Leon I Miss You

by Lisa M Schnabel
(Germantown, MD)

I am quickly unraveling and falling apart at all of my seams,
I know you would understand exactly how I feel and what I mean.
The holes in the fabric of my soul keep forming and I keep sewing
But, the pain and the tears continuously keep flowing from me.
On a dime a flash of memory of you and us appears like a knife
Sharp and ragged bleeding my heart as if to end my own life.
The biggest hole and saddest heartache for me to swallow?
The loss of your intelligence,love and goodness our children should follow.
What you didn't or couldn't say in the end to our beautiful offspring
Was how much you loved them and what you wanted for them--see, that's the thing.
From the start of our funny courtship I've known you have loved me more
The sad and sudden ugly end broke my heart and pierced me to my core.
I have to believe you knew even through my blinding grief
That I did my best to love you "till death do us part" that's my belief.
Yes, it seems like I have gone on to finish some of our hopes and dreams,
But without you here beside me to share it is so unfair it seems.
Getting rid of the "if only I would have or could have's" have been the hardest thing for me.
I tried so very hard to always care and do the right thing--losing control, my only crime, you see?