Life is a struggle

by susan raine
(england)

Life is a struggle it 22months since i lost my husband and best friend,we had both been preparing to retire, house newly renovated,finances sorted plans made we had both worked hard and felt we deserved our retirement,four weeks before my husband who was a well fit healthy man went to the doctors with abdominal discomfort,Ibs said the doctor one week before retirement he was admitted to hospital with abdominal pain.After the usual scans examinations etc,we were given the devastating news that he had months to live,only it wasnt months it was six days!! in those few days we talked and talked given the chance to tell each other how we loved our family and each other and as a family we were able to say goodbye,I think how lucky we were to have this time and feel blessed having the husband I had and the family I have got but on my black days like today I wish with all of my heart I could be with him. sometimes God places roadblocks in our way that we do not want to deal with but we need to stay strong to continue the journey.some days it is difficult to smile when you are totally broken.

Comments for Life is a struggle

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Jun 26, 2014
life is a struggle
by: susan

Life is a struggle,I read a quotation that said "smile it confuses people" How we learn to smile again after the trauma of loosing the person that made me breath live laugh and love with my whole heart is a constant struggle and confuses ME!!!! but smile we must life is what it is!! When my husband was dying he gave me lots of advice one to sell our home which was a very large victorian house with lots of character warmth and wasnt a house but our loving home for 36yrs, I thought I could never do that I prayed that I would be given the strength to do the Best thing for Me.Our home soon became a HOUSE because without the person there that I shared everything with I realized that its not buildings or how nice you have your house its the people that make it a home.I asked my Husband when he told me to sell the house to help me and he did!!! six months after he died I put my house up for sale it was sold within two days I have moved into a very modern house which is easily looked after and maintained and I smile and think how did this happen.I can't say I am happy,but I am content everyone thought I was crazy your beautiful house people used to say how can you leave it? but it was just that A HOUSE, my memorize are in my heart and it is those memories that make me smile.

Jun 24, 2014
Loss of Husband
by: For Susan

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your husband Susan. I know it had to be a terrible time for you. My heart goes out to you.
My husband passed away in his sleep Nov 22 2009 and I still miss him very much. He had stents put in his heart and only lived a short time after that.He is still missed by all the grandchildren as he was a wonderful grandpa and husband.
Sometimes I feel like renting out my condo and leaving this place full of memories but I realize the memories are are within me.They would go with me.
May God be with you at this difficult time and feel free to post whatever is on your mind and heart. Your husband must have been a fine person. Take care. Mari

Jun 17, 2014
I am so lost and empty
by: Anonymous

I lost my loving funny passionate childhood sweetheart husband 16 weeks ago suddenly he was admitted to hospital with an infection and died 7 days later after being ventilated on ICU. I cannot believe he is no longer here and that I cannot hold him talk or laugh with him any longer. My heart is broken my world is shattered . His 2 daughters are also in shock and our grandchildren have lost a fantastic fun loving grandad. He would be 60 this week we were married for 36 and half years. I feel so empty and lonely and would give anything to have him back but I know this will never happen. I am still very emotional and I cry at the most stupid things he had so much to live for and we had so many plans I don't understand why us all we did was love one another, he had worked and provided for us all his life and he had so much to live for. I feel empty and hate going to bed alone we were so happy and I know he will be missing us as much as we miss him. We are going away as a family to celebrate his 60th as this was organized before he died, I'm hoping ill be strong for the girls sake it's what he would have wanted us to do. Love and miss you so much my 1st my last my everything.xx

Jun 05, 2014
life is a struggle
by: susan

Thanks John,you are right about this grief thing! all we can do is step by step day by day.I love my family dearly but like you say they have there own lives and families to worry about without worrying about us.I am sure the future will take care of itself but I do wonder what I am going to do with my life having shared it so happily with my wonderful husband for 40yrs being married for 36yrs.The day before he died he told me not to be sad because we had a wonderful life indeed we had I just wish it could have been longer. life is mystery how we open our eyes every day without them is a mystery but open our eyes we must for our children and granchildren.I know that I will come through this, keeping our beautiful husbands and wives tucked safely in our hearts.I pray that God will make us stronger people. God bless John

Jun 05, 2014
Hello Susan
by: John

Hi Susan my heart goes out to you . I lost my wife on April 20th 2014 and its so heartbreaking . I truly believe I am turning the corner with this grief but I still have some problems with it. I think it is so underlying that we just cant see it and it comes back to bite us ,hence the saying the emotional rollercoaster. Just when we think we are coping it comes back again.
I , like you have a good but small family here in Canada and I am thankful for that. They do have their own private lives and need to work and run their households. I am retired so I have time to do other things. They are a help from time to time. I do not know what the outcome of this grief will be but we will survive . One thing I do miss and always will is the stability that a spouse provides. MY wife was a calming presence when adversity was prevalent and I miss her terribly for that. Most of the time I am stuck with trying to find something to do or what do I do today. I am a resourceful person but all of a sudden feel quite inept. I want her back every day but I know that is not going to happen . I have thought about what you said about being with my loved one but she would be so annoyed to have me think that way. I have to keep my sons together and make sure my granddaughter is okay. My thyoughts are with you Susan and may you glean some help and support from these pages. God bless John.

Jun 02, 2014
Deepest Sympathy
by: Lawrence

Hi Susan,
Yes, life is a struggle when you lose the one person you loved more than life itself.
There is an old Jewish saying that goes “MAN MAKES PLANS AND GOD SMILES”
We all make plans and hope they will be fulfilled but nobody knows what the next few minutes can bring.
On Christmas Day 2012 my wife woke in the morning as normal, and within an hour she was dead.
Turkey was in the oven, family all together ready for lunch and she just died as we were talking, and no goodbyes she just passed from this world to the next…, so go make plans.
She had a wonderful death but leaving her family so shocked at the suddenness of it all.
Needless to say I was devastated then, as I still am now, after all we had been together for nearly seventy years but I still thank God daily for every one of them, we were so very lucky having all that time together.
As you say, there are black days when you wish you could be together again, and I hope one day it will happen.
Take care.
Lawrence

Jun 02, 2014
life is a struggle
by: susan

Thanks Doreen for your comforting words,I was 57 and my husband 60 his birthday just before he died.Indeed life is fragile that is exactly how I feel at the moment sad and fragile, we lived for each other and our family.I can say that I am managing day by day and have stopped running then comes the black cloud which sits over you and the pain is relentless.I have a very strong faith which at times is as fragile as me but I know God will get me through I hope life becomes more bearable for us small steps and dont expect too much of ourselves then we wont be dissapointed.God bless.

Jun 02, 2014
Another One
by: Jorg

Hello Susan, I am at 13months since my wife died, married for 46 years and she was gone in just 3 weeks, Pancreatic Cancer was the culprit. We like you had everything ready for retirement and were into our second year, all going well till that awful day came along that we found out. Now I am on my own living up here in Yorkshire, nothing good about ending up on your own, you wonder about seeing it seems nothing but couples, I wish I could have gone with my wife, after all the years we had why would I want to be left behind? But life has to go on, that's what everyone says, just not easy. I will be 70 shortly as my wife would have been this year, anyhow I hope and pray life gets a little easier for us in time and send you my best wishes, jorg

Jun 02, 2014
Life is a struggle
by: Doreen UK

Susan I am so sorry for your loss of your husband. A man and woman work so hard and looking forward to their retirement and are cut down suddenly just before they can enjoy the time they have earned and worked so hard for. It IS NOT FAIR!
I live in the UK also and I was looking forward to my husband retiring after working hard for 47yrs. all over the world and our country as an exhibition carpenter. My husband was a young man in his 20's who went to work as usual not realising the harmful substance he cut, called ASBESTOS was a killer. Not known then as a hazardous material. The fibres lodged in his lungs and was incurable, inoperable, aggressive, and always terminal. He was a brave but broken man who became silent and accepted his fate. He died of an industrial disease 2yrs. ago. We were married 44yrs. He was 65yrs. but suffered for 3yrs.39 days so had to come out of work 2yrs. earlier. He had a horrific cancer journey whilst I nursed him till he died May 5th 2012.
We have no choice to go on in life, but what a time to lose a partner so late in life when it is more difficult to re-structure one's life. Each day is filled with loneliness despite taking one day at a time and doing what I am able to do to improve my life. it is not the same. It is such an uphill struggle. Days I lose my motivation to do anything. Life is so fragile. None of us knows when our days will end or lose more loved one's. I fear losing my children. Death makes us vulnerable. The very essence of life changes, no matter how we try to move forward. May God continue to comfort us and give us the strength to go on each day.

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