Letter to my son, lost to suicide

by Gracie

My Dear Son,

We are witnessing the beautiful colors of fall and yet one slow day seems to follow the next without me having the slightest interest or energy to notice the beauty. Nearly every day I shed some tears, just remembering that we no longer have you. The pictures that come to my mind are still achingly painful. I have not yet been able to move back in time to more pleasant pictures of you.

We are surrounded by friends who care and yet I feel terribly alone. I think about joining you, but I know how much grief your death has caused us. My death would increase the family’s pain and I can’t do that. I must trust God to take care of each one of us who remain. I must leave the dying to Him. He is the Author of life, not death and I know that He grieves for you too.

Perhaps, son, you suffered deeply in your heart for years and had been unable to talk to anyone about those feelings. Perhaps the one you dared to trust, a girlfriend, ended up betraying you. She probably regrets many things.

We will never know why you took your life; not on this earth anyway. But we know that Jesus loves the crushed in spirit (Psalms 34:18) and you were crushed in spirit. He cares for the brokenhearted and we are all heart broken. We hope and pray that time will heal our hearts.
We will never forget you. I look forward to the day when we can meet again and never have to be separated. You will be in perfect health, no longer tormented by the enemy, who probably tormented you many years of your young life. It hurts not to have you in our lives, but at least you are in no more pain. You now rest until Jesus comes and He has marked your spot. He created you. He redeemed you with His blood and He is the only One who can wake you up when He returns.

I wish I could see you and talk with you again. This letter is a poor substitute. The only reminder we have on this earth is a small square in a cemetery near by. We visit you often, but you don’t know we are there. I have a potted, yellow mum sitting there now. It reminds me of the sunshine in your smile. I love you with all my heart, precious boy. You left us too soon.

Love you always; forget you never,

Comments for Letter to my son, lost to suicide

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Feb 24, 2013
by: Anonymous

I lost my son to suicide on March 17th 2012. I struggle still everyday, feel alone and wish there was away to stop the pain inside without hurting my son and daughter, whom are grown with families of their own. My husband, Chad 's stepfather has tried to help me get through the struggle although I feel I'm loosing my marriage too. I get up everyday going to work pretending I'm ok. I make it thru these days trying to push away the pain pretending my son is still alive. Everyone at work tells me they have no idea how I've been able to make thru this struggle and turmoil. They say I've been strong, but I'm not. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could be where he is now.

Nov 05, 2010
Beautiful letter
by: Pat

Your letter really hit home with me, as others I feel the same way you do. I lost my son Sept 20, 2010 to suicide. When he died a piece of me died with him. I know my life changed forever on that day. He left behind 2 biological sisters, 2 half sisters & 1 half brother. My husband & I are close to all the kids & talk to them on a regular basis but I still feel very lonely. He also left behind 3 sons 16yrs old 12yrs old & 10yrs old my hearts breaks for them. God Bless all of us who had to experience the loss of a child no matter what their age.

Jul 13, 2010
by: KIM

I too lost my son to suicide on March 17, 2010. Everything that you stated here is exactly how I feel about my son as well. My son was 28 years old. I am sorry for your lost and I am going through the same pain as you are. I miss my son so much and there are days that I want to join him too.

Jun 05, 2010
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your kind words. No matter how long it has been since we lost our loved one, we always love them and we never forget. God bless you.

Nov 26, 2009
your letter to your son is beatiful
by: Anonymous

I recently lost my mother and at that time I lost a cousin to suicide. Although I did not know my cousin well at all, I feel saddened; he was my family and I feel for his parents terribly. Your letter son expressed the love of God for us and for your son.

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