life goes on ,but its hard to move on , hard to go let go , dont know how to

by MARK
(BLAENAVON)

its over a year since my dad died,
but one year has passed and im no nearer to finding peace in my self. in fact i feel worse, i thought in time i would be able to cope and remember and move forward , but sadly this hasnt been the case.

i have hit an emoitional block where nothing can get in and cant release the pain i feel within. im trapped by my own feelings . ive tried to make sense of it but cant just seem to be living on a roller coaster up one minute ,down the next ,am i always going to feel like this why cant i release the pain i feel inside to help me feel better .
i live as if in a void impervious from love ,over burdened with grief an pain , if there is a god why does he make me suffer like this.

i think deep down the only day i will find peace in my heart and soul is when i finally reach the place my loved ones are ,in heaven then all my heart ache pain an sorrow will leave me till then i will have to be strong of body annd mind to keep going from day to day , i think iff were all honest we think this way .


AS MY LATE DAD SAID ABOUT HIS LIFE WHEN HIS DAD DIED YOUNG,
LIFES LIKE A PHOTO GRAPH ITS OK TILL ITS BROKEN YOU CAN REPAIR THE PICTURE FRAME AND ALL THOUGH EVERY THING SEEMS OK DEEP DOWN ITS NOT BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT NOT THE SAME AS IT WAS BEFORE






Comments for life goes on ,but its hard to move on , hard to go let go , dont know how to

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Apr 29, 2013
for Mark
by: Luci

Hello Mark,

As mostly all of us do who visit this site, I understand what you are feeling. For some people it is a bit "easier" to move on because they have many other responsibilities in life that force them to (raising children, going to work, caregiving other people). If you don't have these distractions, which do indeed take some time from your day so you don't have time to think, it is very difficult. I am in that position; don't know if you are. I would recommend since it's been a while now that you find a grief counselor or even a bereavement group...one that is specific to losing a parent and have the same number of people show up each week. That kind of group offers an additional dimension than those groups who meet where people can drop in at any time, any week, to discuss any loss. After a year of my not getting "any better" in coping with my grief, I joined such a group. I am only 3 weeks in, but it is a small, intimate group and we are all already experiencing some small sense of change. And change is good. My counselor told us something that I think is absolutely true for all of us. When we lose a parent, since there are no other parents we will ever have, it's an irreparable loss. What we knew as "normal" is forever changed with that kind of loss. So the life that we live after they're gone has to by necessity, be different. Our challenge is to invent a "new normal" for us...and that will look and feel differently to each person dealing with grief. If you have favorites movies, or singers/bands that you "used" to enjoy when your Dad was alive, try watching or listening to some of them to see if you can recapture some of that enjoyment. Even if you can only listen or watch for a few moments and then have to turn it off, you are taking baby steps. Even those few moments are progress. If you have other family try to spend time with them. For me that isn't an option as I don't have one, and unfortunately, friends though they mean well, just don't have the words to tell those of us who are grieving that make sense. They think we all have to "move on" because that's what society has told them is the thing to say and they think it is an encouraging idea...to tell you to move on. The truth is, eventually, we all move on...but it's at a different pace for every one and as I said earlier, the old normal is going to replaced by a new one. If you are spiritual or religious, try to draw some comfort from that. If not, try to surround yourself with positive, uplifting things to read or even meditative music which can be very calming, even if you don't or can't meditate. These are only ideas, Mark. I hope one of them or some others you have gotten help you. May God hold you in His care.

Aug 29, 2012
Life will go on
by: MoonlightSkywriter

Life will go on, when your ready for it, not everyone goes through the pain your in. If your friends are tired of hearing about it, move on. let them go for ahwhile, you will have time for them later when you start feeling better.

For some reason people think bury the person and your life goes on after 3 days of grieving, it does not go on that way. I have been grieving my mother for 5 yrs and my dad for 2 years almost.
For some reason life does go on.

You got to give your self time. get some meds from the dr. if you do not want that surround yourself with a good friend ( like me) I am here to listen to you, to write to you, and for you to understand your pain. Maybe a good friend to talk to ,go out with or just chill out with its what you need as your life changes. Death comes in different tones. it sometimes wakes us up to new challenges in lifes journey.

Write and keep a journal of your feelings it does work for me..find a hobby that your loved one had or you enjoy do it in honor of them.

one day you will also make that transistion and me too, so what else can we do before we get there is be safe, learn to accept the things you can change and for those you can not change.

learn respect for your self and most of all Laugh alot... this takes away the pain... watch a show that makes you happy... not sad ones

sing alot of songs... this clears up the brain molecules in your head, and laughter will be better than tears... but if you must cry... cry till there is no more tears... its good to cry it clears up your congestion in your head and nose!

so take life easy...you will go on when you want to, do it when you need to and have fun in the meantime. good luck dear and i am sorry for your loss.

Aug 25, 2012
life goes on, but its hard to move on, hard to let go, don't know how to
by: Doreen U.K.

Mark it sounds as if you are stuck in grief and may need the support of a grief counsellor to help you move forward a bit. Being up and down is all part of the grief. Overflowing Sorrow. You can't get this grief over and done with. It is a very slow process. I don't even think that we have control over this even if we think positive. this process happens. As if we are sometimes in fast forward mode and then in rewind. It is confusing. Time is all we have to eventually HEAL from this Grief and Loss. We will never get used to living without our loved one. We do change forever. We are not the same people anymore. Life on a daily basis changes. So does the people around us change. The very atmosphere of our world changes. It feels as I slipped over to another world and all the people are strangers. Even the ones I knew. Our world has become fractured so that even family members change and distance and isolate themselves from us. Thank God that my 3 sisters have not changed. They are my ANGELS as are two of my brother-in-laws. This helps keep me balanced and feeling normal. Surround yourself with loving supportive family and friends. It does make a differnce to your grief. GOD IS OUR HEALER. But this HEALING takes time. Mark I have spent my whole life struggling with HOW TO LET GO. I got stuck in this mode. After counselling it gets easier. but it can still be a struggle. It was easier to let my Adult children go. So they can go and live their own lives. But I didn't think this meant never seeing them for months or even years. When we lose someone. We want to hold on to the ones who are left. but they soon disappear. WE then have to go on and live a new life. You are young enough to write a new contract about how you want to live your life. I am too senior to look forward to new beginnings. Go and live your life and in time you will be HAPPY AGAIN.

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