Letting Go...

by Vickie

This is my third Thanksgiving without my beautiful daughter, Alicia. I decided to do something very different this year. I chose not to go with my fiance to his family's for the holiday. I also decided that I wouldn't cook for my family either. I started thinking about it a few weeks ago and asked myself 'What would truly make me feel the best, if anything?" I realized not 'Stressing' myself out over 'one' day. I was concerned that I might get anxiety and regret not going with my fiance, or cooking dinner for the kids. Well- the day has arrived and I know I made the right choice. My very best friend invited me to dinner. She is like my sister and we consider ourselves family. My oldest daughter and my oldest granddaughter decided to join us. My daughter had expressed to me a few weeks ago that she didn't like Thankgiving because everyone had to many 'Expectations' and the fact her sister was not here to be with us. We are grateful to have such loving people in our lives and ones that Don't have expectations from us. Accept us, for us. Sometimes you have to 'DO' what is best for you. I am of course missing my baby girl and as we all know there is no getting around that. I have spent the past two years grieving and not so much living. I don't regret that, but I am starting to see that I need to move forward. Moving on isn't forgetting my daughter, it is for me the right thing to do. I will Never leave her behind. She is Forever in my heart. I have a very caring and loving man in my life and I need to share my life with him now ,and those nearest and dearest to me. I know my daughter would want me to be happy. My shutting down and pulling away from those who care isn't going to bring her back. I know there will always be days that are hard, but I am starting believe they don't have to be my whole life.

God Bless All of You

Comments for Letting Go...

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Nov 27, 2011
Letting Go
by: Mari

Vicki,I get the feeling you are starting to really heal. Of course you will always miss your daughter but you are getting on with your life always keeping her in your heart. Making decisions shows inner strength. You do not have to go along with what everyone else wants or the way things have been done in the past.
I am glad you have a loving person in your life.That means so much.
Every time I make a decision on my own I feel stronger.
Of course the Lord is always with you. He understands what you feel and what you have gone through.You are stronger then you think.
You know we are here for you and care for you. It is obvious that you are a kind sensitive person. May God bless you.

Nov 25, 2011
It's So Hard To Let Go
by: TrishJ

You are so right. Everyone keeps telling me it is now time in my life for me. Unfortunately I'm still not ready for that time but I'm happy to hear you are. It inspires me and gives me hope.
Yesterday was the last of my "firsts" to get through since the death of my husband. He was still here last Thanksgiving but died 8 days later. He died too young and I am way too young to be a widow. I'm spending a lot of time feeling sorry for myself.
I've been "beating myself up" for the past month because I don't feel any more ready to move on than I did 10 months ago. Somehow I thought the one year mark would bring much needed relief and end to the pain. I was wrong. I know it never goes away but I have been in a black depression for the past 30 days thinking, "Dear God it's never going to get better. I can't live like this." You help me so much feeling it can get better.
Knowing that others get to the other side of this grief eventually, helps to try to stay positive. I give you credit. I'm still trying to please everyone in my life and it could make one crazy. I have to learn to do what is better for me.
God bless you Vickie. You will always love and miss your daughter. She will always be with you and love you back. She would want you to be happy. Daughters are such huge part of us as women.

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