Life After Death
Live, Laugh Love Everyday with Passion
The sorrow and pain will always be part of my heart and soul. It can never be replaced. I not trying to replace Billy but something happened that I thought never would. It was as simple as a friend putting his arm around me. I didn't feel the despair and devastation I felt when another man was around me. The pain is there but bearable sometimes and it got me by surprise. I realize I am a woman with feelings.
It may me stop and look at myself, really at myself....
I know, pain is the last thing they he want me to be in. Someone told me the greater love the deeper lost and pain of something we can no longer have. No amount of screaming and throwing a tantrum will change anything. And if your throwing dishes against the wall your the one who's cleaning it up.
Back to the arm around me ~ nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. A realization that I wouldn't die when another man touched me. Sad because I felt bad because it wasn't Billy. I was feeling bad because it felt good, and why shouldn't it. again were all human and feelings, touch and love are a basic necessity of life.
So I'm looking to the future of what? not sure, will I make it? yes... I know I can. It doesn't mean I don't have bad days, today 1 year, 3 months and I came across a song my Martina McBride ~ Where I use to have a Heart> Strong words to a strong song. Yes there is a hole in my heart that will never mend and it doesn't mean I loved or love Billy any less. Because if there was a chance he could come back to me... Hell yes I'd be the first in line to pick him up... But he's not, so I'm trying to look out into the world. Who know's what I'll see and maybe meet? So it's a positive attitude, a smile on my face, today and only time will tell...
1 step, 1 breath at a time ~ 1 year