Life as I knew it is over

by Sue
(East Hartford, CT)

My husband passed suddenly 3/6/2011. I found him, my daughters were not home. We were together 24 years. I was 21 when we got married and I'm 45 now and I'm not sure how to go on. I have no close friends, I want him back, I don't want to go on. Its hard to wake up in the morning.

Comments for Life as I knew it is over

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Mar 21, 2011
by: BUZZ

Raul, so sorry for your loss, your story so much like mine, all the treatments for radiation to chemo, to being sick and more pain. The doctor told us, she had a year with treatments, we figured a year gives us more time together and some but little hope, my girlfriend had lung cancer too, stage4. Well she got 4 months, came home found her dead. Like you said wasn't worth all the pain and suffering she went thought just for 4 months. A PART OF ME DIED WATCHING HER DIE. I WOULD NEVER GO THROUGH THAT IF I KNEW I WAS GOING DIE ANYWAY. BUZZ

Mar 17, 2011
My Wife passed away 3/7/11, lung cancer
by: Raul

My wife of 38 yrs, died 10 days ago. We learned that she had terminal lung cancer Nov. 23, '10 , we battled for life for 3 months. I am devastated, disillusioned, and obviously depressed.

My whole life centered around her and our 5 children. Each day now is empty, I look at her gardens , and all I see are memories about to bloom with painful remorse.

I experienced death before, and have complete faith in all things are spiritual. It doesn't console my pain. We were on our way to the hospital 2 weeks ago, and she said , "you are so strong" , I told her flattery will get you everywhere".

The whole process of treatment was a nightmare, the medical industry , never came through with results of a "quality of life " for a brief period , that we were so desperately trying to achieve. There was no reward for 22 radiation treatments, and tandum chemo therapy. Just torture , I will never encourage that experience to anyone in that state diagnosis.

Now , I feel guilty for even supporting the decision we made to go through all that pain. It was futile.

The events in Japan, are my only distraction. Knowing that someone else is going thru a brutal time, is a sickening consolation.

This is just an excersie in sharing, a process, yet intellectualizing it, does not make it better. It is like I am stuck inside, and i have no desire to move on. No desire to plan, there is no happiness.

Mar 12, 2011
Life as We knew it
by: judith

Sue, my heart goes out to you and I will say a prayer that God gives you the strength to move on this roller coaster ride of grief.
Visit here often and you will find some great people who will respond and try to hold you up.

We're all in it for the long haul to help you as we grieve too.

Mar 12, 2011
Have Faith
by: Patti

I also was 21 when I married my husband. He died on December 3, 2010. It's just been a little over three months.

You have to take things one step at a time. For the first 2 months I sat in fear of what was going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month. I had to force myself to look at things one day at a time. I'm still doing that.

This is a frightening journey as we learn to live our lives in a new manner. I have two young adult children who are both handling their dad's death in completely different ways. My daughter will not talk about her dad ~ my son is very open about his feelings.

Now is the time to turn to God for help and support. Keep your family members close and just try the best you can to get through each day.
God's blessings to you and your family.

Mar 11, 2011
I understand
by: Terri

Hi Sue, my husband of 31 years died 2 months ago today at the age of 50 and those exact words came out of my mouth today. I am lost, I am a burden to my family, I am depressed, I am lonely and most of all I am MAD. Mad that he left me here alone, mad at God for taking him, mad at the world for going on without him and finally I am scared. I hope and pray to God this gets better because right now I do not see a light. The only relief I get is knowing that there are others out there that understand what I am feeling because unless you have lived it you do not understand no matter how hard you try.

Mar 11, 2011
You will go on
by: Judy


Your grief now is like an open wound-your beloved husband has been gone only a few days. I know you can hardly believe it now but life will slowly get better. At first it is hard to get up in the morning, hard to think straight, hard to figure out what to do next and scary, very scary.
Be around the people who comfort you, and avoid the ones who don't comfort you. Don't expect too much of yourself. You have a grievous wound to heal. As for wanting him back, my Barry has been gone 15 months and I still want him back. I know I can't have that but I want it anyway.

You are wrapped in the love and support of all of us here who have gone down this road.


Mar 11, 2011
new life starts now
by: Jackie

Hi Sue, I am so sorry for your loss. Its been almost 5 months for me since my husband's death. I miss him so terribly that I can't bear it. Please come to this site often. We are all here for each other, we all understand the pain. Try to remember the good times you had together. Take care.

Mar 11, 2011
by: Tony

Sue, sorry about your huge loss, your husband must have been special to be posting here. I was never married myself, but lost my Mother early last month, a loss is very hard, let alone a sudden one. I`m feeling very lonely myself, my Brothers are in shock too. Grief is work, very hard work, just take each day, each hour and breath deep and slow and cry if you need. You will get through it, it is hard.

Mar 11, 2011
Life as I knew it is over
by: jules

Sue - your loss is so new - of course you feel devastated, lost and lonely. You will have these feelings for quite some time, there will be moment when you have no idea what you are doing, you will forget some of the most simple things - I completely forgot how to cook - couldn't even make a cup of coffee - crazy, now I look back.

You say you have no close friends, well make the people on this site your friends, we are here because we know what you are going through - join in to the Grief Club - read some of the wonderful words of wisdom and experience there - they can and will help you at this time, and in the future.

Don't be afraid to cry in front of people, even now nearly 16 months on, I still tear up sometimes, but I know that without this site I would be in a completely different place, it is the support from here that has carried me through this time, given me the strength to do things on my own - I just towed my caravan 3300 kilometres on my own to visit some friends - and I know that I did it because the friends I have made on this site encouraged me, and supported me, listened to me when I fell backwards, and yes, you will fall backwards, at one stage it was like - two steps forward, three back - now I am taking each step as it comes, and enjoying my life again.

Remember - every day - one step, one breath - take care - you will survive.

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