Leaving my Marriage...

by Katherine

Every time I would look at my wedding pics - I would get angry. Why did he marry me if he did not adore me? He was only minimally interested in me physically and it was a fight to get him to spend time with me. Was it me? Did I demand to much and then he just reacted for 10 years - 7 years of marriage counseling and we never got to the bottom of it. I have horrible fear of being able to be healthy in another relationship. Can I love well?
What good did we have? We have 3 lovely girls - that deserve peace. We had 10 years of some good times- times when we relaxed and enjoyed each other to the extent we where able to. Always me just accepting you lukewarm desire of me. We made excellent money decisions and had finical security. We have a handful of nice holiday memories - you really helped me when my Dad died. You taught me about money. You taught me how to research things. Both life skills I will be forever grateful for. You love you 3 kids - you strive to be good to them. I could rely on you to take care of my physical needs (food, clothing and shelter) - never let me down as a provider. I will miss vacation pictures and time where we are a whole family unit - the 5 of us together smiling at the camera next to Mickey Mouse and the girls basking it the wholeness of the family - even if I was dying inside when the picture was taken - due to lack of love. I wish of both peace and friendship in the future - I hope we can spend time - the five of us together now and again and the girls see us as unified parents - if not a couple - I wish us the healing of overcoming and learning from this - I hope for myself to see where I went wrong clearly. I hope we have new healthy relationships - for us and the kids. I hope for new friends. I do love you and care for you and wish you the best. God Speed to you My Husband and you leave the place beside me and venture to new lands as a single man again - may you find peace and healing - and my God grant me the same swift wind for my sails. For the last time - I thank God for the blessings you have been and pray for us and our relationship as it will be now - Your loving Wife - g

Comments for Leaving my Marriage...

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Mar 09, 2012
Bad marriages
by: Anonymous

I have not experienced what you have endured and first off I would like to say thank for the post, it lets me know that I am not alone. My wife and I have grown extremely distance since literally day one of our marriage. In this journey we created and lost (stillbirth) our triplets’ girls. She became very isolated and non-emotional. Despite every medical opinion she feels that I am responsible for the death of our babies. For at least one night we reconciled enough to have a son who is turning three this year. Her grief and her perception of my role have caused her to distant herself from me both mentally and emotionally. But we played the part going on vacations having house guest etc. She has and continued to use our son as a barrier to prevent us from being intimate. It’s been nearly three since I have shared a martial bed alone with my wife. I felt alone, abandoned and rejected, instinct dictates that we lash out and that I did with annoying and provoking actions and comments. Seeing that this course of action was counter-productive I began to seek solace and acceptance in social activities (no affairs or dating) which groups that provided me the acceptance that I was not getting in my marriage, in hindsight I felt that it was passively aggressive in nature. Late last year I summoned the courage to ask for a divorce in which she agreed to and we went to mediation. Sitting it the attorneys office we both felt that we did not work on the issue and instead chose to go to martial counseling. Prior to attending counseling she moved and left me alone to pick up the pieces to my shatter dream. Although the counselor has helped us become friends again the level of mental and physical intimacy has not changed at all. The same actions her sleeping on the couch and placing our son between still occurs to this date. I feel that she loves me but she is no longer in love with me. I attribute this to a myriad of factors but the most important is her inability to forgive me for her perception of the cause of death of our daughters. Since she moved out six months ago, I felt sad alone and isolated, but I have found a new faith in God that I misplaced in her. I am swiftly approaching reconstruction of my life without her and looking forward to Acceptance and Hope. I write this post for everyone who is dealing with rejection from the spouse in hopes that they too will realize that this is temporary

Mar 09, 2012
Light at the end of the tunnel
by: Anonymous

My wife move out six months ago, Intially I felt sad alone and isolated, but I have found a new faith in God that I misplaced in her. I am swiftly approaching reconstruction of my life without her and looking forward to Acceptance and Hope. I write this post for everyone who is dealing with rejection from the spouse in hopes that they too will realize that this is only temporary.

Mar 05, 2012
Hope from understanding
by: David

It's saddening to hear such stories because you are whipping yourself over the failure of your marriage. That you entered into a marriage where you were never appreciated or nutured shows there is an intrinsic self esteem issue that you need to address.

Only when you learn to love yourself will you attract the right partner and find the love you seek. Your pessimism again suggests that your lack of self worth is the real issue.

I am not being critical, I feel for you, I don't want to give you some useless platitude, but rather offer a path to find happiness.

Councillors do not have the required expertise to help. You need to see a specialist who deals in personality and personality disorders, they are the only ones with the require training and expertise to help--and they can turn your life around.

I wish you health. happiness and love

Mar 05, 2012
You Are not At Fault
by: Judith in California

Katherine, I know your hurt and hope my words help you heal a bit.

I notice you want to blame yourself for all that went wrong. That is farther from the truth. It was him and if he did not open up in counseling and be honest then he was the problem. He seems to have played a game on your brain and let you take all the blame. I know you loved him and never got back in return half of what you gave emotionally. And even after 3 children he still didn't "get it".

I, too, had that. for 35 1/2 years I had to beg for hugs and kisses and had to fight for things that a husband should have given automatically. Everytime we had a disagreement he would threaten to leave so one day I said go ahead. Well, he finally left me 18 months ago but by death. I stayed by his side, loved him anyway, and when he was diangosed with Parkinsons Disease I was his fulltime caregiver until the end of US. I was his arms, legs, and physical walker, changed his diapers and now I greive and hurt for what we could have been had he only let himself love fully.

Maybe your husband is sick with out even knowing it. Maybe he is on medication that stopped his performance level or Maybe your husband just didn't want to admit he was seeing someone else. Well, you'll know when he ups and marrys quickly after your divorce or is in a relationship faster than normal.

regardless of all of that I wish for you the strength and love for yourself to seek out what you need for your happiness. Take care of you and your girls.

Mar 04, 2012
I am sorry that your journey ended like this
by: Anonymous

You said that you had 7 years of counseling and that you never got to the bottom of what was wrong in your relationship. I am sorry to hear that. I hope that you can try to do some work on yourself. Try to understand what makes you healthy and work on that. Don't worry about him and trying to "win" him back. He may not be what you need. What you do need to do is to love yourself for who you are at this moment. A lovable person. A mom with three daughters who need to know that life goes on no matter gets thrown at us. Who you are is not defined by what others think, feel, or believe about us. It is defined by what we say, and tell ourselves about who we are. Go out in the world and let everyone in the world around you that you are a LOVABLE, ADORABLE, KISSABLE, ATTAINABLE, LOVELY LADY who for the moment is in recovery but someday will be on the market - so men be on the look out because some day she will be ready to rock your world. Who knows maybe that hubby of yours maybe lying in waiting also. Good luck.

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