I felt as if I would never feel I could go on in life as we all do after losing a spouse but you find some inner strength to fight another day whether it is productive or not. I could not function for 6 months. I then slowly recovered enough motivation to face one day at a time. Just when you feel that your working life is coming to an end and you plan for retirement you are suddenly hit by death and the empty life ahead without your spouse. The loneliness will be a part of your life till you are able to rebuild your life to embrace new relationships or friendships that will help ease that ALONENESS. But for all of us who has lost a spouse, we know life won't ever be the same again. A lifetime of memories is all we have till we are able to make the changes we need to survive our loss.

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