LIFE GOES ON.............

by Trish Jones
(Chicago, Illinois)

Michelle and Her Dad

Michelle and Her Dad

Getting through my anniversary was really tough. Joe always gave me the most awesome cards. He would stand by the Hallmark rack for an hour until he found just the right one. He would then underline key words and sentences, write ~ I love you more than I did last year, sign his name and the date. I missed not getting a card this year but I have all 37 from the previous years.
Yesterday was a really tough day. I received an invitation to my old neighbor's daughter's 50th birthday party. Their daughter was in my sister's bridal party when she married 28 years ago as was I. We had no idea we had purchased a home next door to my sister's best friend's parents. We were very pleased. We had the most wonderful neighbors ever.
Joe and I were forced to sell our home last fall. The University of Chicago informed us that our portion of Joe's heart transplant would be approximately $500,000.00. Sure...do you take Visa? As home owners we didn't qualify for any assistance. We had no choice but to sell our home at no profit. The little bit of money we got went directly to medical bills. You do everything you're supposed to do, keep your credit in stellar condition and get penalized for it. Within a two month period I left my job and the security that went with it, had to put down our beloved pet of 18 years, moved from our home to an apartment and lost my husband. Joe died three weeks after we moved. I hadn't even finished hanging the pictures on the walls.
As I got out of the car every glance indicated that a new family was now living in "my" home. I think my knees buckled a little. I was so happy to see all of our old friends and neighbors. I had 10 people come to me and tell me what a fabulous husband I had. They all told me they miss him too.
I woke up this morning with a depressed feeling like I've never experienced. Bad. Really bad. Then....me cell phone rang. It was my daughter's fiance reminding me I had promised to go the jeweler's with him. I am giving my daughter the 2 carat diamond from my wedding ring. It was with total joy in my heart that I handed my ring to the jeweler. When I saw the look of love on my future son-in-law's face my depression lifted immediately. They will have a yours, mine and ours situation. She has a son from a previous relationship, he has a son and daughter from his first marriage. He is so much like Joe...I love it.
The diamond belonged to my mother-in-law. I got it in a new setting for my 25th anniversary (I guess she thought after 25 years I could be trusted). Passing it on to my daughter is the right thing to do. When my husband first passed the thought of giving up my ring actually nauseated me. Nine months later I know it's the right thing......and.....life goes on.

Comments for LIFE GOES ON.............

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Sep 15, 2011
Thinking of you...
by:

Trish,

My Daughter got married recently. She and her then boyfriend came to visit in June/July and when they asked to talk to me I knew something was up. They asked for my blessing, though I was happy for them it brought a huge sadness knowing that they would have asked Paul or Paul and I. Paul was very protective of his baby girl. The few guys that we did meet had very strict standards to adhere to. Mainly hurt my little girl and I am coming after you.... It wasn't exactly said. Just known by all.

It hurt her immensely that he could not walk her down the isle. But I offered her any of my rings to use if she wished for a wedding band and she selected an anniversary band and I feel good knowing it is on her finger. I hope, I pray that she has 3/4th of the love that I had for her father.

But I know that he WAS there watching her looking towards the future with the man she loves. And that they know that we were the Cinderella story and was what love truly was. And she will accept nothing less.

Love moves on for those around us and we need not be envious or sad that our Love is gone, because it isn't its right there. Love Never dies, Not the kind that we had. Take all the good that was in him and incorporate it into your life. It is in that way that they live within our selves. How they changes our life and how we in turn change others. Keep holding on Trish. And if you do have a good cry, tell them that it was a beautiful ceremony and it reminds you of your own love...Enough said.
HH

Sep 14, 2011
An On and On
by: TrishJ

Thank you Hope. I do so appreciate any help I can get. Some days I just feel so disconnected from life. The date of my daughter's wedding is October 15th. I'm looking forward to it and dreading it all at the same time. As Oprah calls it....the ugly cry. That's what I'm so afraid of. I'm just afraid I'm going to break down in hysterics and embarrass my daughter. I will pray for strength that day. Joe was looking forward to walking her down the aisle but I know he'll be there in spirit.
Thanks again. Stay strong (like we have any other choice right)?

Sep 14, 2011
Handing down the joy to another generation
by:

Trish,

I have more to say, so much more but as of late I am devoid of thought. Any sensible thought anyway. Some times in grief or as I am now re-grief I find that my mind is cluttered with the past and I am of no help. For this I apologize but I will be back with some positive reasoning.

Because really when we have hit the bottom of grief the only way to go is up. And you are surely going there. For now know that I am so very proud of your progress. Many smiles for you from VA.
HH

Sep 12, 2011
yep one way or another...
by:

Trish,

Life goes on with out without our consent. I know how hard it is going through all the firsts with out our Loves. I know that you have come so very far since you first came here. The past does try to tug at us and anchor us to the past.

I have been feeling a tad blue myself with the seasons change. It was especially hard that first year. As I head towards the 2 year mark I am amazed how far I have come. Grief is THE hardest thing that I have ever gone though. And as we greet a new found and strange independence, you will see new ways to be proud of yourself.

I am further along only by time and the fact that things do seem to work out eventually. Just a long time coming but it is coming for you too. Be proud of how far you have come, I know that I am...
Hope

Sep 12, 2011
Thank You Mary
by: TrishJ

Mary~thank you so much for your wonderful comments. Yes....the Windy City. The most beautiful skyline in the world. It still takes my breath away when we pull into Chicago after driving a long distance. The skyline is amazing. You give me inspiration. I know you've been at this a little longer than I have. Your postings and comments are always so meaningful....always saying jut the right thing from your heart. I think you are a very wise person. Thank you again. God bless.

Sep 12, 2011
Life goes on
by: M Mack

Trish,

Like your diamond on a ring.....life does go on, history repeats itself and another Joe is born into the life of your beautiful daughter. Today, I look for signs, symbols of a man like Raymond, nowhere yet to be found. I know what you mean about the cards, underlining each word that was the most important. I too kept every card and dated them. I had no idea that those cards would bring me such comfort. As I read them, I touch and kiss the underlined words as though they will come to life, the words on a page. We are lucky to experience that kind of love, sentimental and the kind of man that would give anything, wore their heart on their sleeve. To some, love is a big word, it's meaning is great and bigger than life itself. That's what I miss and I know you do too. I want my daughter to find the man I had in my life and it looks like yours already did. Your previous home is just a house, material object and nothing can compare that to the love you had. Hang onto that thing called love. It gave you more than you know, old neighbors worth keeping, a new life with more love on the way a an outlook on life showered in underlined words of love. Sending light and hope from Chicago to
Chicago.

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